Thrihyrne

One of the major issues I've struggled with in recent years is not trusting the universe when things are going well for myself. That's when my self-sabotage has kicked in, with increasingly detrimental and disastrous results. I'm seeking out a therapist to deal with this element of my psyche in particular, but I'm also free to do my own cognitive therapy on my own. And I am doing so now, because things are beginning to go well for me. Not just in the relationship realm, though that is so far off the charts that it does (to my mind) explain in part why I've continued to do some self-sabotage, though I am keeping to the forefront of my consciousness just exactly how important it is that it not happen again.

All that to say: I had a great afternoon at my temp marketing assistant site, and am really looking forward to the quite real possibility that I'll be with them for at least two months. I do spend almost equal amounts of time getting out there and back as I'm spending working (4 hours and 4 hours, respectively) but that's fine- I have loads to keep me busy on public transport. My colleagues are intelligent and well-tempered! I'm getting to use my skill set! It's not at a call center! I'm getting paid much closer to what I'm worth! It just feels so good to be out in a work environment again and to be compensated for that. Perhaps ironically I got a call about another 1/2 time position I applied for over the weekend and I'll speak with that group this morning. I suspect the hours won't jive, but maybe it could work out. I'd love to add in another 10 hours with someone or some institution, so I'll continue to keep a finger on the pulse of jobs at Craigslist.

emansil_12 recently recommended to me a book titled Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. I'm only a few pages in as I want to really take my time and absorb what he's writing (as well as to do his guided visualizations and my own on a daily basis as part of continuing to put out messages of positivity into the world). I think this could be one of those books that I actually buy and keep as an integral part of being on my path.

I'm keeping up with the jogging, though I was a bit deflated to discover that I'm probably only burning about 100 calories a mile. Still, this is more about getting conditioning, not a weight loss endeavor. Yesterday and today it's been sunny and warm, so getting out around 7:10 p.m. (I leave work at 5:00 and get home around 6:50) is the perfect time of day for me to be exercising. I've never been a morning workout person.

Oh, and my yarn dyes arrived yesterday!! So exciting. This weekend's weather won't facilitate any projects, but perhaps next weekend.

There are a few close friends of mine who are dealing with some serious issues and difficult anniversaries; my heart goes out to you, and know that I'm holding you in light.

For the first time in ages, I really slept in on Saturday and needed it after my week of getting up so early. But once I was up and had coffee in hand, I spent several hours having unhurried, thoughtful conversations with family and friends, including emansil_08, persephone100 and cim_halfling. I also had a massage on Sunday. :D I got it from Joseph, the fabulous massage therapist who I used to see regularly when I lived here before. That is one great perk of living at Julia's: being able for him to use the treatment room. There's something marvelous about getting a massage without having to go anywhere! I also had a major library run, taking back loads of movies and some books and picking up a slew of unfortunately heavy books to bring home in my backpack. I'm currently reading The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ by Philip Pullman, a book I'm borrowing from a work colleague, amazingly enough. I've also started my second major tome by Jared Diamond, his perhaps more famous one, Guns, Germs and Steel. It's pretty interesting stuff, and great reading while on the bus and train. I will say that walking to the bus and it being light outside was quite novel— and much appreciated. I did agree to switch back to the early shift for Wednesday to accommodate a fellow CSR's doctor appointment. One day of doing the early shift again won't be too bad. I'm really enjoying my work. I still have plenty to learn, and I'm not always as fast as others, but I'm already pretty savvy about what's going on and I know that my actual interactions with clients is professional and personable. I am weighing out options about whether to stay at Julia's for more than another month or to get serious about finding something much closer to my job. It's not as black and white as it could be, and there are many positives as well as many negatives to both— and an unfortunate amount of psychological elements to it, some of which really do make me want to move out again so as not to deal with them. The universe has been incredibly good to me in recent months; I trust that will continue.

Lastly, I uploaded my Yuletide fic. Yay!! Perhaps I'll do some more writing on my Tolkien stories over Christmas, as well as while on the bus. Speaking of, I had another of my "Wow, I really do love this city/area" moments while crossing the river this morning, seeing the mist on the hills and loving that I can get around everywhere I need to on public transportation. That's pretty cool. :)

I forgot to mention this other fabulous find at my Goodwill excursion on Monday: a 'grab bag' of yarn! For $6.99 I was able to pick up a bag with 6 skeins of varying colors and types of yarn, including some high quality wool and Finnish cotton. The colorways are primarily what I'd call subdued peacock heathers (gorgeous!) with one random milk chocolate brown worsted weight probably acrylic/wool mix that I'm going to make a hat out of. SCORE! Also, the 18 skeins of tweedy blue/grey wool I ordered to make a 1967 Vogue Knitting Aran cardigan out of arrived yesterday. I'm a very happy camper in my knitting world right now.

I'm reading a fascinating book titled Reality Bites Back: the Troubling Truth about Guilty Pleasure TV by Jennifer L. Pozner. It was reviewed in Bitch magazine a while back and as someone who does indeed somewhat guiltily enjoy a few reality TV shows while knitting, I'm finding her writings on it and the messages both implicit and explicit to be very interesting. Unlike younger audiences, especially those who have grown up with this genre on TV, I'm very aware of the messages there and the ridiculous product placement in the few that I watch (various countries' Top Model series, Project Runway [which I do absolutely adore], and some British shows I was downloading a few months ago). I'm really enjoying the book, at any rate.

If anyone would like my snail mail address, drop me an email (it's on my bio page) and I'll be happy to send it.

Also, last night I did something I very occasionally do anymore, which is to see if anybody has recc'ed any of my fanfic recently. It doesn't appear so, though I did come across someone's rec made years ago (I know this because the link is to an archive which has been defunct for several years now) of two of my Gimli stories, and it got my mind going. I actually lay in bed and had a few potential plots come to mind for shorter one-shot Gimli-centric stories! I also think I'll re-read LotR, which I've only read it from beginning to end once, as opposed to reading sections looking for particular details for a story. But I actually am sensing that Gimli's voice has come to visit, which pleases me tremendously, even if the audience for such stories has shrunk.

I have about 100 pages to go in The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell. It's scifi, a genre I've been fond of since age 13, though this particular book I'd put as 82% fiction to 8% science part. There is another planet involved, and her background as an anthropologist shines through. I'm in this super awkward phase of it because I know that many of the characters are going to be dead by the end (that's not a surprise; you know that within the first 10 pages or so) and I can't bear to know what happens… But of course I'm desperate to know what happens! I am in awe of the storytelling, the uncluttered prose, and I haven't inhaled a book like this in a while. Highly recommended, even though I haven't finished it yet. I may post about it more in detail when finished.

I also spent a few hours yesterday re-reading my own original fic novella, taking notes about the characters on index cards as well as writing down how much time was passing in the margins. I had no real sense of how many days had gone by from the beginning to where I've begun writing again. I wasn't even certain of the season! But now I know, and there can be more consistencies. It's such a joy to be flooded with new ideas again. Not just for this story, though that's where my focus is, but I'm going to do some medical research and write a sequel for the recent R/D I wrote, plus I think I'm going to write a sequel to my Rohirric/Dwarvish cultural interaction story recently posted but written last November. I've been a fan of writing about inter-cultural relations in the Ardaverse, especially those to do with Dwarves. Having one of my favorites (Gimli, of course) set up shop in the caves of Helm's Deep means I can have some fun in installments with a post-WR gapfiller that's genfic and I can spend some more time in Rohan. Figuratively. ;)

Two of my longer-term LJ friends had been on my mind but I hadn't heard from in quite some time. To my relief, after sending out emails I've discovered that they're both still around, both dealing with some trauma, but back in touch. Time to get some more international postage stamps as I'll be writing some long letters.

Oh! And I'll be seeing HP7 part 2 tomorrow with my stepdad and a friend from choir. Should be fun! I'm not all that sentimental about it since I came over to HP via fanfiction and that's where my closest attachment lies. But I'll look forward to seeing the more grown up Gryffindor boys and girls.

So I've found a new reality TV show to download and watch while knitting— well, two, actually. I'm starting to watch "Coast and Beyond," hosted by the yummy Neil Oliver, but I've also been watching something called "Supersize vs. Superskinny." There's just something so wonderful about British reality TV. I'm hooked. It's pure escapism as I sit and knit and learn about Celts, Scots, Great Britain's geography, and people. I finished sleeve #1 yesterday, the one that I'd knitted 3/4 of before realizing the flowers were upside down. :P Now I'm on sleeve #2- I'll post another picture when it's done, at which point all that will be left is to knit ribbing around the collar and then the front plackets. Amazing!!! I'm also going to start knitting Australian animals as gifts for my nieces and nephews. This is a joint project with my mother, though she ordered yarn based on what we had decided to knit, but then when we visited my stepsisters and their spouses, they asked for different animals. I'm going to be working on a sugar glider, but she didn't buy any grey yarn. Perhaps it will be a brown sugar glider.

Thanks to my friend who was here on LJ as emansil_08 (she's taking time away and deleted her LJ), I'm nearly finished with Three Junes by Julia Glass. The storytelling is really superb, I love the characters, and my only wish is that it were longer. With a gay main character and a lot of it set in Scotland, she was right in assuming that I'd enjoy it.

I believe that there are some on my flist who are/were friends with risiepookie? I sent her a card a couple of months ago and have made intermittent phone calls, but haven't heard from her in a very long time now. I assume that her life is busy and she's probably moved on to the dreaded Facebook or something, but if anyone on my flist is in contact with her, I'd love to know how she's doing. Please let her know I miss being in contact with her, very much.

And now, more knitting. :D

This afternoon I finished reading Are You Somebody? by Irish author Nuala O'Faolain. It is, as she calls it, an accidental memoir. I was first introduced to another book of hers, Almost There, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I'd been reading Are You Somebody in bits and snatches, but had a couple of hours to myself this afternoon and I finished the book. At the end of the Afterword, I found myself crying. Nuala O'Faolain came from a large Irish family and she's quite candid about the abuse, her travels, her relationships, her jobs. It isn't self-deprecating, nor does she point fingers in any direction. She simply tells her story, and it's absolutely engrossing, as well as heart-wrending.

Highly recommended reading, especially for those who enjoy autobiographies of someone who is, as she says, an ordinary person. If anybody else has read it and found themselves similarly moved, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the book.