Thrihyrne

Okay! The missing piece of the puzzle in what's been going on this year particularly now appears to have slotted into place: even though I can't tell by the conventional method of periods going wonky/away, in doing a lot of reading and watching a Mayo Clinic DVD about menopause in general, perimenopause what I've been experiencing for at least this past year- maybe even longer, but definitely since the spring. Not having any mood stabilizers that are effective is also a factor, but this one explains so much. Not just some of the crazy thoughts I've had, but also me being hot (which never happens) and at unexpected times, weight gain for no reason and in places I've never carried it before… I'm convinced I've found the remaining piece to work on.

So! For my sisters who've preceded me on this journey, I want to plumb your experiences and knowledge of this time. I recognize it's different for everyone, but I welcome your anecdotes, what helped and didn't, and your wisdom about how this period of time changed you— or didn't. If you'd rather email me off-list, I think you all have my email address. If not, let me know and I'll share it.

Many ups and downs last week; a highlight being a Mabon, mini-ceremony of just two of us in the park. I've also been able to become further reconciled to the reality that I may only sell a dozen or two total copies of anything I write. It really is absolutely fine. 'The Swan and the Seal' isn't yet available beyond Lulu, but should be at some point fairly soonish. I wrote a bit of new material for Defender of the Way while in Wenatchee, but haven't done much since (though typing in all of the edits took a while). I know it will all work out.

I'd planned to start getting up around 5:30 each day, do my 90 second plank and Pilates 100s and prior to starting work, spending some time at my altar and drawing a card from my Oracle deck to have as a daily focus. That lasted maybe 2 days before things got wonky. Well, I know what it is: I like to sleep in on my days off. But I still want to develop the habit of those pre-coffee mini-workouts and return to regular workouts of 3-4 a week. I know I'll feel better for it. I've also just been overindulging in general in a variety of ways and feel gross a lot of the time. I'll be trying to focus more on proteins and vegetables- something else I know future Kristi will be grateful for. It's just that present Kristi so often wants cheese rice or black beans with lots of sour cream or things similar.

I also have realized that going to Sewanee in November for a less than 72 hour trip just to sing through Godspell isn't a great idea for me right now, especially if I tried going solo. Too many ways that could go really, really wrong, especially having to rent a car and driving up and down the Mountain. I'm disappointed, but there's going to be a huge choir reunion in the spring with the retirement of Dr. Delcamp, who's been organist/choirmaster there for... 37 years. A long time. ;) Makes way more sense to plan that trip in April and maybe also spend a day or two in Nashville to show Evan another of my former haunts.

( The temp job )

( The weekend )

This week is shaping up to be particularly productive and could quite potentially herald a sea change in my life here in Portland. I have a final conversation this morning with a person who could be my supervisor at the company with whom I've been interviewing. They seem keen to bring me on board and I'm keen to put my skill set to work for them— and to stay a while. They are particularly supportive of their employees in the professional development realm, and I would love to be in a position where I can really sink my teeth into the job and plan to stay for several years, moving into another position if that fits. And if I want to! What struck me yesterday afternoon as I was lying in evannichols' arms and chatting about things was the fact that nearly everything in my life right now is win/win. I'm so grateful for him, for my friendships, for these work and self-employment possibilities… I did cry a little bit, being so overwhelmed at how phenomenal things are. I feel that I've paid dearly for being where I am now, and don't ever want to go down that dark path again.

I'll definitely keep you all posted as I know more! :)

I don't really want to put in bullet points for this post (though I enjoyed putting in flowers earlier), so I'll just write a few things to do with the wonderfulness of recent days. On Friday I had a follow-up/second-and-final interview at the downtown company where I'd love to work. It went very well, and I was asked to stay (if I could) to shadow someone for about fifteen minutes. Good sign. I'll hear from them by the end of this coming week, so I'll have closure one way or another and I'm so glad of that. I may also have an interview at another company for a temp-to-hire position through a placement company; we'll see. When evannichols and I arrived at his house Friday afternoon, I spent some time speaking with his sister about all of this because she's recently been offered and accepted a position at this company. When I did finally head inside, I found Evan looking a bit expectantly at me, and then I saw them: a beautiful bouquet of peach/coral roses, and a card. Not to do with my job hunt, but just because he's as smitten with me as I am with him. There might have been a bit of subtle swooning.

This weekend was restful and restorative, and also included some social time meeting snottygrrl to see one of the films that was part of the Studio Ghibli Film Festival held at the Portland Art Museum NW Film Center. The one we saw (My Neighbors the Yamadas) has a director other than Hayao Miyazaki; we're all Miyazaki fans and have seen many of his films on both the big and small screen. Evan and I were particularly interested in seeing at least one of these films that aren't available in a format we can rent, so that was accomplished.

I'm back over at my place now, unpacking and also preparing to repack as I'll be spending a fair amount of time at evannichols' this coming week and weekend. He has a birthday coming up on Friday, and it's one of those memorable ones that ends in either '5' or '0'. Follow his blog to know which. ;) There will be a special-ordered (by me, even!) gluten- and dairy-free fabulous cake, and dinner, and lounging, and goodness only knows what else. Maybe online Boggle. It could happen. ;) But for this evening, I'll settle in with a small serving of Fritos and queso, some Being Human, dismantling another beautiful (and free!) sweater, and a few other things before heading to bed and hitting the ground running tomorrow morning. A quick thanks to emansil_12 for the wonderful phone call today, and to llembas for the letter I received when I came home.

( Here be an update )

Oh, and in an unrelated element, I'd received an email from former roommate Julia's phone carrier as though I was going to pay it. I called customer service and was reassured that I'd not hear from them again. Well, I got another email from them referencing her phone account! I just deleted it. Not my problem and certainly not my phone. :P

I'm with evannichols serving as official Minion during the two days of Stumptown Comics Fest here in PDX! Since DW doesn't have a scrapbook function (probably my only disappointment with it) there won't be a picture here, but I'll include one in the LJ entry. I won't be around much until Tuesday, in fact, because I'll be taking my driving test at 8:00 a.m. Monday morning (aie!) and then I have an interview for a part-time box office position at a theater company Monday at 5:00 before Evan takes me back to my place. I have two art modeling gigs this week as well on Tuesday and Thursday, so a busy week in general.

So I'm posting and dashing off, but it's great fun to be at my first comic-centric con, especially spending two days with a bona fide webcomic artist! :D

AUGH! For the second or third time since Saturday, I've spent 20 minutes applying online for various positions at various job sites, only to have their server flake out and/or not save my information and expect me to start over. NOT. I took this most recent one to mean that I was supposed to stop for now, get a snack, and go watch something fun for a little while. That said, as I checked my email again, one of the companies I applied with sent an automated email for me to continue on with the process and participate in some kind of automated 15 minute phone interview. I believe I'll do that later on today or in the early morning. But I want to be fully awake, of course. Another small minor thing was discovering that my yoga pants, sweatpants (and later I discovered my winter slippers) were wet. With cat pee. One of the cats had come into my room while I was getting coffee or something and was there (under the bed, I suspect) closed in while I went off to the DMV. Thankfully the grand-matriarch of the house was doing a load of darks, so I put my pants in so they wouldn't stink. When my room still smelled like cat pee later, I did a more thorough exploration of my closet and realized the slippers also had been hit and needed to be washed. The smell is gone now, however.

On the plus side, I was at the DMV at 7:50 this morning (and still was 8th in line!) and paid my $5 and passed the knowledge test. So I got back home and called to get a driving appointment which will be a week from today. Thankfully evannichols has kindly offered up his vehicle for me to use. I shouldn't be nervous about the driving test as it was 25 years ago when I first got my license. :P After my DMV experience I was able to go out running with a spring in my step, also a plus.

Today's highlight, though, was lunch with evannichols at BHFT. It was sunny and warm today, so we spent some time out in the parking lot after eating, but we're both pretty sun sensitive. We headed back to our usual post-lunch window locale until it was time for me to return. I really enjoy being able to get on one bus and an hour later be dropped off right outside of his building, but that can't last forever. I'm taking advantage of being between jobs, to be sure!

Probably not fair to combine all of those into one post, but so be it. I met up with my cousin Matthew for coffee and tea (tea=him, coffee=me) in the Alberta district, and it was absolutely marvelous. We're both writers, both struggling with some stuff going on in our brains that we own but can't necessarily control, and from similar (well, very similar) stock genetically. We talked about a lot of stuff and I'm hoping that we'll go for a walk around Mt. Tabor next week and that we'll keep up as the weeks go on. He's newer to this part of the country than I am, but it was just delightful to hang out with someone from my extended family who can really understand what I've been through in the past half-decade or so.

So I caught the bus back to my part of town and got off a stop too soon than I'd intended, but it allowed me to wander into Good Neighbor, the Russian market close to me that I'd been wanting to visit after realizing how close it was. I was mildly disappointed in that the staff spoke to me in English (as opposed to the other two guys in the shop). Did I look that Anglo? When I'd spent three weeks in Vladimir, USSR, I could pass for a local. But not here. I did say (in Russian) that I'd studied Russian, and the woman at the counter asked if I understood, and I said a little, and that I'd forgotten most of it. But I did say the Russian equivalent of 'see ya!' as I departed, with eggs, apple cider vinegar, and red potatoes in my bags. I really need to post on Craigslist about tutoring in English if I can get some Russian tutoring in exchange.

So I got home, put away my groceries, changed clothes, and went out running. I have a new route, and it was great, taken more at a run than a jog, as evidenced that I was home within 30 minutes. But lovely, though when I attempted to take a cool-down walk, I was being rained on, so it was a very short walk.

This evening's priorities: dinner (potatoes with some sour cream before it goes bad), knitting, talking with evannichols, some ibuprofin and using my heated rice bag on both shoulder and calves, and an early night. I applied for 5 positions this morning, and there will be more tomorrow, so I know I'm keeping up my end of the deal to the universe of seeking out what is appropriate. But I must admit that I'm so excited both to see if I can model at Hipbones studio, and then to head out to BHFT and spend the night with my beloved. Even 48 hours seems like a long time. Yes, I'm becoming a romantic and am oftentimes at a loss. ♥

( a little bit of vomiting rainbows )

To my delight I've discovered that there's a SMART Recovery meeting here in the suburb where evannichols lives, even within walking distance, were it not raining. He kindly drove me to it yesterday morning, for which I was very grateful. Both as part of our commitment to each other, and my desire for him to have more of an understanding of what struggles I've had, I asked the group about resources for him. It turns out that he can attend the meeting if he wants! No problem. So he'll probably accompany me from time to time, which means so much to me. As part of the agenda at the end of their meetings, each person states a concrete goal for the week. I had three: jog at least three times, spend seven consecutive days really without drinking anything, and spend 15 hours job hunting. I won't be talking about this topic much at all in this medium as it really is between Evan and myself, but at this initial jumping-off point, I thought I would.

And now, back to the absolute joy of coffee, an unexpectedly non-rainy morning, and my beloved.

Highlights from the past couple of days:
‡ A really thoughtful bus driver yesterday who actually announced each stop before getting to it
‡ A two-part conversation with elfscribe5 over two days; we haven't spoken on the phone in a long, long time
‡ Engaging phone conversations with Jen and emansil_08 this morning, plus a card from emansil_08 as well
‡ Having an interview yesterday, even though it turned out to be a group of six of us; we got an overview of the positions and we each gave some of our relevant working background, asked some questions, and were told they'll review our resumes and will [perhaps] call some of us back next week for actual individual interviews (though that just means more bus time for me, but I think I'd groove on their customer service so I do hope they call)
‡ Having a great modeling session today from noon to 3:00— I even got a round of applause at the end! I did work pretty hard, alternating a sitting and standing pose with only two short breaks and one 10 minute one. That said, it meant the professor let me go around 2:35 instead of 3:00 and I already had my time slip for 3 hours of work. However, the business office isn't open on Saturdays so I'm still going to either have to go out there again on the bus (which means more of the cash is eaten away) or, hopefully I can go to the branch of campus that's much closer to me and cash it out there.
‡ Getting out of my modeling today and checking my phone and discovering a voicemail from my potential long-distance paramour. There's something pretty amazing about having a voicemail from someone in New Zealand. Out of curiosity, I called the number back (it's a Skype number and somehow seems to come up as a domestic 10-digit number) and got him! We're going to talk again later tonight, so I'm definitely looking forward to that.
‡ Along those lines, the wireless router I ordered from Amazon showed up this morning instead of some time after Thanksgiving, as I had expected. Once I get it set up I'll be able to video chat with said intriguing individual in NZ. :)
‡ For fun I downloaded a Cirque du Soleil video to my computer and will watch that this evening while knitting until my phone call comes in
‡ Lunch with evannichols tomorrow!! Should be wonderful to get caught up and I'm really looking forward to seeing him again.