Thrihyrne

One of the major issues I've struggled with in recent years is not trusting the universe when things are going well for myself. That's when my self-sabotage has kicked in, with increasingly detrimental and disastrous results. I'm seeking out a therapist to deal with this element of my psyche in particular, but I'm also free to do my own cognitive therapy on my own. And I am doing so now, because things are beginning to go well for me. Not just in the relationship realm, though that is so far off the charts that it does (to my mind) explain in part why I've continued to do some self-sabotage, though I am keeping to the forefront of my consciousness just exactly how important it is that it not happen again.

All that to say: I had a great afternoon at my temp marketing assistant site, and am really looking forward to the quite real possibility that I'll be with them for at least two months. I do spend almost equal amounts of time getting out there and back as I'm spending working (4 hours and 4 hours, respectively) but that's fine- I have loads to keep me busy on public transport. My colleagues are intelligent and well-tempered! I'm getting to use my skill set! It's not at a call center! I'm getting paid much closer to what I'm worth! It just feels so good to be out in a work environment again and to be compensated for that. Perhaps ironically I got a call about another 1/2 time position I applied for over the weekend and I'll speak with that group this morning. I suspect the hours won't jive, but maybe it could work out. I'd love to add in another 10 hours with someone or some institution, so I'll continue to keep a finger on the pulse of jobs at Craigslist.

emansil_12 recently recommended to me a book titled Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. I'm only a few pages in as I want to really take my time and absorb what he's writing (as well as to do his guided visualizations and my own on a daily basis as part of continuing to put out messages of positivity into the world). I think this could be one of those books that I actually buy and keep as an integral part of being on my path.

I'm keeping up with the jogging, though I was a bit deflated to discover that I'm probably only burning about 100 calories a mile. Still, this is more about getting conditioning, not a weight loss endeavor. Yesterday and today it's been sunny and warm, so getting out around 7:10 p.m. (I leave work at 5:00 and get home around 6:50) is the perfect time of day for me to be exercising. I've never been a morning workout person.

Oh, and my yarn dyes arrived yesterday!! So exciting. This weekend's weather won't facilitate any projects, but perhaps next weekend.

There are a few close friends of mine who are dealing with some serious issues and difficult anniversaries; my heart goes out to you, and know that I'm holding you in light.

--it's been a pretty fabulous 24 hours or so! Some highlights:

✿ A productive morning yesterday, followed by lunch with evannichols at BHFT. While hanging out in the lounge, I had a conversation with the recruiter at the company I'd interviewed with last week that I really liked, setting me up for a follow-up interview tomorrow at 11:00. :D :D :D Then evannichols was done with work early in order to get to a chiropractor's appointment.
✿ At said appointment, I was working on dismantling a sweater when a woman with two daughters came in. She asked if I was undoing my own work or a pre-existing item. I affirmed the latter. So we got to talking about a variety of things, including my Endeavor. She loved the idea, and even offered to give me some sweaters that she was going to give to Goodwill anyway! And in some ways, she's part of my ideal market. Such a great feeling to get positive feedback from someone I don't know at all.
✿ A highly enjoyable evening/sleepover with Evan, including a yummy chicken dish from New Seasons for dinner. He dropped me off this morning at the drop-off bus stop that's convenient for us both, and that was where I commenced dismantling a sweater again by myself until…
✿ …my attentions were captivated by an articulate, outgoing transgendered young man (introduced to me as such after a few sentences about jobs and such) who just happened to be a redhead with lovely red beard. Turns out that Ray is writing a book about his overwhelmingly positive and supported transition from female to male. Since I have a dear friend on LJ who has also been transitioning in this manner, I had more than a clue as to his process and was being so grateful to the universe, once again, for giving me the strength to get back out to Portland again where I so obviously belong. Ray is writing his book with his mother, who has an online publishing company (I didn't get the name) and is serving as editor. I asked, of course, because I thought this interaction had happened so I could also potentially serve as editor. For a near-total stranger, yes, but the universe is like that. I gave him my name and email and will hopefully receive a first draft to give feedback in a few months. So very cool.
✿ And for today: going to the close PCC campus business office to get paid for my modeling sessions for this week; an interview at a placement company out in Beaverton; modeling tonight 6-9. So today and tomorrow will both be busy, but then it's a weekend. Woot!

And in another post to follow: pictures of my dyed yarn! ☺

For the first time in ages, I really slept in on Saturday and needed it after my week of getting up so early. But once I was up and had coffee in hand, I spent several hours having unhurried, thoughtful conversations with family and friends, including emansil_08, persephone100 and cim_halfling. I also had a massage on Sunday. :D I got it from Joseph, the fabulous massage therapist who I used to see regularly when I lived here before. That is one great perk of living at Julia's: being able for him to use the treatment room. There's something marvelous about getting a massage without having to go anywhere! I also had a major library run, taking back loads of movies and some books and picking up a slew of unfortunately heavy books to bring home in my backpack. I'm currently reading The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ by Philip Pullman, a book I'm borrowing from a work colleague, amazingly enough. I've also started my second major tome by Jared Diamond, his perhaps more famous one, Guns, Germs and Steel. It's pretty interesting stuff, and great reading while on the bus and train. I will say that walking to the bus and it being light outside was quite novel— and much appreciated. I did agree to switch back to the early shift for Wednesday to accommodate a fellow CSR's doctor appointment. One day of doing the early shift again won't be too bad. I'm really enjoying my work. I still have plenty to learn, and I'm not always as fast as others, but I'm already pretty savvy about what's going on and I know that my actual interactions with clients is professional and personable. I am weighing out options about whether to stay at Julia's for more than another month or to get serious about finding something much closer to my job. It's not as black and white as it could be, and there are many positives as well as many negatives to both— and an unfortunate amount of psychological elements to it, some of which really do make me want to move out again so as not to deal with them. The universe has been incredibly good to me in recent months; I trust that will continue.

Lastly, I uploaded my Yuletide fic. Yay!! Perhaps I'll do some more writing on my Tolkien stories over Christmas, as well as while on the bus. Speaking of, I had another of my "Wow, I really do love this city/area" moments while crossing the river this morning, seeing the mist on the hills and loving that I can get around everywhere I need to on public transportation. That's pretty cool. :)

So I interviewed and was hired. o_O Then again, I'm about twice the age of their other front line staff— I mentioned that if hired, I'd add diversity to the staff, lol. So I'll start next Wednesday, but will have the following weekend off which is great because my dear persephone100 will be visiting me next weekend!! And now I have an excuse to go to one of my favorite stores, the local Goodwill, in search of some khakis and polo shirts, since I have neither. :P

I'm almost back to working a 'regular' week in terms of hours. That will help in regards to paying off my credit card. And getting my teeth cleaned. And my bicycle fixed. And the speed sensor for my car…

I've not been reporting in about all of my dreams because it would just get exhausting. Several LJ people have shown up in the past week, however, including both wolfiekins and koshweasley in the same dream. Last night I dreamed I was at some spectacle, but oddly enough given that there was a despondent female trapeze artist, it wasn't a circus. It was a business event, but in a place with super-high ceilings. And for some reason I ended up being asked or forced to join her, and I was pretty nervous because while she was quite skilled, she was also obviously really depressed. But I felt safe, even when we were swinging up really high (on the same swing) and somehow I knew I would be safe even when I fell (gracefully, somehow) and she held my feet and she swung as well. I don't remember how it ended. I had to look up the symbolism for a trapeze, as you might imagine. From two sources, here's what I found:

To see a trapeze act in your dream, signifies a carefree attitude toward life. You are trying to escape from your daily responsibilities and take some time out to relax. Alternatively, the dream represents your high aspirations and ideals. To dream that you are swinging on a trapeze, indicates a desire or wish for sexual variety or adventure. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes indecisiveness. You are going back and forth on some choice.

Trapeze
A symbol of a strong desire for freedom - to come as close as a human being possibly can to flying on his own, whether the dreamer is actually on the trapeze or watching someone else perform. If the dreamer successfully performs a routine on a trapeze, the dreamer will experience the freedom he desires, but if he falls and crashes, he'll very likely fail due to his own shortcomings. If he falls and lands in a safety net, he'll succeed in spite of his shortcomings. Other symbols in the dream can reveal how the dreamer can avoid failure.

Hmmm. Another really good week; I've written up my recommendations for the community health center and will probably be able to present them on Monday or Tuesday. I do hope they'll retain me to actually implement the suggestions, and I think they will. I joined a gym (I think I mentioned that?) and have been really enjoying being able to take Pilates again on a regular basis, as well as enjoy the sauna, yoga, cardio classes, and having a healthy way to get out of my head.

I've been receiving a lot of very positive feedback on the original fiction story, both here and with a couple of select folks out in wider realms. So that's pretty great! And it's a weekend, so as of tomorrow I have some people to call and hopefully have long conversations with. I hope that you all have/are having a pleasurable weekend.

I'm a cat person. Thoroughly. And yet, this English redtick hound Taffy is a creature I look forward to walking, and to seeing her wag her tail like crazy when I come home. Today I had my first joyful experience of buying her a new squeaky toy when at Best Buy. And repairing it within 12 minutes of her chewing on it. And seeing the stuffing scattered all over the dining room floor, the squeaker mangled and in pieces within 90 minutes of having brought it home. :P

But she loved it! Definitely worth the $3, but next time I'll get a rope toy that might survive longer.

I'm also in a strange state of being surrounded by four massive computer manuals checked out of the JMU library for two very different projects; one to improve my Photoshop skills, and three to see if I can create a kick ass database in Access— a program I've never used. I've built databases in Excel and figure if I can do that, I can certainly do so in Access, but being a Mac woman, that program is not something I'd seek out. I'm glad I'm multi-platform, and this could be a few-months project for me, with funding, that could actually then be sold. I could write the manual as well and make a percentage on sales of that, too! And go and teach people! I did get a little carried away in my head, but it was a great meeting despite being at 8:15 a.m. and me having gotten all of two hours of sleep. Not even that.

And in final news, I now have two balls of yarn rather than skeins, am about to embark on new knitting project #1, and decided as of tonight I'm going to draft an outline for an original fic m/m story for one of the e-book companies where I know people. By gosh, I'm going to try my hand at putting something out there for those of us who love m/m stories and are looking beyond fanfic. Since 2007 I've said I was going to do that. I'm not putting it off any longer.

So, a good day. :)