Thrihyrne

Today's being really phenomenal. I attended the Sanctuary alumni call/video chat this morning and it was incredibly intimate in terms of participants (3, then a 4th showed up 45 minutes into the hour long time) and also in terms of ground we covered aloud during our talk. I felt as though I had a year's worth of counseling/therapy insights shared with me in under an hour! I'm going to write up some of the topics we discussed, as well as a slew of visual imagery and analogies that came to me. Great discussions about our shadow selves, respecting those self-defense processes and patterns that kept us alive even though we don't use them now, and specifics of how to be mindful. What a gift.

Analogies and insights kept coming while Evan and I went and ran some errands, including a new understanding that in addition to this year being that in which I am a Burgeoning Indomitable Leader, 2019 is also the Year I Don't Justify My Actions. Since December I've been living authentically and not harming myself and others, no small feat for someone out of practice. I feel I can trust my decision making at this time, which also means there's no innate fear of having done something wrong. Or feeling that I'll get caught out on something I felt was wrong at the time but did it anyway, hoping I could get away with it. Without that baggage, there's no need to rationalize or justify. It's giving me a lot more bandwidth to focus my energies on work and my creative outputs.

Speaking of, I'm on hiatus from the third Reggie/Kelp. I've had an outpouring of textile images and projects come to me in recent weeks, so I'm finishing up a knitting project for one of my nieces and then will commence on several other knitting projects. That's what's been coming at me, so that's what I'm throwing my time and energies into. I'm sure I'll cycle back around to writing when that's what feels right. Trusting those instincts is also a gift.

As Evan said to me this morning, "You sound like you're in your dharma!" ☸

So much gratitude!! ☺

Pictures of my current knitting project! Was talking about working on this Owl Cardigan with my sister and mom last night and realized I'd not taken any photos yet. Link to the project on my Ravelry page is here! But since I'm me, if you don't want to click, the photo is below as well. ;)



And 2 mini posters I liked enough to download from an occasional glance over at FB:

It's not quite finished, but I'm getting pretty close! Many of you all aren't on the Book of Face, which is absolutely fine (I mostly play games) but it's become so difficult for me to post pics here in DW/LJ land. But! Ravelry has made it super easy. I uploaded 5 new pictures of this double knitted, reversible vest for my brother, and you can see the pics here! I'm going to have heaps of yarn left over. I think I may need to make one similar for me, though sized appropriately. My brother is tall and has a very broad chest and back. It's been mostly fun to work on, and I've found myself really enjoying double knitting. A couple of months ago evannichols and I even sat in bed talking about an excel program he could make up in order to make a double-knitted, reversible vest or top with a different design on each side. It'd be a nightmare to look at in terms of a charted pattern, but with only 2 colors, it could easily be made into a binary chart that he could help make.

Yes, uber geeks. ♥

I'm on the cusp of going on my first actual holiday/vacation type thing in about a year. Evan and I are going to Rockaway Beach, Oregon, tomorrow, staying in a large beachhouse with his parents, sister Arwen & family, and brother Dana & wife & daughter & granddaughter. I'm really looking forward to spending time at the beach, and sleeping, and doing some social things, and having a lot - lot - of downtime. :) There will be internet and phone and such, but I'm determined not to check work email at all and to put that part of my life completely on pause while I'm gone. I suspect it will be easier said than done, but I'll try to make it happen.

I printed up my Wraeththu novellas to bring with me to re-read and edit, and it makes me feel a bit odd that I've committed to doing this. I've never revisited any completed work of mine for a serious edit like this before, and I'm uncertain as to how the process will go, if I'll be appalled or if I'll enjoy reading it, if I'll be overcome by memories of what my life was like when I wrote them, and of the initial major overhaul/edit/rewrite from 2009. Hard to say. Hopefully it won't be traumatic or demoralizing. I'm also bringing my notebook to work on my Charliefic which I haven't written on in a couple of weeks. I suspect I'll get a bunch done on that while on break. This will be a very different situation from Evan and me going away together… although now I realize Evan and I have not actually had a holiday together yet, just the two of us. The trips we've made since we've been a couple have all been with our families— and we like our families, but I've just made a verbal commitment that after this trip and the one in September to go to Wenatchee to spend the better part of a week with my dad and stepmom, we will take our next trips just the two of us. I'm pretty sure that our five days together with his family (absent one sibling and progeny) will be just fine. As he pointed out, they are a family of introverts. But I bring with me from my own family of origin (at least to do with my mother) a sense of dread about doing my own thing and being seen as asocial and trying to isolate myself. I believe that there will be a healthy balance of doing my own very-much-needed-downtime activities (reading, editing, writing, reading, knitting and dicking around on the internet, walking, jogging on the beach, sleeping) and group meals, some organic conversation, and working on puzzles. Some of my worries are because I've only spent short periods of time with these folks (2 days) except for his sister Arwen and family, who I know well from when Evan lived with them. I'm probably worrying unnecessarily, but I articulated all of this to Evan and he (unsurprisingly) was very understanding.

So I'll have my computer and will definitely still be online, and hopefully quite productive while also being a lazy, lazy person. :)

My throat hurts. Again. And I'm a bit congested. I really didn't approve of this! :scowl: At least thus far evannichols seems to be dodging it. We're both grateful for that. I'm not great company when I'm sick, not that I complain overmuch, but because I do get sulky and very quiet. Often as productive as normal, but quiet and with a bit of a stormy vortex. Good thing that I work from home.

I'm really hoping to go try out an adult ballet class at Portland Ballet Theater tomorrow; I bought canvas ballet flats and everything so that I wouldn't have an excuse not to at least try a drop-in. I'm getting all worked up, however, because the one listed as Ballet 1 is actually intermediate level. There are two adult ballet workshops, both full, and neither of which I could attend with my work schedule. But those are for super-beginning ballet, and one level up. I danced intensely until I was 16, and then was in a bus accident that injured my back, but I'd healed up enough to take some ballet and modern again in college. In other words, I was pretty skilled, but at this point I've not tried ballet in a class setting since I was around 26. I tried something like this back then in Nashville, and I remember leaving the class in tears, being wretchedly disappointed in that while my mind remembered so much, and my body had the kinetic memory, even back then I'd lost some flexibility. Now I'm 43. But I'm going to go and give it a try, and hopefully it'll go well and I can keep dropping in the Wednesday 9:30-11 classes and work on regaining some suppleness. More to come on that front.

I'm in the final stages of finishing up another repurposed yarn project:


It's an adorable pattern and the first I'd done from this Japanese company. Only one size was given which, thankfully, happens to be my size. I modified the top in that it was supposed to be crocheted, but I don't know how. So I used an openwork knitted pattern instead. There's crocheted edging around the collar, armholes, and bottom, as well as a corsage flower thing in front. Fortunately for me, there is a crocheter in the apartment: evannichols knows how and is going to instruct me so I can finish up this lovely cotton top. I also sprinkled beads throughout the body just because I had them and thought it would jazz it up a bit. I'm quite pleased with how it's turning out.

There are so many ways in which I feel more and more grounded these days— in recent days, it's because I came back from Harrisonburg with pretty much all of my belongings. The rug and bin that we shipped arrived yesterday, so it's all here now. In going through it, I came across two lovely and talisman-filled care packages from rainwish that hadn't initially made their way here. Now my altar is truly gorgeous, with fabric, more stones, a Lego Gimli (not from Rainwish, but he is my symbol of strength), a polished circle of stone I'd held on to from my college roommate (perhaps even given as a birthday gift while still in school), and a paper crane from a newer friend, ohthatjocelyn. There's also a colorful cornucopia Thevina/Kristi-centric collage created by emansil_12 on the shelf nearby. I'll take another picture soon. It fills me with such joy to glance over at it, much less spend quiet time there in meditation, or just sitting quietly with my morning coffee, breathing in openness and breathing out anxiety, holding my loved ones in light.

And in other news: The cabled hoodie I'd knitted that never fit properly on me turns out to fit grrlpup like a glove! I'm thrilled that it's with her. There's still enough yarn left (or so I hope, lol) that I'm going to make this vest for myself: The back is equally gorgeous.

Today is my first official day of training as a promoted specialist in Resolutions. This really wasn't the area I'd planned to go to in my time at Airbnb, but the need was there and I believe that once I learn more of the ins and outs of basic protocol, I'll find a very happy home as a 'Resolutionary.' They deal very much in the grey area of disputes and people who are generally unhappy for a variety of reasons. While I do very much enjoy having policies and standards to use as the girders of responding to our users, I think I'll find it quite empowering now to be able to have the tools to grant refunds, take losses, educate and warn (when necessary) with a more authoritative voice so improve our ever-expanding community of users. So… let the training begin!

I'll link to the Raverly page which has more pics and my general dissatisfaction with how it fits in the back, but also from my upper chest upwards. But the sleeves and the yarn are gorgeous!

http://ravel.me/Thevina/m1

A couple of things:
I am so grateful to sanguinity and grrlpup for their friendship. Evan and I went to their house on Saturday for a not-exactly-Thanksgiving dinner, which was not just scrumptious, but delightful to enjoy their company. As I have Wednesdays off, I'm hoping to meet with Sanguinity each week and go for a walk and/or chat and/or knit. I love that!! Having someone locally to chat with and with whom I have a fair bit in common is really great. I'll look forward to getting to know grrlpup better in the future as well.

I'm back to working on my yummy cardigan. Makes me so happy! And I realized I'd not posted a picture of my sister-in-love's baby in the blanket I made for her. So this is Mazie, Evan's niece.

I've finished two knitting projects this morning. So of course there are ( pics!! )

The rest of today will focus on making a crazy amount of buttonholes in my convertible riding pants, making 20 covered buttons, packing for being away from this home for a week, and at long last putting a zipper in my Samus cardigan again so it's a proper cardigan. Plus I have Charlie's Angels "Full Throttle" from the library to entertain me while I hand-sew a zipper into a sweater. Yay. :D

A major element of my life may be going pear-shaped, but it's not worth me obsessing about because there is nothing for me to do about it. I will keep everyone posted.

But while I'm enjoying some unexpected time to knit, I thought I'd update my prior knitting update post. I don't have pics of my WsIP, but the cardigan for me has one completed sleeve now and I've started on the second. After two unsuccessful attempts for my spiral blanket to lie flat, I consulted with my Textile Consultant™ (otherwise known as Evan in this case) and decided to disassemble it and find a different pattern. I quickly settled on something else knit from the center outward, with a picture of it ( below the cut )

I'm already so much happier with it!! Amazing how going with the flow makes things go smoothly. And while I'm being a bit obtuse about posting public details of what's happening, I will say that I have reached out and been buouyed and supported tremendously, not just by Evan (though he is definitely my anchor) and my inner circle of friends and some family, but also my new colleagues. They know who they are.

And now, back to the joyful indulgence of watching Project Runway and knitting away. :D