Threnody to my college years

[thrihyrne]

As an aside, I'm now at home and on the Mac and my lovely twinses pic isn't even here. I'm about to give up on LJ. I'm just going to go back to my lovely dark olive/mauve set up. Sheesh.


I’ve been surfing a wave of nostalgia after having a somewhat erotic dream about George Weasley (o_O) last night. Not because of that, but because of a plotline in my twinfic story which muses on what it’s like to really be attracted to someone, only to be let down when you actually kiss said person and realize that you have no chemistry together, as much as you absolutely adore/are smitten by him.

So I had put a tape on in my car by a band that played my freshman year (4 seniors) and the lead singer had had a crush on me, and I on him, but circumstances being what they are, we only had a heart-to-heart talk in a boat on a lake, and I sat in his lap at a formal held by his fraternity, and I asked him back to be my date my senior year after he’d spent 3 years in Atlanta being a grownup. (he was not who I based that plotline on; but that’s fodder for another self-indulgent LJ post)

A few months ago I was going through some of my college pictures and shocked vaklam with one of the two of us from a formal, then I scanned one of Jim and me (NOT vaklam, not that he wasn't scan-worthy, of course, but that's not who I'm writing about) and sent it to him. He replied, “Why didn’t I kiss you that night?”

I about chewed off my own tongue, even at age 33, because he’s still as hot as all get out, though (of course) happily married and has three children. Because don’t we all wonder, “Why?” and “What if?” I’m astounded that I haven’t written more AUs, since the concept fascinates me. We’ll never know. That’s the whole point. Probably why I’ve watched “A Brief History of Time” several times as well.

Me <----dork

So, some stream-of-consciousness from listening to the tape he and his band made back from 1989-1994 (I think) - the phrase that struck me on the way home this evening was at the end of it, which only fits for those of us in the northern hemisphere, but if you ever feel that ache in your heart at the end of summer when you *aren’t* going back to college, this will resonate:

“There’s something strange about August-
It’s like falling in love again;
And when we say goodbye,
We never mean it.”

It’s taken me back to the late 80’s, to a place where I walked around at 3 a.m. and would position myself spread-eagled on my back on the tiled outdoors between Guerry (where I had been a nude model for some art classes my sophomore year) and Walsh-Ellett (where I took Poli/Sci and Religion) and stared at the stars, for at that time there were no buildings at Sewanee above two stories and no street lights and the stars absolutely rained on you in intensity because of it; and I fell for several lovely young men (mostly tenors and baritones), though the ones with whom I’m most in contact now actually weren’t in choir. And we stayed up until all hours, and talked philosophy and music and gossip and bad puns and I snuck peeks at the Playboy magazine one of said boyfriends’ fraternity brothers subscribed to (and I was so cool in the group because I looked at it wasn’t judgmental) and wandered (though, as we know, Not All Who Wander Are Lost), and sang and I fell in love with both of my roommates’ hair but it was Lauren who would let me comb it out…

… and there was the soothing sound of cicadas since my dorm wasn’t air conditioned the first two years, and there were gorgeous boys in coat and tie and academic gowns - and shorts, sometimes - and women with integrity and talent and I adored so many people and was nestled unexpectedly in cradles of sheltering sandstone and views from Morgan’s Steep and I learned to drink cheap beer and to fiercely adore our dress code and relative isolation (only 1100 of us back then) and art and music and theater and financial aid workstudy and shagging with young men who could dance, though few out-danced yours truly. (that’s Shagging, the dance, not the British term, with which I am now very familiar, LOL! Didn’t do much of that in college.) And bearing one’s heart and soul in the wee hours and still getting up to go sing in that glorious stone chapel and egads, how much potential I had back then, and though I may have fallen far short of the mark, I have made it to some summits in the years following as well.

I am no romantic, though I’m newly inspired to write my Eowyn/Aragorn story. I am an incorrigible sentimentalist, and when I go back to Sewanee now, it is far less rustic, less naïve; there are more lights, people lock their cars, and I am one of those older and dreaded alumni who show up on occasion.

But I will enjoy my beers at Shenanigans, and walk back to the dorm where I’ll stay for Alumni Council, and indulge myself by staying up until all hours, and walk to my favorite place on campus, and lie, spread-eagled on my back, on cracking tile, and gaze again in wonder at the stars, and marvel at my own foresight at age 17 at picking a place to study for four years.

Comments

[fungus-files.livejournal.com]

what a great post - loved reading it. I don't think I've ever had such level of detail and nuance about your college yrs. you always had some guy or other hanging on your every word :P

re yr prev post on That Dream - mm-mmmmm! that sound very ok. and there's nothin' like directin' the action if you get the chance. not as lusciously spontaneous or suprising but still highly recommended...

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

what a great post - loved reading it. I don't think I've ever had such level of detail and nuance about your college yrs. you always had some guy or other hanging on your every word :P

To part one: I'm surprised to hear you say that, as I distinctly remember lying down on my stomach on the grass in Guerry Garth writing you a 4-page, front and back letter about some trauma. Probably boy-centered. :P

And part two, well, that's most likely a grave overstatement. I only dated 3 guys while I was in school, two 2-year boyfriends but I went off to Sewanee with a boyfriend from high school. Well, sortof. Water under the bridge. I'm so glad that you enjoyed the post- very stream-of-consciousness, but music does that, y'know? It can put you right back to a particular time in your life, both psychologically and emotionally. Sewanee was the perfect place for me to be at that time in my life, and I'm so glad that I went.

re yr prev post on That Dream - mm-mmmmm! that sound very ok. and there's nothin' like directin' the action if you get the chance. not as lusciously spontaneous or suprising but still highly recommended...

Mmmmmm... yes. And I need to comment to your most recent post- I'm at the office over a holiday weekend (just went and gave blood. Yay!! I passed the iron test again! I'm at 5 1/2 gallons now) because I can't check my *explative* email at home anymore. I can log in, and see the messages, but I can't actually read them. It's so abysmally frustrating. Yeah. I was a bit surprised to be kissing our friend George in my dream, but it was great. Usually my dreams are far more mundane or just odd, like that one of the "Death Carnival" that I had a few weeks ago. As long as I don't have a dream where Snape shows up. ;)

I pre-bought a child's and adult ticket for the new Harry Potter which comes out here next Friday. I'm going to take Sam next Saturday at 4:20. The next question is: do I go in Hogwarts regalia?? I'm convinced that I would be in Slytherin were a sorting hat put on my head. I'm not very brave, though steadfastly loyal, but I do try to look out for myself. Truth be told, I'd probably be a Hufflepuff. Hard to say, since JKR doesn't embellish the characters in the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw houses very often.

Blah blah... I'll just write you another letter. :D