Sense of self challenges

[thrihyrne]

So of late I've been really struggling with how to define myself. In the past it was easy. I was a writer. End of story. But now I don't know how to define who and what I am. I'm not defined by my recovery journey, I'm not defined by my work, I'm not defined as a writer since I haven't written anything in about a year-and-a-half… I don't have a tribe and I'm finding it very difficult to make one. I'm Evan's partner, but that doesn't seem like a full definition of who I am. I suppose right now I'm just Kristi, on a path — putting one foot in front of the other, trying to retain my integrity, and make choices that I can be proud of both now and down the road.

Comments

[febobe]

**hugs snugs loves**

I struggled a lot w/this post-work. Writer is where I finally "lit." But YMMV. Everyone's sense of self is different; everyone has to find her own path, and we're like snowflakes...no two of us identical. <3

Love you, praying for you, HUGS. <3

[thrihyrne]

(((hugs))) back atcha! I realize that this feeling certainly isn't terrible on any scale, but I also recognize that feeling that I'm 'unmoored' and kind of treading water has been a place where I've wanted to drink to push away that general discomfort. I'll see how the feelings change since that option is off the table.

[febobe]

I think it's wise to recognize where these kinds of feelings have triggered behavior which took you places you didn't like going in the past, and be proactive...in other words, I recommend trying to find some activities which make you feel really at home and at peace in your own skin, and relying on those when you'd normally reach for a glass or a bottle. :) I understand a wee bit, b/c certain types of feelings tend to nudge me into suicidal thoughts, which can be something of an addictive experience, in some weird way. It's like once your brain thinks that's an option, it starts to think it's the ONLY or BEST option. I suspect something similar might be at work with your drinking, and I know I struggle with it in eating. I'm so proud of you for continuing to work on this. <3

*hugs snugs loves*

[eccequambonum]

One of the greatest challenges we can give ourselves is to be uncomfortable and learn to accept that in ourselves -- it is a measure of our courage and strength. This is something my new grief counselor has really worked on with me, guiding me to a lot of Brené Brown videos. Check these four thoughts out: https://experienceispa.com/blog/item/4-thought-provoking-questions-by-brene-brown

Without a job right now, I don't have a definition either. It's a terror when someone asks me, "What do you do?" I exist. I am me, imperfect, shattered, never properly healed, and trying to accept that in myself. But I've started saying that, "I exist." Sometimes given what we've been through to get here, that in itself is the greatest achievement. ::hugs::

[thrihyrne]

Thank you so much for sharing your insights and the link to the Brené Brown. I've found everything of hers that I've come across to be very thought provoking. That whole element of discomfort and sitting in it is something I will definitely be learning to do in the days and weeks to come. ((hugs)) back to you!! Sending you love and light and strength in regards to all of the stress and heart aching situations going on for you in your world.