For mothers who mourn

[thrihyrne]

There are some people for whom Mother's Day is especially painful, and it's those people who came to mind to me this morning. I was a stepparent for eight years to two children whom I grew to love dearly and who, frankly, were the remaining glue towards the end of my marriage. When our divorce proceedings started and I moved away, I was prohibited to communicate with them. This didn't stop me from trying, but it remained one-sided. I have stepparents myself and certainly in my stepfather's case, have a far better relationship with him than my own biological father.

Anyway. If you felt the desire, I'd ask for your thoughts for:

~ women who are estranged from their children, biological and otherwise
~ women who for societal or financial reasons were forced to surrender their children for adoption and have no idea of their whereabouts or even whether or not they are still alive
~ women who have miscarried
~ women who, due to culture or religion, are mothers against their will

I have a deep affection for some women I have known who fit into these categories. For those who were forced to give up children or have lost them before the end of a pregnancy, there can be shame and a sense of secret-keeping which, combined with the anger and mourning, is a pretty potent stew of grief. Being quiet about it on Mother's Day is also quite often a part of the territory, so for those who may be suffering in silence, my thoughts are with you.

Not to lighten this unnecessarily, because this is meant to be a serious post, but a few years ago in my more Tolkien-centric days I wrote a somewhat tongue-in-cheek poem about the lack of mothers in Middle-Earth. That JRRT lost his mother early in life had all manner of lingering effects on him, I have no doubt. This, perhaps unexpectedly, manifests itself (I believe) in The Lord of the Rings and his many other ancillary tomes. Back then I was discussing the Ardaverse with a friend over lunch and she put down her fork and looked at me and said, "Where are all of the mothers?"



In halls of Mandos
In unmarked graves
In poems of loss
In hidden caves

Éomer and Éowyn with flaxen hair
Must go to the earth and find mum there

In the fair Shire laments Frodo
Without mother's lullaby to sleep he must go

King Elessar thinks, You would be so proud!
But his mother, long-dead, is nowhere to be found

Gimli the gruff with kind heart of gold
Of his mother's beard no tale has been told

Exquisite Legolas, woe is he
Whoever bore him languishes in obscurity

Arwen's sorrows with daddy must be
Since Celebrían forsook her and went Over Sea

O Boromir! O Faramir! You strapping fine men
Though emotionally scarred by your mother's untimely end?

Because of mothers there is here such a dearth
This is a lament for Third Age Middle-earth.


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Comments

[mrsquizzical.livejournal.com]

that's a beautiful post.