Effloresce and deliquesce

[thrihyrne]

It was stupid of me to have stayed up until 1 o’clock reading fanfiction last night. I know this, on every level. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just trying to push myself to see how long I can continue to drive myself on not enough sleep, berate myself when not writing, but then not allow myself to look at what I’ve accomplished and take pride from it, go to work hating my job but not pursuing other options, blah blah.

I think part of what’s going on with the conflicting feelings of mania and ennui is the time of year and weather- I’ve never enjoyed spring-into-summer, and now it’s getting hot again and I have to put on sunscreen before leaving the house and/or office every day. We’re also coming up on my friend’s birthday the 24th and, consequently, the two year anniversary of her suicide. I posted Sunday night about stumbling across a novel she had written back in 1995, but after looking at the post again Monday morning, it looked terribly self-indulgent and I deleted it. Regardless, I’m now reading her story and it’s good. Her characters are believable, dialogue is right on, and it fills me with so much regret because while she mailed it to me from Australia back in 1996, until now I had never read it. It is only now that I find myself obsessing about my writing, and sentence structure, and consistency in characters; only now, two years too late, do I understand how much she must have trusted me to send something like that. And dammit, not only did I never give her any feedback (knowing now how much that means to any author makes me want to curl up in a corner and mourn for a few weeks) but now I can’t comment on it to her.

Things on the plus side:

~Doctor’s appointment today- good ‘ol annual exam, pap smear, etc. But it’s not until ten, so I get to stay home until probably 9:20 and work on the twinfic. I still find myself going to the back of OotP looking for the blasted Appendix which, of course, isn’t there. Off to the hp-lexicon I go.

~Today is my mother’s 60th birthday! The amazing woman has taken a new job as Chair of the Biology department at James Madison University and is moving back to Virginia this summer. I suspect when I’m up there visiting I will find a lot of my stuff up in their attic, including a slew of diaries and journals which I’d sent up there to keep me from rereading them. I guess at this point I’ll have to ship them home since I’m flying. Which already makes me nervous.

~I heard from my college roommate, who is now a successful artist in Charleston. I’ve given serious thought to buying one of her paintings, though at almost $3K, is no small investment. She said I could pay over time if I was serious. I sure don’t have that kind of money sitting around, though I am saving up for perhaps taking time off of work and/or solo travel. In the meantime, I bought some of her notecards. Honor Mark's website[and licia_north, doesn't she have a great name? It's like something out of a story!] What made my heart race was on the announcement postcard she sent about being one of the artists at Spoleto this summer; on the postcard she wrote “am enjoying your fan-fiction site.” *mouth drops* Quite honestly, I figure that nobody outside of fandom (save my very indulgent father and stepmom) reads my stuff, with exception of a few friends. [looks gratefully at fungus_files]

The kids get out of school for the summer on Thursday, a half day. Sam wants me to take him to go see the Van Helsing film (or however you spell it). He saw it with a friend over the weekend and when I picked him up from school yesterday he said that he wants to go see it again, with me this time. “I think you’ll like it more than Return of the King,” he said, confidently. “I probably will,” I agreed. Oooooh! And the new Harry Potter movie is coming out soonish. I just feel all pervy going so ga-ga over Rupert Grint and his longer hair. If he were 16, that’d be one thing; I remember well being 16. Fifteen not so much. I shouldn’t have a crush on a 15 year old. If only they’d post more pictures of the Phelps brothers.

Me <---hopeless

p.s. a bonus virtual cookie to anybody who can name the band and album where the subject heading for this entry came from. ;)

Comments

[helveticat.livejournal.com]

That is a very cool name. And even cooler that you would think to point it out to moi. :-D

What's scary is that I know of her work already. And I adore it. One of my now-somewhat-famous painting friends in college (Brandy Geschman--spelling?) introduced me to her work. How's that for cosmic forces?

Happy birthday MOM! *indirect, polite hugs and kisses*

Gah. I feel like I could write a whole entry just to comment on your entry. Every time you post, I feel like there's so much I wanna talk about with you. Like your kids and your fanfiction and--everything. Bloody everything. But I'm in sort of a hurry. I'll just have to write you a letter, okay? And I'll make it like Mad-Libs so all you have to do is fill in the blanks. ;-)

PS: The Chills' album Submarine Bells. *dances*

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

*DINGDINGDING*

You get the virtual cookie, sweetheart!!

And I can't believe that you already know Honor's art. How amazing is that??! We were roommates our first two years at Sewanee, and in the same sorority though we didn't really have many of the same "hang out with" friends. I'm thrilled that you already know her work. She is quite the talent, eh?

I meant to write back to you and say how excited I was that my couple of word drops about the post I *didn't* make have inspired you to write poetry. That makes me happy.

((((hugs)))) back to you

[cim-halfling.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for your post and your kind words. I will be thinking of you on the 24th. fondly, cim

Re: ((((hugs)))) back to you

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the hugs! And I'm so sorry about your cat- I had managed to post my entry without even acknowledging that part before. I appreciate your kindness. :)

Re: ((((hugs)))) back to you

[cim-halfling.livejournal.com]

YOU are the best! Thanks very much. See my Duke, doesn't he remind you of your Gimli??