Saturday, my grandfather's passing, family, and inner settling

[thrihyrne]

Sorry for being so quiet; the transition to the new place has had some ups and downs, and then my grandfather died on Tuesday at age 95.

I've had to miss a few days of work and now I'm being very highly encouraged to go to the funeral, which will mean being gone Tuesday-Friday. In many ways I tend to put my work above other things to a degree that some find weird. My coworkers have echoed my mom's sentiment that I would feel really badly in the long run if I don't go. Obviously I need to ask off (my supervisor was out all of last week), and he could simply say it's out of the question. I think it would be good for me to go, so I will ask, and see what he says. I wouldn't go at the expense of my job; my grandfather wouldn't approve of that, I don't believe. I'm still intimidated by hour after hour in the car with my parents, even though we're getting on a bit better now that I'm out of the house and feel that I can be more honest. But there's something about being on a road trip with them, especially to family events (like this past summer when we drove to Ontario for my brother's wedding) that in the past, anyway, exacerbated feelings of me still being a teenager. I suspect this will all become a thing of the past once I can drive freely again on my own.

I've been staying here for a few days after Grandaddy died; guess I should have said he's my mother's father, and he lived here for quite a few months at the same time I did. I feel so grateful for those memories. Certainly it's not just anyone in their mid-to-late 30s who can see their then-94 year old grandfather every day.

I'm heading back to my new place this morning, and will most likely come back this afternoon for our 'proper' Thanksgiving time with other members of my family. My brother and his wife, and one stepsister and her husband who all live in NYC, came down on Thursday. I'm working on feeling more comfortable with them, too, but it doesn't come easily. Given my passions and somewhat hermetic nature, I don't often feel I have much to contribute to a conventional conversation. I don't read the paper; haven't watched TV in years; don't listen to the radio (except wolfiekinss' edgeradio), don't pay attention to politics, world events, or much of anything else, really. So when people discuss when people tend to, I just zone out and think about fic, because I don't care about what's going on in the world, and especially our current society. I do believe that I've become perhaps too isolationist in my own inner world; I do have a fairly pleasant personality, and once I get settled in, I plan to try and make a much more concerted effort to see people outside of just work on a more regular basis. I am quite literally limited in this logistically until March due to my restricted license, but I have no doubt that if I asked some friends to come see my in the fabulous farmhouse on 150 acres, they'd enjoy that. In fact, I'd probably hurt their feelings by not asking, even though in my own head I just see it as not bothering them. I think many of you on my flist are also like that in initial feelings about visiting people— we don't think we're being rude by going off and constantly doing our own thing, or being fairly hermit-like; we simply don't want to bother people and/or trouble them to see us. I did used to be more social. I had some very dear friends move away from me, and after that, I've preferred long-distance friendships because they/you are already not here. I've posted about that more than once, in my infinite amounts of navel-gazing.

I don't think I can ever stop that inclination, but I think that if I consciously (because it'll NEVER happen by accident) work at more balance, tempering my hours of writing with some long walks, maybe even with one of my roommates and not always solo, inviting some friends out for coffee or just some conversation and knitting time, that it will not at all be a bad thing.

And work is going to be nuts for this whole month, but I'll definitely be tempering that with enjoying reading fic. I didn't participate in merry smutmas this year, but I am at bestmates_xmas, and my lovely co-modded ginger_lust group will begin posting in January!! So exciting!

So much love to you all

Comments

[mrsquizzical.livejournal.com]

*hugs* for the passing of your grandfather. it's a beautiful thing that you were able to share that time with him.

and yay for balance. i suspect that finding balance is a life's work, rather than a thing you "do". it always needs tweaking. things change. we change. but the seeking of it is always good for the soul i think....

*more hugs*

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

i suspect that finding balance is a life's work, rather than a thing you "do". it always needs tweaking. things change. we change. but the seeking of it is always good for the soul i think....

:nods: Yes, that's it, exactly. It's not a constant, nor something truly to attain. But it is something I would like to strive for, and try not simply to have it as one other thing on my never-ending to-do list.

((((warm hugs))))

[abigail89.livejournal.com]

*hugs* You're very lucky to have been able to spend time with your grandfather. I feel the same way about my 91 year old grandmother.

Congrats on your new place. A farmhouse in the mountains. Nice! Of course, we share those mountains...

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

I was so glad to have that time. I'm thrilled that you understand and have had a similar experience.

Are we that close, geographically?? We must meet up, if so!! :smiles: Or perhaps you have your own mountains, and that is good, too.

[abigail89.livejournal.com]

I am well south of you in Asheville, NC, so technically yes, we do share the same mountains. I've driven past your exit on I-81 on the way to PA.

Oh, I would love to meet up sometime.

[eldritchhobbit.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry about your grandfather! You're in my thoughts. *hugs*

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I know that you know all too well about that, and you were much closer to your grandparents, throughout your entire life. Thank you for your thoughts and support.

[domerupert.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. *hugs*

Your new place sounds absolutely lovely ♥

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Thank you. At least he died peacefully.

The new place is lovely, though I do still need some time to fully settle in!! But it will happen. It's much better now that my brother and sister-in-law helped move many of my things back down into a much larger room than my bedroom so I can actually have space to plan how to fit my things in. Also thankfully, one of my roommates loves to organize, and help others!!! :D

[cim-halfling.livejournal.com]

Sorry about your grandfather, I remember you posting about him and I know this will be hard for you. *hugs*

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Thank you, my dear. It's been harder for my mother, of course, but she's been coping so very, very well. Probably far better than I'll do when it comes time for me to deal with things like that. She's quite amazing.

(((hugs)))

[lena3.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your grandfather.

You don't have to ask me to visit, cause as you know, I just invite myself!

I have only one more scene for my ginger_lust then I'm done. I hope you'll like it.

Take care of yourself. *hugs*

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

I really do want to see you!!! I'm going to write or call you or both before this weekend is over; I've been missing you a lot. :(

I'll love your fic I'm sure! I think I only have one or two scenes left for my ginger_lust fic as well. I've become newly enthused about it, which is a good thing. :P

Love you. (((hugs)))

[maple-mahogany.livejournal.com]

Maybe you'll have a better tolerance for the car ride with your parents knowing that its just a brief visit and not you living arrangement? I hope so.

I am sorry about your grandfather. It's 'nice' when people get to live such long lives, but it's all the more melancholy to imagine their life and what they've seen during their time. I have a 90 year old grandmother that is not doing well and I've been pondering her life quite a lot lately. *wistful sigh*

*big hugs*

[txdville.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your grandfather. I was fortunately enough to have mine until my mid-30's as well.

[verdenia.livejournal.com]

re: isolationism--
I avoid a lot of news, but I keep up a little, maybe once a week or month, just to see what is going on in the world.

Yes, invite people! Have knitting circles! Take walks with the roomies!

It is amazing what a walk can do for conversation--I think that having eyes on the scenery, rather than each other, lends a sense of privacy, of being not fully exposed or vulnerable, which is really nice for comfort. ;p

Condolences on the GrandDaddy. I'm rather oddly lucky in that my g'parents are all long since mourned for. ;p

♥