Out at sea, but no sea change
Jun. 12th, 2012 06:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thrihyrne Despite myself, or to spite myself, perhaps, I began making poor decisions Tuesday afternoon. When I was informed on Thursday that the company I'd finally been allowing myself to believe would hire me and things would all change for the better and I wouldn't have another crazy commute and I'd have regular working hours and all of that— well, they didn't. I did not react well. Thankfully I was still able to have quite a wonderful weekend with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
evannichols starting Saturday morning. As part of that…
… I am now wearing a talisman. It's something that is a physical reminder that even though I will probably never spend 24/7 with Evan, his support for me, his deep-hearted desire for us to work out, and his equally keen need and hope for me never to have incidents like last week again are always with me. Psychologically, this is huge for me. Because when I get into a dark head space and the negative self-talk has taken over and I've quit fighting it, I don't think about anybody else. It's a very selfish place. So having this, an item whichevannichols not only made himself, but wore for a time, is a powerful totem that I can touch at any time and be reminded that my actions have consequences. And that all I need to do to be reminded of how empowered and confident and content and optimistic I am when with Evan, is feel the secure weight of my talisman.
I'm back to job-hunting and trying to keep a positive attitude. It's a huge challenge, I must admit. I'm headed out to Gresham tomorrow morning for an interview that I suspect will be a waste of time, but I'm back to being determined to stay open and non-judgmental about any opportunity. At least until proven otherwise. I am finally making headway on my other project, knitting my first-ever self-designed garment. I'll be casting on garment #2 this afternoon while hanging out at Evan's workplace between lunch and spending the evening with him. I've also been reading a lot and watching a lot of documentaries. No specific recs, however. I'm also, as a new element to trying to stay in a more positive mindspace, doing visualizations at least a couple of times a day. These are focused on two things: what a life withevannichols could be like, and projecting/anticipating/visualizing myself being employed and doing something meaningful and feeling upbeat and empowered to that end. Such messages and anticipations to the universe certainly can't hurt, and it's good for me to take the time, especially when I'm feeling particularly powerless/in 'fuck it all' mode, to spend even four or five minutes to really focus on goals for myself that involve my happiness. It's all part of the process. And, as always, things could be much worse.
I'll leave this rambling post with a quote from a book I finished yesterday: "True nobility isn't about being better than anyone else; it's about being better than you used to be."
~Wayne Dyer
evannichols starting Saturday morning. As part of that…… I am now wearing a talisman. It's something that is a physical reminder that even though I will probably never spend 24/7 with Evan, his support for me, his deep-hearted desire for us to work out, and his equally keen need and hope for me never to have incidents like last week again are always with me. Psychologically, this is huge for me. Because when I get into a dark head space and the negative self-talk has taken over and I've quit fighting it, I don't think about anybody else. It's a very selfish place. So having this, an item which
evannichols not only made himself, but wore for a time, is a powerful totem that I can touch at any time and be reminded that my actions have consequences. And that all I need to do to be reminded of how empowered and confident and content and optimistic I am when with Evan, is feel the secure weight of my talisman.I'm back to job-hunting and trying to keep a positive attitude. It's a huge challenge, I must admit. I'm headed out to Gresham tomorrow morning for an interview that I suspect will be a waste of time, but I'm back to being determined to stay open and non-judgmental about any opportunity. At least until proven otherwise. I am finally making headway on my other project, knitting my first-ever self-designed garment. I'll be casting on garment #2 this afternoon while hanging out at Evan's workplace between lunch and spending the evening with him. I've also been reading a lot and watching a lot of documentaries. No specific recs, however. I'm also, as a new element to trying to stay in a more positive mindspace, doing visualizations at least a couple of times a day. These are focused on two things: what a life with
evannichols could be like, and projecting/anticipating/visualizing myself being employed and doing something meaningful and feeling upbeat and empowered to that end. Such messages and anticipations to the universe certainly can't hurt, and it's good for me to take the time, especially when I'm feeling particularly powerless/in 'fuck it all' mode, to spend even four or five minutes to really focus on goals for myself that involve my happiness. It's all part of the process. And, as always, things could be much worse.I'll leave this rambling post with a quote from a book I finished yesterday: "True nobility isn't about being better than anyone else; it's about being better than you used to be."
~Wayne Dyer