"Down the Whispering Well," post 11, Epilogue

[thrihyrne]

Title: Down the Whispering Well
This post rating: general
Warnings: none
Word Count: 1927
Disclaimer: Ashmael, Vaysh, and the harish world all belong to Storm Constantine; I'm merely playing with great abandon in her sandbox.
Pairings: Vaysh/Ashmael (historic); this post, Vaysh/Velaxis

Novella summary: Being brought back from the dead doesn't mean happily ever after, especially if you're Vaysh. Life has its costs, and he pays dearly. An exploration of Vaysh's character in the years before and through Pellaz's transformation, and the burdens he endures, because he must.

Post summary: Time passes, some deep wounds begin to heal. Vaysh may never be comfortable around Ashmael again, but there are others who will always care for him. Continued from post 10, here.

Thanks again to all who have read this novella and shared your enthusiasm with me!


"It's so hard to believe this is already happening," Jaffa said through a mouthful of some kind of fruit tart. "It seems like only a few months ago he was a harling, being chatty and getting into everything, and now he's going to take aruna for the first time."

I gave him a smile, fidgeting with the brass bangle I wore much of the time, Pell's first peace offering. "I remember your Feybraiha," I said softly. "What a time that was! You were so moody, and then that night when the storms came, and you chose Abelard. I was quite shocked."

Jaffa grinned wolfishly at the memory. "I knew to heed my instincts. Besides, I turned out okay. Abelard was the one my body knew would be right. Yaz let us choose for him. Actually, he asked us to, but we'd had a sense of the right har and Yaz is, um, quite excited."

"I would be, too. He's striking, and easy on the eyes."

"It's the hair," Firethorn commented, having stepped over to join our conversation.

"Well, yes. Not just anyone could pull that off, but it's flattering on him," I said, looking at Lidka, Yaz's to-be aruna partner. He had long, wavy hair, a vivid orange colour with bright turquoise streaks around his face and across the bottom six inches or so. He was one of Jaffa's and Firethorn's artist friends, and someone who'd been a fan of theirs since their early days in Ferelithia. Yazdyar kept giving him hungry looks, and I was grateful to see that the older har was aware and through his own body language, was sending reciprocal messages.

"This is a lovely party," I went on, swirling my wine a couple of times before taking a sip.

"I'm so glad the Tigron let you loose so you could be here," Firethorn said earnestly, slipping his hand behind my waist and resting his head on my shoulder. "You and Ashmael, both."

I let out a deep breath. Ashmael was here, in another part of the courtyard, speaking animatedly to one of Jaffa's engineering hara. To me he radiated 'Gelaming Royalty' in a way I didn't believe that I did. I'd learned how to wield my power in a far more unobtrusive manner, but Ashmael always stood out, especially when decked neck to toe in black leather. He was devastatingly attractive, and he knew it. I had a niggling need to go and talk with him; it was still so awkward and painful, though.

"Why doesn't he accept you?" Jaffa asked, newly upset for me, and Ashmael's insistence on keeping his distance from me. "He should be ecstatic! I mean, I know I wasn't the best about things when I first saw you, but still."

I took another swallow of wine. I would bear the bruises of Ashmael's disgust and rejection for many years, I was certain of it, but a tiny seed of peace had been planted in my soul.

"I'm just unnatural to him," I said simply. "I'm damaged, and I know I'm different than I was in Castlegar, or even before that. I do hope he'll be less repulsed over time. He'll be going to Megalithica; no doubt that will make things easier."

Firethorn's hand squeezed comfortingly on my hip. "I'm sorry things haven't worked out. I think he's a fool."

"He can't help it," I explained, marvelling that I was instinctively defending him. "I'm a monster to him, or was. He's better about me now, but I don't think we'll ever friends. I've had time to get used to that."

Jaffa glowered; I knew it had been Firethorn's decision to invite him at all. He was more of a peacemaker, while Jaffa's loyalties had resolutely swung to me after our time together. He'd come to terms with me and my rebirth, and he was content to let Ashmael stay out of their lives if he was unwilling to do the same.

"He's not the same har I knew and looked up to," Jaffa said, his words scornful.

"We've all changed, quite a bit," I murmured.

Ashmael stood alone, at ease with himself until he glanced over at our trio, when he blanched just slightly. I saw a flicker of remorse, enough for me to decide to cross the yawning chasm of only a few yards. "I'll be back shortly," I said, easing out of Firethorn's protective hold.

"You're more beautiful than he is," Jaffa said fiercely, under his breath. "And you were a part of Yaz's conception. He's not done that."

I wasn't as strong as I wished, and memories still buffeted me when I saw him, causing me to wall myself off and become snappish and irritable. On this day, the love and affection of Jaffa and Firethorn, and even Yazdyar's obvious happiness kept me from becoming icy. I walked slowly over to Ashmael, seeing his guard go up but I accepted his change in demeanour without surprise.

"I hear you'll be taking your troops to Megalithica soon," I said, noting he relaxed a fraction since I'd not brought up anything overtly personal.

He nodded, and looked around at a nearby table where there was a half full bottle of wine. He refilled his glass and offered to do the same for me. I held out my glass, both of us careful not to get too physically close.

"We'll be leaving in a couple of weeks, as you know," he said briskly. "There's a part of me really looking forward to teaching the Varrs a lesson. Though we may be there for a while. It could end up that we play a waiting game, but even that has its appeal. Immanion can get to feeling like a fishbowl."

I huffed a laugh. "That's true."

I paused; we really didn't have all that much to say to one another, but at least in this moment when I gazed into his face, I didn't see him recoil as he had that first year or so.

"Yazdyar is really something," he said, his words thrumming with intrigue. "Quite a potent mix of his hostling and father."

I nodded. "And so at peace with who and where he is. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he becomes as prominent here as his parents, in his own right."

Ashmael made an affirming noise, and then glanced at me again. The openness on his face shuttered closed. Inwardly I winced, and felt my own expression harden.

"I hope things go well with the Varrs," I said, hating him for a moment when I saw his relief that I was leaving.

"Yes. Well, Thiede has some unexpected plans hidden up those velvet sleeves of his. They'll be surprised, to say the least."

"Most hara are."

I turned and made my way over to Yazdyar, who was reveling in the attention and thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Thank you for coming," he said brightly, his attentions continually drawn to Lidka, now walking over to take his place at Yaz's side. "It wouldn't have been right if you weren't here. Why'd Thorn and Father invite the Gelaming General, though?"

"He was a part of our past. You are the present." I cradled his head in my hands, brushing kisses on both cheeks. "I'll issue an invitation to come to Immanion, soon. Tonight, enjoy yourself. I can tell you'll be well taken care of."

Lidka arched an eyebrow at me in thanks.

Yaz enfolded me in a crushing hug. "Thank you for the phoenix. I still wear it every day. Thorn says it was given to you by somehar who's dead now, but he loved you."

"He did," I said softly. "You're going to have a very interesting life, and I plan to keep up with you."

"You'd better." He clung to me, and then loosed his hold.

I made my goodbyes, informing Jaffa and Firethorn that I'd have a proper invitation to Immanion sent in the near future.

"Are you sure you won't stay? There's plenty of room in our bed," Firethorn said warmly.

"No. I have an appointment in Phaonica, but thank you."

I left the frenetic activity of Ferelithia behind me as I rode Tassia through the Otherlanes back to Immanion. She was given to her usual groom, and I made my way back to my apartment. Pellaz had a dinner function with some dignitaries from Sulh, and would be occupied for much of the night; that was part of the reason why I'd arranged the appointment I had, as I knew I'd need it and this particular har was, by design, the utmost in discretion. He arrived as the clock tower bell tolled nine, precisely on time. Velaxis was never late, never early. I admired that in him, among other things. His cool gaze evaluated me before a sun-warmed smile captured his lips.

"The party went well, I take it," he stated, and I nodded. His perceptiveness rivaled mine, but in this realm, I still needed infinite guidance. "You'll need to ride me, hard."

"Are you a horse, then?"

"Finer than any sedu." His expression was sly mischief, and I adored him for it. This was business, of a most intimate venture; as I had in the past, I trusted him fully. "I'll just get you out of these bothersome robes."

"What, no riding crop? Or spurs?"

"I think we've beaten that analogy to death. Hush, Vaysh," he crooned, and I became grateful putty in his talented hands. "All we ever have is now, and for now, you've invited me to care for you. Let me do so."

I did ride him, hard. My body milked its pleasure, and his serpent tongue flickered deep within me, a web in my stratagem, a soothing weft to my weave of pain. We spoke for a time afterwards, sharing some wine a thoughtful servant had placed beside the bed.

"I've said this before, but you're enchanting," Velaxis said tenderly, tucking me into my crisp sheets. "Please call on me at any time. Though I do fear I'll be sent to Megalithica with the troops and much of the Hegemony."

"I'll miss you," I murmured, cocooning into my burrow of pillows.

"At least someone will," he sighed, though his words were surely ironic.

We weren't outwardly friendly outside of the occasional invitations I issued to him for his arunic skills, but within the safety of my apartment walls, I allowed myself to remember our interludes from the past. Velaxis and I were both very private hara, and neither he nor I wished to provide any fodder for gossip. He also seemed to be fond of Caeru, whom I'd grown to dislike more and more since his arrival in Phaonica. Still, Velaxis could keep his mouth shut, and his expert touch was a balm I enlisted from time to time.

"Stay, just until I fall asleep," I pleaded. He did, spooned behind me, drawing fanciful patterns on my back and spinning wild tales until I drifted off. I awoke in the dark of night, startled at the sound of someone in my rooms. It was Pell, drunk and seeking a trusted companion. His consort certainly didn't count. I managed to ease him out of his shoes and formal robes and he curled against me, murmuring his thanks. I breathed in his scent, saffron and spicy authority, and chanted brief incantations of protection over him. As moonlight spilled across his brows, furrowed even in sleep, I wished him peace, hoping some would be gifted to me as well.

Comments

[persephone100.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm so sorry to see this story end. I have enjoyed every poetic word! (Somehow I missed posts 9 and 10, so I read them and 11 all in a row today. So that's why I'm just leaving a comment here.)

I love the way you've been totally in canon, yet it seems like reading the story for the first time, too. Your story from Vaysh's POV just melds so perfectly with canon, yet is told so differently and from such a new perspective because now we're seeing everything throught Vaysh's eyes.

And when Vaysh is confronted with Ash, his breakdown and all his anguished thoughts - heartbreaking. Part of me wants to grab Ashmael by the shoulders and say, "Can't you see it's still Vaysh?" Just my happy ending obsession there! Of course I realize your ending is much more realistic, within canon, how it has to be, and so achingly sad.

You've developed the relationship and eventual friendship forged between Pell and Vaysh in such a beautiful, touching and realistic way. Again your marriage of canon and your own vision is so perfect! If any two hara have a reason to feel connected, it's Pellaz and Vaysh, and I like how you've addressed that. Even though in that connection and their friendship, there has to be a lot of conflict there, both within themselves and with each other. You've woven that story line so intricately throughout the last few posts since Pell's arrival on the scene. Just beautiful!

Even though I feel so bad that Ash and Vaysh can't get back together, you leave us feeling hopeful for Vaysh. He and Pell have come to a friendship, Vaysh has his close friends, Firethorn, Jaffa and Yaz, too, who he'll get to see, and aruna with Velaxis is way more than a consolation prize!!

Reading both M&M and DtWW have just been such a joy, an adventure and sometimes a heart-wrenching experience, and I have loved every minute! Thank you so much.

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Thank you for being along on this story! I'm so glad that you've enjoyed this, and even that you were able to read the last few posts all together. It was very rough, finally writing Vaysh's confrontation with Ashmael, and that it really is over… but Vaysh moves on as well, and especially in these early days in Immanion, he and Pell do forge a friendship which we know lasts for decades. And then there are my OCs, who can support him as well! :)

I'm so pleased that you enjoyed reading both stories. I'm now at a bit of a loss, as I've been so driven to write these one after the other. ;) Thank you so much for your kind words, and for your support along the way.

[elfscribe5.livejournal.com]

Very satisfying epilogue. I like how much Vaysh has grown and healed since the beginning of this story. He seems to have obtained a balance here, healing himself as best he can through his love for his friends, through daring to talk to Ashmael, through aruna with Vel and his comforting, almost brotherly relationship with Pell. I liked the scene where he talks to Ash - although Ash's inability to give him anything other than a nod to his existence was annoying. (I was disappointed in him as a character not your portrayal.) I see Ash as more damaged at this point than Vaysh. I really understand the desire to write that third story that reconciles them. On the other hand,yes, sometimes this kind of permanent rift is the reality of life. Ash seems to be one of those individuals who in order to get over pain of that magnitude has to thoroughly kill those feelings in himself - to the extent that they are gone for good. But, this is different than a failed marriage and I imagine your Ash isn't beyond recovering his feelings. If you have a yen to write such a fic, I wouldn't let canon dissuade you, even though there were comments to that effect. Fanfic is fanfic. We can get rid of Phylax. (Heh heh. Just put out the contract on him, I'll take care of it.*g*)

In any case, I have so enjoyed these two stories. As the other reviewer said, they do fit seamlessly into canon and yet have given me a deeper understanding of the original and enhanced it greatly in the best tradition of fanfic. Thanks for writing them and giving me your wise and poetic vision.
Hugs!

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad you enjoyed the epilogue! I wanted to show that even 18 months or so on, he's getting used to things, including Ash, though Ash being who he is, he's really the one in an untenable situation; perhaps now is when he could've chosen to get mad at Thiede for not saying something, or instead, he'll just go off and go to war with the Varrs. :) Phylax is troubling me again; I was rereading key Ash/Seel moments in Wraiths and he invites Seel back to his place 'for a frolic' the night of Pell's coronation— which, for aruna-driven Wraeththu, I suppose isn't that big of a deal if one is chesna with someone else, but I still feel Phylax seems much more like a house-hara. Anyway. ;)

So very glad that having written this has brought me to you in particular! (((hugs))) That you feel the writing is of high caliber is also wonderful.

[camile-sinensis.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you wrote this epilogue - It gives Vaysh a bit of resolution, which he definitely needs, and its done in a way which suggests that a new beginning is possible for him now that he's confronted his past. I never know whether to be convinced about his relationship with Pell or not - yes, we know Pell is Super and Special and everyone just falls at his feet... I suppose that I can give Pell credit for something just this once!

The hugely awkward encounter with Ashmael is very realistic! *cringe* Ashmael's reaction isn't so much callous indifference as simply the inability to deal with what is, after all, a situation no-one would ever expect to find themselves in!

And Velaxis is awesome, but then, he always is! ;-) (obligatory Write More Velaxis comment goes here )

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

I did want at least a hint to show that Vaysh would have some peace, for him as much as for myself!! I'm not awed by Pell, but writing him at this early, early juncture of time, I felt he did help Vaysh out, and Vaysh helped him with Caeru's arrival. But that all changes over time. ;) I'm especially pleased you felt the interaction with Ashmael was cringe-worthy in its realism. He is in a very, very awkward position.

I owe my interpretation of Velaxis to your writing, m'dear! Though I can never write him as snarkily as you. ;)

[seference.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to say,thank you so much for writing these two fictions. The way you fleshed out Vaysh and Ashmael's story just broke my heart,and yet your beautiful words pieced it back together again.Such complexities of emotion so brilliantly portrayed. Love Vaysh even more than ever,not to mention Velaxis(seen him in a whole new light).
Please don't make us too long before giving us something else. Lots of hugs!

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for your kind words!! I'm pleased that my interpretation of their past and how they coped with their separation was meaningful to you. Vaysh is so very tragic, but I really felt he was a strong character, and it was my pleasure to elaborate on that. Thank you so much for reading. I'm barely taking a break, then it's more Wraeththu fic! Thanks again for your comments!

[veloona.livejournal.com]

*deep sigh*
I love the ending to this story! Of course I'd always wished for Vaysh and Ash to find to one another again somehow, but I also fancy tragic things...
And this is something in between, so I have to like it!!
At least they talk to each other, and although they'll probably never be together again they could be something like nearly-friends some time in the future... Who knows? There is this uncertainty left which makes me be somehow relieved and melancholy at the same time. A delicious effect *grins*!
It is sad and wistful but at the same time there is something like as if Vaysh has found some tiny little bit of peace with all of it. Not that he'd be happy ever after with the situation now, but in a strange way he seems even a little bit stronger than Ashmael.
I feel pity with Ash in a way, and yet I'd like to slap him in the face, too. At last I think he'd need some healing, but maybe he's actually really over it in his own weird way?
Anyway, this is really touching. Who doesn't know this strange feeling when you meet a once beloved person and it's all over now but you're still aware that this is the one you knew so very well in every sense and vice versa, and then you can hardly talk to each other, just as if you were strangers now...
For Vaysh it must be even worse as they hadn't parted hating each other or so. And still Ash reacts like this, no matter if it's a wee little bit understandable. *sigh*
Yet there is some hope left... Thanx for that :-) Now I'll be able to sleep again *lol*
I can't wait for you to write something new, with whatever characters you choose.
(((HUGS)))

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that you found the ending palatable! I did really struggle with whether or not to foresee in my own mind whether or not Vaysh and Ashmael would get together again, and off in the future, they really could. At this point, though, I wanted to show them in a very awkward, but at least not totally cold relationship, so I felt there was a sliver of hope for Vaysh. Ashmael it's kindof hard to say. ;) Yes, you should be able to sleep! Thank you so much for coming along with me on this story, for sharing your Vaysh!love and enthusiasm with me.

And oh yes, now I have *two* new Wraeththu fics going. Aiiiiie!!!

♥

[eden-parnass.livejournal.com]

Yesterday, I read this story the whole way through, back to back with Maelstrom and Mage, Desire Thine Darkling. I hope you don't mind me commenting here for both *smiles*. For once, I am so glad I didn't know of these stories as you were still writing, else I wouldn't have had the wonderful experience of reading them both as novellae, in their entirety! I love how you took a little bit of the canon, teased a whole story (or two) out of a few enigmatic sentences and grew it into something wonderful and individual - yet still true to its origins. I don't really know where to even start with expressing how blown away I was by your writing - I'm such a damned inarticulate critic *chuckles*.

Maelstrom and Mage was incrediblely imaginative and vivid - Vaysh wasn't a character I was never fond of or much interested in before, but now he will always live in my imagination as you interpreted him. You have a beautiful use of language, a lovely turn of phrasing, and the ability to "paint" a scene vividly. The erotic moments were sensual and powerful. Even though I knew Vaysh's death was coming, I had tears streaming down my face! I immediately embarked on Whispering Well, and once again, I was rivetted by the storytelling, the psychological insights and physical descriptions. Ash and Vaysh's confrontation was so painfully realistic, so vivid.

What I appreciated most was that you didn't give Ash and Vaysh an easy, happy ending. That must have been so very hard, to get so close to a character(s) and yet be able to stand back and give them a true conclusion, not the unfeasibly happy one we'd ideally wish for them. Because for all I've come to love these characters dearly, I couldn't have envisaged a neat and predictable Hollywood ending for them. How you left it - a kind of peace, a faint hope, enough to make it bittersweet rather than just bitter - was to my mine absolutely perfect *smiles* Kudos, and thank you for these wonderful stories - you are a very talented, skillful writer and I'm eager to read much, much more of your work! (no pressure, like.... *laughing*) Sorry for the ramble....

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

I'm still blushing from your very kind comments. Thank you very much for your exceedingly generous words; I'm gratified that you took the time to read these in their entirety back to back. I'll admit to being a fan of the rarepair and of teasing out long stories from short sentences and perhaps obscure comments in canon, and I'm quite pleased that these stories worked for you as they did. Interestingly, Vaysh hadn't jumped off the page for me during my first inhaling reading of the first trilogy, but then I started reading some fanfic and wondered how he'd passed me by... then I wanted to write his and Ashmael's history as I'm drawn to angst and how real life is so often bittersweet. So I'm pleased that you seem to have intuited how difficult it was for me not to allow them a happy ending, or even a hope for any kind of relationship other than acquaintances who used to know each other well in another world, literally. I'll admit that I sank into Vaysh's character with more emotional investment (or maybe he just called me there!) and I really struggled with wondering how he'd cope, but as I'd been writing, and tried to convey this from Ashmael's first perception of him in M + M, is that Vaysh is an incredibly strong character. He deals with untenable situation after another, and he doesn't break. He cracks and is remade, but he never succumbs to ultimate grief. That, to me, was what I wished ultimately to convey in these two stories. But also, I admit, once I got into it and my original characters had totally jumped off the page, then I'd had Grand Hopes™ of putting them in other stories. Perhaps I still shall.

Thank you again for your exceedingly flattering and gracious comments. I'm thrilled that my stories swept you away for a little while! I've written a couple of other, shorter, and guilt-free roon-tastic fics (Vaysh never got to enjoy his selected rooning moments in DtWW; it about killed me!) as I quite enjoy writing slash erotica. I'll probably write a few more focusing a bit more on character development, but the rooning is fun for me to write, too. :)