For mothers who mourn
May. 13th, 2007 09:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thrihyrneThere are some people for whom Mother's Day is especially painful, and it's those people who came to mind to me this morning. I was a stepparent for eight years to two children whom I grew to love dearly and who, frankly, were the remaining glue towards the end of my marriage. When our divorce proceedings started and I moved away, I was prohibited to communicate with them. This didn't stop me from trying, but it remained one-sided. I have stepparents myself and certainly in my stepfather's case, have a far better relationship with him than my own biological father.
Anyway. If you felt the desire, I'd ask for your thoughts for:
~ women who are estranged from their children, biological and otherwise
~ women who for societal or financial reasons were forced to surrender their children for adoption and have no idea of their whereabouts or even whether or not they are still alive
~ women who have miscarried
~ women who, due to culture or religion, are mothers against their will
I have a deep affection for some women I have known who fit into these categories. For those who were forced to give up children or have lost them before the end of a pregnancy, there can be shame and a sense of secret-keeping which, combined with the anger and mourning, is a pretty potent stew of grief. Being quiet about it on Mother's Day is also quite often a part of the territory, so for those who may be suffering in silence, my thoughts are with you.
Not to lighten this unnecessarily, because this is meant to be a serious post, but a few years ago in my more Tolkien-centric days I wrote a somewhat tongue-in-cheek poem about the lack of mothers in Middle-Earth. That JRRT lost his mother early in life had all manner of lingering effects on him, I have no doubt. This, perhaps unexpectedly, manifests itself (I believe) in The Lord of the Rings and his many other ancillary tomes. Back then I was discussing the Ardaverse with a friend over lunch and she put down her fork and looked at me and said, "Where are all of the mothers?"
In halls of Mandos
In unmarked graves
In poems of loss
In hidden caves
Éomer and Éowyn with flaxen hair
Must go to the earth and find mum there
In the fair Shire laments Frodo
Without mother's lullaby to sleep he must go
King Elessar thinks, You would be so proud!
But his mother, long-dead, is nowhere to be found
Gimli the gruff with kind heart of gold
Of his mother's beard no tale has been told
Exquisite Legolas, woe is he
Whoever bore him languishes in obscurity
Arwen's sorrows with daddy must be
Since CelebrÃan forsook her and went Over Sea
O Boromir! O Faramir! You strapping fine men
Though emotionally scarred by your mother's untimely end?
Because of mothers there is here such a dearth
This is a lament for Third Age Middle-earth.
Due to the personal nature of this post, any comments will be screened.
Anyway. If you felt the desire, I'd ask for your thoughts for:
~ women who are estranged from their children, biological and otherwise
~ women who for societal or financial reasons were forced to surrender their children for adoption and have no idea of their whereabouts or even whether or not they are still alive
~ women who have miscarried
~ women who, due to culture or religion, are mothers against their will
I have a deep affection for some women I have known who fit into these categories. For those who were forced to give up children or have lost them before the end of a pregnancy, there can be shame and a sense of secret-keeping which, combined with the anger and mourning, is a pretty potent stew of grief. Being quiet about it on Mother's Day is also quite often a part of the territory, so for those who may be suffering in silence, my thoughts are with you.
Not to lighten this unnecessarily, because this is meant to be a serious post, but a few years ago in my more Tolkien-centric days I wrote a somewhat tongue-in-cheek poem about the lack of mothers in Middle-Earth. That JRRT lost his mother early in life had all manner of lingering effects on him, I have no doubt. This, perhaps unexpectedly, manifests itself (I believe) in The Lord of the Rings and his many other ancillary tomes. Back then I was discussing the Ardaverse with a friend over lunch and she put down her fork and looked at me and said, "Where are all of the mothers?"
In halls of Mandos
In unmarked graves
In poems of loss
In hidden caves
Éomer and Éowyn with flaxen hair
Must go to the earth and find mum there
In the fair Shire laments Frodo
Without mother's lullaby to sleep he must go
King Elessar thinks, You would be so proud!
But his mother, long-dead, is nowhere to be found
Gimli the gruff with kind heart of gold
Of his mother's beard no tale has been told
Exquisite Legolas, woe is he
Whoever bore him languishes in obscurity
Arwen's sorrows with daddy must be
Since CelebrÃan forsook her and went Over Sea
O Boromir! O Faramir! You strapping fine men
Though emotionally scarred by your mother's untimely end?
Because of mothers there is here such a dearth
This is a lament for Third Age Middle-earth.
Due to the personal nature of this post, any comments will be screened.
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-13 02:52 pm (UTC)Beautiful!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-13 03:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-13 03:38 pm (UTC)Loved the poem! *hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-13 09:40 pm (UTC)I'm sending love your way, on this day and all others.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-13 11:21 pm (UTC)I heard--we weren't at home today to confirm the rumor--that our parish today was going to give all the women pins today, I believe because of the kinds of pain you've mentioned.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-14 05:53 am (UTC)But, I find the fact that society thinks that you can shut off feelings, emotions, and LOVE for a child that isn't technically *yours* is cruel.
Just because someone didn't *have* the child doesn't mean our love doesn't count. And that these children can be ripped from our lives based on the fact that we are *only* stepmothers, aunts, grandmothers, or just people who care is the worst thing that has happened to me and it sounds like it has left a hole in your heart as well.
This is another holiday that is not on my top ten. :/
(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-14 04:45 pm (UTC)Gorgeous wordcraft...totally brilliant!
***hugs***
(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-15 03:06 am (UTC)Blessings, Lauren
(no subject)
Date: 2007-05-28 03:06 am (UTC)and I do spare thoughts for them all.
A friend of mine had a stillborn at seven months last year, and it has been a hell of a time for her, slowly emerging from her cocoon. All because of an accident with the umbilical cord.
So sad.
Sorrow, too, for you and other women who have been prohibited from seeing children that they love.
& all the other categories you mentioned, too... *hugs*