Thrihyrne

(posted originally to LJ)

I don't post very often here anymore, nor do I check as often, but this morning as I was doing so, I realized just how much I miss it. So, hello!! I did get in about a half hour or so of writing this past week, which just isn't very much. I keep thinking I'll take time and I nearly always decide to knit instead, or call someone, or just sit quietly play Candy Crush. This week is The Week Before I Have To Return to SF For Another Work-Required Visit. Last November was an absolute clusterfuck. This visit won't be, but I still have enough churning negative feelings about it to be savvy enough to have scheduled sessions with my therapist both before and after the trip. The days themselves for this summit will be absolutely packed from morning until night, so no hope of creative pursuits next week. It will be an endurance test, while trying not to see it as an endurance test, while trying to respect all of my emotions about being there, away from my support system, and not getting too snarky with colleagues or openly negative about many of my thoughts about upcoming changes I'm really very unhappy about. So this week is the week before that, and I'll try very hard to stay in the moment and not project forward. Easier said than done.

I did buy some gorgeous ombre patterned taffeta over the weekend and moved my altar so that it's no longer under a shelf. It looks and feels so right now; the space is open and the energies can breathe and disperse. That's how it seems to me, anyway. I've also consulted a pagan prayer book and selected and modified a few general prayers to memorize as ways to center myself. I'm learning that it's really obvious when my behaviors are in accordance with dharma. It feels right and flows organically and there's usually a lot of emotions that manifest themselves and then they pass. This is a far, far cry from hiding out in the relative safety of my head, and drinking down the feelings I didn't know how to deal with. I'm incredibly grateful to be on this side of those incredibly challenging years. Finally knowing that anger has been the source of so much of my self-sabotage has been empowering in a way I've never experienced before. It also helps that I've had plenty of therapy in recent years, and I've done a LOT of self-analysis, so I was in a place to accept this knowledge without judgment.

Huh. This really was just going to be about how I'm not writing yet, and still really intend to, but instead you get rather a thinky post about my journey. :)

For whatever reason, after a particularly lovely weekend with evannichols (nothing unusual happened; I just felt even closer and more tender-hearted about him/us), yesterday morning I felt really out of sorts. I later decided that I should be a bit more careful about what I watch when feeling isolated. Watching stories about a Scandinavian cop investigating murders whose father is also beginning to suffer from dementia ("Wallander") is perhaps not the wisest choice. :P The day improved, however, and today I'll get to work earlier than usual and head up to Evan's work and then spend the evening together. I'll also be doing my first video preliminary interview with a company I'd applied to a week or so ago. I don't know that I'll ever be used to automated processes like that, aside from various online testing that I've done. When applying for the downtown company where I got through to the very end of their hiring process, early on I had to call and was asked a series of pre-recorded questions and had a three-minute per-question time limit to answer on the spot. That kind of freaked me out. This video part should be interesting (different company), but I'm having to do it at Evan's as my Mac mini does not have a webcam. These new requirements by companies, or assumptions, anyway, that applicants will have easy access to webcams and microphones is a bit misguided in my view. I suppose it's part of the current way to reduce time and in-house resources in order to winnow down the applicant field. I don't really approve.

Last Saturday evannichols, snottygrrl and I saw the new Pixar film 'Brave'. It was okay. Very pretty, and occasionally funny, but I didn't find it emotionally engaging at all. That said, it was full of redheads, which made me very happy. What made me even more pleased was yesterday I was talking with my supervisor and told her I saw the movie and she noted that someone in one of the other departments had referenced me as 'That new person who looks like the girl in Brave.' LOL!! Now granted, I do have red, wavy hair. But I don't have a head of hair like this, though it is exactly the head of hair I've wanted so desperately to have since I was a child. The comparison cheered me, nonetheless.

A total aside: I need more slats for my bed. I only have three, and the mattress sags not inconsequentially, and it's taking a toll on my neck. Something will need to be done about this.

It occurred to me that I have several folks on my flist who live in England and you might be interested in coming to hear one of the services or concerts I'll be singing in during the week-long tour. I'd love for you to come and also to introduce yourself to me!! I think everyone on my flist knows what I look like; if not, email me and I'll send a pic off-list. Here's the singing itinerary: Ooops. I just realized that while I have the dates and locations, I don't have the times of day. I'll get that from my choir director tonight and post it tomorrow. But here's the dates and locations:
Thursday, June 24th— Lunchtime Concert in Lady Chapel of Ely Cathedral
Saturday, June 26th— Concert in Durham Cathedral – 2:00pm (okay; I have one time)
Monday, June 28th— Rehearsal and Evensong in York Minster
Tuesday, June 29th— Concert or service in Bradford Cathedral

( u.k. map pic )

( tarot stuff )