thrihyrne

Sorry for being so quiet; the transition to the new place has had some ups and downs, and then my grandfather died on Tuesday at age 95.

I've had to miss a few days of work and now I'm being very highly encouraged to go to the funeral, which will mean being gone Tuesday-Friday. In many ways I tend to put my work above other things to a degree that some find weird. My coworkers have echoed my mom's sentiment that I would feel really badly in the long run if I don't go. Obviously I need to ask off (my supervisor was out all of last week), and he could simply say it's out of the question. I think it would be good for me to go, so I will ask, and see what he says. I wouldn't go at the expense of my job; my grandfather wouldn't approve of that, I don't believe. I'm still intimidated by hour after hour in the car with my parents, even though we're getting on a bit better now that I'm out of the house and feel that I can be more honest. But there's something about being on a road trip with them, especially to family events (like this past summer when we drove to Ontario for my brother's wedding) that in the past, anyway, exacerbated feelings of me still being a teenager. I suspect this will all become a thing of the past once I can drive freely again on my own.

I've been staying here for a few days after Grandaddy died; guess I should have said he's my mother's father, and he lived here for quite a few months at the same time I did. I feel so grateful for those memories. Certainly it's not just anyone in their mid-to-late 30s who can see their then-94 year old grandfather every day.

I'm heading back to my new place this morning, and will most likely come back this afternoon for our 'proper' Thanksgiving time with other members of my family. My brother and his wife, and one stepsister and her husband who all live in NYC, came down on Thursday. I'm working on feeling more comfortable with them, too, but it doesn't come easily. Given my passions and somewhat hermetic nature, I don't often feel I have much to contribute to a conventional conversation. I don't read the paper; haven't watched TV in years; don't listen to the radio (except

wolfiekinss'

edgeradio), don't pay attention to politics, world events, or much of anything else, really. So when people discuss when people tend to, I just zone out and think about fic, because I don't care about what's going on in the world, and especially our current society. I do believe that I've become perhaps too isolationist in my own inner world; I do have a fairly pleasant personality, and once I get settled in, I plan to try and make a much more concerted effort to see people outside of just work on a more regular basis. I am quite literally limited in this logistically until March due to my restricted license, but I have no doubt that if I asked some friends to come see my in the fabulous farmhouse on 150 acres, they'd enjoy that. In fact, I'd probably hurt their feelings by not asking, even though in my own head I just see it as not bothering them. I think many of you on my flist are also like that in initial feelings about visiting people— we don't think we're being rude by going off and constantly doing our own thing, or being fairly hermit-like; we simply don't want to bother people and/or trouble them to see us. I did used to be more social. I had some very dear friends move away from me, and after that, I've preferred long-distance friendships because they/you are already not here. I've posted about that more than once, in my infinite amounts of navel-gazing.

I don't think I can ever stop that inclination, but I think that if I consciously (because it'll NEVER happen by accident) work at more balance, tempering my hours of writing with some long walks, maybe even with one of my roommates and not always solo, inviting some friends out for coffee or just some conversation and knitting time, that it will not at all be a bad thing.

And work is going to be nuts for this whole month, but I'll definitely be tempering that with enjoying reading fic. I didn't participate in merry smutmas this year, but I am at

bestmates_xmas, and my lovely co-modded

ginger_lust group will begin posting in January!! So exciting!

So much love to you all