Thrihyrne

Found myself describing the rearrangement on my altar as part of an initiation rite. I ordered a dragon pin from a vintage seller because it represents Skyfyr, a wild fiery peacock manifestation that I realize will fit best as my ridable magical animal of choice in the Wraeththu Otherlanes. I'm so excited! This sandbox is so creative, and I feel privileged beyond measure that I was able to spend a few, sacred hours in her presence back in 2008. Only now, having Doorstepped to the next beyond, and me being in this unique spiritual space during a MASSIVE Saturn Return, can I look back and see that trip to England for what it really was: it was a sacred pilgrimage to be with a spiritual soulmate. I just wasn't far enough along on my own journey to see it for just how rich an experience it was. It was pretty fucking magical in the moment already, no bones about it! I sat in the Akashic Records of my people: the printing press of Immanion Press, surrounded by bookcases of the holy scriptures of my people. My hara. My yið on my planet in my writerly sandbox playground that is nothing if not a lovesong to Storm Constantine and the world she shared so generously with us, her fans.

I come to the Wraeththu Hegemony bringing gifts. I am Riverrun, the Diviner. I ride Skyfyr, the Peacock of Fire. What a gorgeous world in which to spend time on my commutes, writing in my composition notebook. Maybe what I'm writing can be a kind of Wraeththu AU??

Today I sing the song of the harish body electric, my own harish DNA lighting up as I practice my baby contortion exercises through the day and every moment of my life feels like I'm drinking nonstop an ethanol-free elixir. Yeah, I'm also on cannabis, which super frees up my creative space! And my verbosity. :P

Thus endeth this panegyric.

Things are going so quickly in motion! After a thoroughly delightful phone interview/screening for one place, I now have an in-person interview a week from today. That means:

Tuesday- interview 10:00 w/ NUNM
Thursday- interview 8:00 w/ OCHIN, interview 12:00 w/ CCC

Three interviews in 72 hours. I believe that's a new record for me!!! :P

My vast thanks to @sanguinity for sharing with me that DW lets you upload images and host them here! Somehow I'd totally missed that. So here's a photo of me and Evan with @bookherd, @grrlpup and @sanguinity!!


Edited a few days later because I don't yet know how to resize. Photo perhaps coming later, perhaps not.

I thought it might be easier to create a 3-dimensional representation of what's going on in this supercalifragilisticreative brainscape in which I find myself than to try and use words. Plus, I don't think I've ever tried to show a concept of something in my head via a photo shoot! It's a few things, the most prominent one being of a double-knitted, 100% reversible swing coat with an op-art-sized houndstooth image, or oversized houndstooth pattern generally. Then there's also this Fox Paws pattern with a knitting technique I've never done so I got a set of 5 colors in inexpensive yarns to practice it. This picture sortof captures what's going on in my head with this explosion of ideas, patterns and concepts of creations I'm going to be making into real garments!

While at sauna this morning, breathing in the restorative steam solo in the steam room, I was thinking about my next mind movie, which is essentially a video vision board. I've known this was going to be an extended period of transition even before this major change due to my new job and new responsibilities. But I realized just how much I'll be learning this year in my work environment: I'll be coding for office visits and procedures. I'll be billing for facilities and professional fees. I'll be learning Centricity, an older but known software in the field. I'll be seeing what it takes to start up a successful (and hopefully aspirational!) billing department within a clinic from the ground up. I'll also be up close and personal seeing what it's like for one business manager to hand over the reins and see how the clinic can increase efficiency and evolve during such a major changing of the guard **while** establishing a brand new in-house billing and coding team.

You know what all of that is? It's incredibly useful, experiential time and knowledge to add to an already rich work life. I believe I'm going to be a sponge this year, absorbing everything I can so that I can take on a leadership role of some kind within my professional community. I've been in the workforce a long time, and have a lot of perspective and knowledge to share. Most of my work roles have been on teams of one, or entry level, with no real opportunity to be on a leadership track. But what I'm going to be a part of from it's near-genesis is an opportunity of a lifetime, really-- and the experience will be applicable in so many environments. I am very excited about the upcoming challenges and growth I can tell are headed my way.

Who am I now? Burgeoning Indomitable Leader.

Next year? I suppose I'll be gifted with that inspiration for manifestation when the time is right. :)

So you remember that post about me being worried about having to dumb myself down and wondering how long it would be before I was able to place myself into a job/career that would be challenging and exciting and I could stay with for years? Well, less than a week since I replied to someone on Indeed (she'd reached out to me back in November but I didn't see it. When I discovered it last Sunday during a casual job title search I assumed they'd hired for the role and just asked her to hold onto my resume and information should a similar role open up again), I accepted a role that ticks every box as a job I will be able to make mine in a way I haven't since working at Nashville Opera.

Thursday morning I felt compelled to check my spam folder and discovered a bit to my horror that the woman on Indeed had replied that day (Sunday) and forwarded on my information to her successor (she's retiring this month). I'd also heard from Donna (the successor), that day (Sunday). So I apologized profusely for being late in replying but said yes, I was interested, and sent resume and cover letter. Within an hour or so Donna wrote and asked if I could interview that afternoon. I said I needed to give a bit of notice, so I took a 7 a.m. interview slot yesterday morning. I sent her my references after the interview (which went very, very well, though I love interviewing and know that I tend to interview well no matter what, but I was particularly excited about the role and situation itself), and then got a call around 4:45 from a number I didn't recognize, so I didn't answer it. Due to celebrating a Friday and just not checking my phone again, I didn't check my voicemail until 10 o'clock. It had been Donna, really wanting to talk with me about the job.

As of around 10:00 last night, I enthusiastically accepted the role of Medical Billing Specialist at Columbia Pain and Spine Institute where I will be part of a small team of 3 specialists and one supervisor (Donna), building an in-house billing and support team from the ground up. Donna is hand-selecting her team (she just started in this role with the purpose of building the team) and I clicked with her immediately during our chat. We seem to be very much on the same page in terms of professionalism, having an agile mind and wanting to create a team within this clinic that, within a few years' time, is seen as a model for other clinics who choose to do/bring their billing in-house and on site. So not only will this role be a Kristi-shaped one, as when I was the one person ticketing department for Nashville Opera, a role that hadn't existed until I was in it, but the entire team will all be coming together at the same time. It's not an exaggeration that I feel like I've just joined an elite force and I will truly come into my own in regards to my profession and being able to really bring all of my skill set to the table. In no way did Donna ask this, but I would enthusiastically sign a 2-year minimum contract to be a part of this new team. I have the instinctive and intuitive sense that this will be the place and environment that is ever-challenging (without it being like Airbnb hypergrowth challenging of nothing EVER staying the same in a frenetic nightmare, but professionally challenging in terms of me able always to learn more, draw on current and future resources and professional groups, and actually challenge *myself* to throw myself into a job I actually believe in and where I will get to learn SO MUCH) where I will want to stay for a very long time. Perhaps until I retire!

So... I've had a lot of busy brain as this all came to pass so quickly, but I'm trying to slow today down back to regular time and remind myself that I've worked to get to this place. I tend to want to see a lot of serendipity and Universe gifts and this certainly falls into that category, but the other very real part is that I've done the work to get here. Despite throwing so much of 2017 into the toilet with my then-unrecognized pattern of creating chaos to start over, I did complete my Medical Coding and Billing certificate online course, I did pass both the CCA and CPC-A national certification exams last March, I did thorough and consistent job hunting to secure a Medical Billing Associate role at ZoomCare and was there nearly 4 months, and continued searching to get placed in the Patient Associate role at CenterLink. I'm the one who decided to write to you, my friends and supporters, when I was despairing about having to dumb down to be safe, ie: living in a post-alcohol environment for myself, and took your belief in me that what I was doing as temporary to heart. I've done what it takes to ensure that I have my disulfiram prescription and Evan and I are in a partnership about me taking it every other day. I'm on buspirone, and also have the Wyld gummies which are subtle yet have been a positive contributing factor to my feeling at 0 on a scale of 1-10 in regards to stress. My brain is healing, I'm living authentically, I feel my core values are far less misty and becoming ever clearer to me, and none of this is a struggle. For that reason alone I know that all of these decisions and this extended period of transition is, without a single doubt, what I am meant to be doing at this time in my life. I believe that the ultimate gift of 2019 will be my year without fear.

Right here, right now, I no longer fear myself.

Oh, and I've been in my post-alcohol phase since 1st December, so today marks 6 consecutive weeks of making that choice. This is nearly always when I get really squirrely, but with all of the other tools I'm actively using at this time, plus the mega excitement of this new role, means that I can safely celebrate (if I feel the need to put that label on it) with the gummies and not immediately put all of these extraordinary opportunities at high risk. What an incredible gift all of this is. I'm awash in gratitude.

So I haven't done this in... years, but I'm finding myself writing in small bits during my 15 minute morning break and 30 minute lunch. It seems like it was back when I was at Rosetta Stone and writing Wraeththu and Slave Breaker fanfic that I would eat my lunch in the back seat of my car (back then I had an hour) and just write and write in my composition notebooks. It feels delightfully familiar to be doing that now, though it's the third and final novella of my original Reggie/Kelp "Surprised at Nothing" set. I don't know what the ultimate plot line is going to be, but the characters already surprised me when I was at sauna last Sunday. That was when the new ideas came to me and I started writing on them Sunday afternoon. Sauna is such a gift to me on so many different levels!!

Tonight I'm going to my first group class at Oaks Park. SO EXCITED!! Not least because the class cost includes skates and you can stay afterwards for the general skate to practice your new moves. I'll definitely post how it went!

Last night after having a really blissful, productive yet also leisurely, weekend, I found myself somewhat unexpectedly in tears and asking Evan if he thought that I'd need to sacrifice truly compelling/engaging/challenging work for the rest of my life in order to be 'safe' in regards to my disorder. In other words: is the ultimate sacrifice in having a mostly stress-free life in which I'm not drawn toward alcohol as any kind of coping mechanism (but also not bored, because that's an even more compelling trigger for me, longer term) that I don't challenge myself in a work environment? That I'll never be paid anything close to what I believe I could earn, and more importantly, be in a role in which I'm learning new skills, taking on more responsibility, and feeling like I'm actually being challenged? He was very encouraging and supportive and said, "No, what you're doing now isn't going to be permanent. Once you have some real time under your belt and your brain and body and psyche have had an opportunity to really heal and you're feeling much stronger, only you would be able to hold yourself back. What you're doing now is temporary. Goodness only knows how things will be a few, much less several months or a year or more from now. You'll be working for at least a couple more decades, if you want. This is just how things are now."

I really, really, needed to hear that from him. If any of you, most of whom have known me for a decade or longer and haven't seen me function in an alcohol-free mode for more than 7 months at a time (and even then, that's only happened twice since... 1988), if you can envision how much more potent and fulfilled I will be in the future and can share that, I'd be grateful. No pressure, however. 😍

This holiday season my heart goes out especially to those for whom this year everything is ALL WRONG. A loved one committed suicide and isn't here for the first time. A loved one has inexplicably gone missing, and there is still no word. Others look around and are confronted with a precious-one-shaped gaping absence-- the departure perhaps expected, but just as permanent. A lap is bereft of a lifetime furry (or feathered, or otherwise) companion. It seems as though there should be unique cards to send to those suffering the traumatic first 'celebration' in which loss and grief are around every corner, and heard echoing in every bright tune.

For you to whom this is relevant: you aren't forgotten, or shunned. I (and others) hold your pain, so as to share the burden. You are not alone. We hold you gently in light and love.

I found the Gimli trip fic I'd been working on back in '09 (helpfully labeled on the flash drive as 'Gimli Trip Fic, lol, and I really like the title I had/have for it, "A Journey Measured in Friends"), and it's a good 9.3K. The problem? I apparently at the time had some big secret that Gimli was going to tell Pippin and Merry once he arrived in Hobbiton (this is set post-WR when Pippin's second daughter is about 6) but for the life of me, I have no idea now what he was going to tell them. Do I hope it comes back, or just go back to it and ignore that part and potentially re-write it? Oh, the questions. ;)

I've really been enjoying my time off work spent mostly with Evan, but also taking some intense, focused classes at Industrial Barre which is close to me, especially when borrowing Evan's car. Yesterday he and I did something very spontaneous for us (ie: planned out in under 24 hours): we went to Mt. Scott Community Center so I could get my roller skating fix for free!! We were able to visit briefly with our friends Holly and Elizabeth, who walked up to see us and chat and look around at a First Nation fundraiser, and then we went to see Jocelyn at her house. So much socializing in one day! But it was a good time. And here I am, skating! I really prefer Oaks Park, which is a proper skating rink (not a converted basketball court), and there were way too many children, but I at least got to skate for about a half hour or so.



(if the link doesn't work, here it is just written out: http://thrihyrne.net/pictures/20181124KJLSkating.mov)

In joyous news, I discovered a whole new season of The Great British Baking Show streaming on Netflix, so we've been enjoying that and also the newest season of "Sheltand," which arrived on disk. That, my beloved, and knitting, and it's been so wonderful!!