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thrihyrneYesterday in a conversation with my husband, he mentioned that Spalding Gray, the guy who performs monologues (I saw “Swimming to Cambodia,” anyway) had been missing for a week, and was presumed dead, probably suicide. He had had 3 attempts in the two years prior, so apparently he succeeded this time. Even as he told me this, I asked about his assistant who does special events, and he said that she was at the funeral of someone she had known pretty well who did special events at the medical school at Vanderbilt, and had committed suicide days ago. She was in her early 50’s. An hour later, I found out that one of my favorite people I work with at TPAC who coordinated just about everything to do with our operas and making sure things ran smoothly had been found dead at his home, presumably suicide.
It’s been a big two years for me and suicide- it is no longer the incomprehensible act that it is (thankfully!) for most people, in that one of my best friends committed suicide on her 32nd birthday, May 24th 2002. In that same spring, a fellow chorister at the church where I was singing committed suicide and I sang at his funeral, then someone very active on the TORn boards (where I frequented every spare moment I had at the time) did the same, rocking the foundations for many people who knew and adored her. Not only that, but my sister-in-law was seeing a man for many years and his eldest son (in his 30s, I believe) committed suicide, and I remembered how she took it, which was pretty hard. I have borrowed a couple of books from her after Rosie’s death, but they were pretty skewed toward family members, and perhaps weren’t as helpful as they could have been. I did see a therapist last fall, though my friend’s death was not the original impetus for going to see someone.
Having spoken with my dad and stepmom about Rosie over Christmas, as well as many other people over time, the topic no longer has the kind of dreadful timbre that it does with those who haven’t been touched by it- though I have worked through many levels of emotions after Rosie did what she did, I have found at times that I have defended her, and defended her choice, even though it left so many of us bereft, ruined her family, and will probably become the defining factor in the lives of her young daughters (now 5 and 7) as well as my own life. Why? Because, ultimately, it comes down to regaining a sense of control, I think. I have probably spent way too much time thinking about why Rosie did what she did (jumped off the top of a carpark, should you be curious), but the horror of such an act no longer affects me as it did not quite two years ago.
Sorry for the odd post- but it was weighing on my mind. That’s what a LiveJournal is for, anyway, right? Expressing oneself?
On a completely different topic- it’s my birthday! I’m one year past tween-hood in hobbitish terms. More posting on that soon.
It’s been a big two years for me and suicide- it is no longer the incomprehensible act that it is (thankfully!) for most people, in that one of my best friends committed suicide on her 32nd birthday, May 24th 2002. In that same spring, a fellow chorister at the church where I was singing committed suicide and I sang at his funeral, then someone very active on the TORn boards (where I frequented every spare moment I had at the time) did the same, rocking the foundations for many people who knew and adored her. Not only that, but my sister-in-law was seeing a man for many years and his eldest son (in his 30s, I believe) committed suicide, and I remembered how she took it, which was pretty hard. I have borrowed a couple of books from her after Rosie’s death, but they were pretty skewed toward family members, and perhaps weren’t as helpful as they could have been. I did see a therapist last fall, though my friend’s death was not the original impetus for going to see someone.
Having spoken with my dad and stepmom about Rosie over Christmas, as well as many other people over time, the topic no longer has the kind of dreadful timbre that it does with those who haven’t been touched by it- though I have worked through many levels of emotions after Rosie did what she did, I have found at times that I have defended her, and defended her choice, even though it left so many of us bereft, ruined her family, and will probably become the defining factor in the lives of her young daughters (now 5 and 7) as well as my own life. Why? Because, ultimately, it comes down to regaining a sense of control, I think. I have probably spent way too much time thinking about why Rosie did what she did (jumped off the top of a carpark, should you be curious), but the horror of such an act no longer affects me as it did not quite two years ago.
Sorry for the odd post- but it was weighing on my mind. That’s what a LiveJournal is for, anyway, right? Expressing oneself?
On a completely different topic- it’s my birthday! I’m one year past tween-hood in hobbitish terms. More posting on that soon.
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-15 08:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-15 09:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-15 08:19 am (UTC)xx
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-15 09:00 am (UTC)*raises virtual glass*
"To Capricorns!" :)
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Date: 2004-01-15 09:42 am (UTC)Hope you have a lovely day.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-15 11:33 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-01-16 06:36 am (UTC)I know. *shrugs* My life seems to be riddled with such odd juxtapositions. But many thanks for the birthday wishes, fellow Capricorn!! :D