Bad writing, with an accompanying dramatic reading!

[thrihyrne]

I found this via fungus_files, and here's her commentary:
An example of terminally tedious exposition wherein a woman is over-described and there's a character named Spikenard...

I must admit to not making it through the whole two pages (yes, all two pages...you try to get through them. I dare ya). I have a low threshold for solid chunks of descriptive prose at the best of times, and this sent me over the edge.

OMG. Just… there are no words. It actually reminds me of a poem we studied in French that was kind of like this, though actually poetic, of a man describing his lover, and for some reason I held onto that poem for a long time. But my high school French was also a long time ago. Anyway, these two pages of trainwreck-quality, absolutely packed with unique to the point of WTF-ery descriptors inspired two different people to record it as dramatic readings. The best, though, is then an accompanying video, which uses one of the dramatic readings as its base.

Go here to watch this purple prose disaster unfold. To spare your monitor (if you managed to survive reading the two pages in the first place), please don't watch this while drinking anything. I don't have an appropriate icon for this, so I'm using a Battlestar Galactica weed one; maybe the author was partaking when writing this. :P

Comments

[heartofoshun.livejournal.com]

I saw that earlier (last week)! Yes. That video was begging to be made.

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

The video is something else.

[sexyscholar.livejournal.com]

DON'T YOU BLAME WEED FOR THIS. :P

The lady with the geese-like, python schooner thighs. Unfortunately, I remember this well.

I posted about this bit of wtfuckery a little while back, but I swear - it doesn't get any easier to read. ARRGH.

If I EVER start writing like this, please take away my children and just shoot me. OMG.

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

DON'T YOU BLAME WEED FOR THIS. :P

Okay!! I managed to miss this the first time around, apparently. And honey, you'd never write like that. And even if you did, you'd send it to me to edit, and I'd ask you what you were smoking. ;)

[cim-halfling.livejournal.com]

I simply don't know what to think. What exactly is the fragrance of a gibbeous moon? And if the cloak was transparent, why did she have to slip it off?

I saw this over at fungus-files (I might have even commented) and I wasn't able to read much either time.

Must go wash eyeballs now.

*HUGS*

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

It's pretty unbelievable. And long. And… beyond obtuse and obscure to just plain "What the hell?"

[camile-sinensis.livejournal.com]

LOL, I've seen that in a few other places too - It must be a joke, I simply refuse to believe that anyone would write something that awful in all seriousness!

Also, my brain persists in reading Spikenard and Spike'n'ard ;)

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

It seems not to be a joke, but, wow.

Y'know, I think I read that character as Spike'n'ard too!!!

[jaiden-s.livejournal.com]

"Her pubes were a field of wheat after the harvest."

Awesome.

I've read some dreadful LOTR fanfic that had some horribly florid language, but it pales in comparison to that dretch. UGH.

[jaiden-s.livejournal.com]

OOPS. He wrote "her pubes WAS a field of wheat after the harvest." Bad writing and bad grammar! Woo!

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

I know. It's just awful, and goes on and on and on…

[dreambastion.livejournal.com]

You're right, there are just no words for it.

So very bad...

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Indeed. It makes one want to be absolutely mute! The video was quite amusing in pointing out just how over that top it is. Yowza.

[elfscribe5.livejournal.com]

Yes, we spent some time guffawing over that at the Lizards. I also simply couldn't get through the entire thing. The best or worst part of it was the poster's commentary about what happens next and it is "and then he raped her." Good lord after standing around drooling in pathetic similes and metaphors after this goddess, all Spikenard can do is RAPE her?!! Yes, please promise me if you ever catch me writing like this you will set me right.
Hugs.

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

You'd never write anything like this, I promise.

(((hugs)))

Miss you! Maybe we can chat sometime in the next week?

[elfscribe5.livejournal.com]

I'd love a chat sometime soon. I should be around this weekend and most evenings this next week. Tuesday is oldest daughter's birthday, though, so we may be taking her out.

[brumeux77.livejournal.com]

*slits throat*

*boils eyeballs*

*shoots brains out*

*places blown-out brains in industrial strength bleach*

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

My favorite was the hair the color of a leopard's tongue, or something to that effect. It's just so incredibly over the top it's hilarious. I did find that I thought a couple of the eleventy-dozen images were unique and intriguing, but the endless descriptions are just so overdone.

[persephone100.livejournal.com]

Literally LOL!!!!! The video was HILARIOUS!! Not as funny as the fact someone actually wrote this! Let me get this straight-- this was actually published?????? :0 Was it written on purple paper with purple ink???

Thanks for sharing and giving me a really good laugh!

BTW If I ever write like that please send a hit man to my house --I'll pay!!!

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

It's pretty atrocious, isn't it? But the accompanying creativity is really fabulous. I mean, I literally do write with purple ink and used to write nearly everything on purple legal pad paper, but even when I know I've been a bit overboard, it was nothing like that.

Not to worry about your writing, honestly! (((hugs)))

[persephone100.livejournal.com]

Oh, dear! I hope you aren't insulted by my purple pen and paper joke! You may write on purple paper with purple ink, but your writing is never purple - it's perfect! <3

(((apologetic hugs)))

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Oh no, of course not! I love my purple ink and it has nothing to do (hopefully!) with how I write. Though my writing is far from perfect, lololol.

(((warm hugs back)))