Dumbing down, being safe, and patience

[thrihyrne]

Last night after having a really blissful, productive yet also leisurely, weekend, I found myself somewhat unexpectedly in tears and asking Evan if he thought that I'd need to sacrifice truly compelling/engaging/challenging work for the rest of my life in order to be 'safe' in regards to my disorder. In other words: is the ultimate sacrifice in having a mostly stress-free life in which I'm not drawn toward alcohol as any kind of coping mechanism (but also not bored, because that's an even more compelling trigger for me, longer term) that I don't challenge myself in a work environment? That I'll never be paid anything close to what I believe I could earn, and more importantly, be in a role in which I'm learning new skills, taking on more responsibility, and feeling like I'm actually being challenged? He was very encouraging and supportive and said, "No, what you're doing now isn't going to be permanent. Once you have some real time under your belt and your brain and body and psyche have had an opportunity to really heal and you're feeling much stronger, only you would be able to hold yourself back. What you're doing now is temporary. Goodness only knows how things will be a few, much less several months or a year or more from now. You'll be working for at least a couple more decades, if you want. This is just how things are now."

I really, really, needed to hear that from him. If any of you, most of whom have known me for a decade or longer and haven't seen me function in an alcohol-free mode for more than 7 months at a time (and even then, that's only happened twice since... 1988), if you can envision how much more potent and fulfilled I will be in the future and can share that, I'd be grateful. No pressure, however. 😍

Comments

[grrlpup]

I think you have a combination of people skills and analytic detail skills that will give you access to some really cool opportunities. And you're not hesitant to invest energy and thought in your employer, either. I see you at a B-Corporation or maybe fundraising/development/strategy for a larger nonprofit. Or maybe corporate, but something human-facing yet technically chewy.

But those same skills have also gotten you a string of less-cool jobs, that haven't been set up for growth or been all that interesting. I mean, it's terrific to be able to get one of those jobs quickly when you need a job-any-job! but now when you look at the list, the proportion of not-so-great is over-represented. It's not indicative of how the future needs to be will be [edited so it doesn't read like "ought to be"].

[thrihyrne]

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I'd LOVE to work at a B-Corp!! Or back at a nonprofit, especially in academics. And things may work out that way. My skill set will only be even more appealing by staying put for a while, since I've had a string of short working time periods. It's important for me to remember that as well. I may be placed by a temp agency, but being able to get a really good, recent reference is so important. Thanks again for your insights and the reminder that the future will probably be quite different. ♥

[febobe]

Oh, dearest, I am so behind on comments to you and others, but I had to say something. I believe Evan, b/c I can see that, and I have had a similar situation. As you know, I don't struggle with alcohol in my life, but I have other struggles involving mental and physical health, and after crashing and burning in a spectacularly exciting (and stressful) career, I've spent a lot of years since frustrated and wondering whether I'd ever be capable of more than dribs and drabs of writing work at a time. But the answer for me has been - yes. It's been a clawing-my-way-uphill battle, and still is, and likely always will be, but I'm doing better, hard as it is. And I continue to strive for better, even during times like this.

Don't let setbacks or doubt scare you. You've got this. And remember...if you want, there are also a lot of ways to find excitement and challenge outside work stuff, too. :) But yes, I understand where you're coming from...and yes, I believe you can be more fulfilled in the future, as you gain experience and keep fighting the good fight.

I'm pretty flattened for the night, but I just had to tell you that, sweetpea. <3 Love you.

work challenges

[thrihyrne]

the answer for me has been - yes. It's been a clawing-my-way-uphill battle, and still is, and likely always will be, but I'm doing better, hard as it is. And I continue to strive for better, even during times like this.
Yes, this! I appreciate your comments and insights so very much. I hold close to myself the thought of looking back 6-9 months from now, or longer, and that the future will be so different. I may as well not put limits on it!! ♥