Sheer endurance

[thrihyrne]

I’d written a long, whinging entry yesterday about the distinct lack of time alone I’ve had (my dad and stepmom were visiting from Washington state, plus we had the kids) and how I’ve gotten almost no writing done and the word "demoralized" keeps running through my head at regular intervals… so I deleted it after it had been up a couple of hours. I was going to write about how things seemed better this morning until I spilled coffee on my light-colored dress, and all because these two stupid huge carafes of coffee had just been sitting in our office kitchen for at least a fortnight because half of our staff is leaving and nobody wants to take care of things. Hence, probably, the aforementioned adjective. So today has already gone downhill and now I have two meetings to attend back to back.

Argh. Sorry. NO MORE WHINGEING. At least I have a job, though I hate it, but I am so tired from the two workweeks from hell followed by having 6 of us in our 3 bedroom house and only one hour when I wasn’t physically surrounded by other people (that was when I went for a run Saturday morning) which is making me extraordinarily cranky. The fact that I’ve written squat, or next to nothing, for the past 3 weeks also has made my perspective a bit on the dismal side. Oh, and I haven’t been able to meet my local best friend who also has written fanfiction and teaches the Tolkien, Fandom, Harry Potter and other classes for three weeks now, and she really does help keep me sane. I know that hasn’t helped. I do want to plug her website, though: I’m just amazed beyond belief that I’m friends with people like Amy and jensa who are incredibly intelligent, scholarly in interesting fields, and remain my friend despite the fact that I tend to write them letters about feeling like I’m not making any progress in life but never do a damn thing about it. So I’ll shut up now. But here’s Amy’s website. Valedictorian. Sheesh.

Amy's website

Well, I guess that was it. There are a couple of things on the plus side: it finally stopped raining so I could do some laundry (our dryer broke back when I was in Australia so we use our clothesline, but that does have its nature-invoked drawbacks); I got to watch the second Harry Potter film with my dad, stepmom and stepkids while they were visiting (though there’s not nearly enough Snape nor Weasley twins time for my taste!); I’ve just discovered that my public library carries the Queer as Folk tv show on video and DVD, and there are copies available for me to go check out at lunchtime. WOO HOO!! I can finally know what llembas and others are talking about now. I’m also giving serious thought to using a work-given free night at the big Opryland Hotel and staying there by myself Saturday night to watch said QaF, and maybe “Rasputin” with Alan Rickman. Not sure. Haven’t approached that with the S.O., but I’m going to go absolutely batty if I don’t have a few many consecutive hours without having to talk to people. I’ve also been reading some good HP fanfic, and leaving much commentary. I should probably be at HASA and reviewing things, but so much of it seems so repetitive. There are rare exceptions, of course; I have been able to add a couple of unique and well-crafted Tolkien fanfic stories to my website recs page. I’m just a’feared of running out of steam with my writing, but then I look and see how prolific I’ve been and reckon that I’m just tired. Well, I know that- feeling constant panicky suffocating feelings and that each day is an endurance test until the weekends when I’ll have a few hours to myself has become rather draining. Whoops. More complaining. Must stop that!

One more plus: having met great people in fanfom and lj-land. It’s been so great to write with (and then meet IRL) llembas, hopefully meet edrys this summer (hard to believe we’ve known each other over a year now, my sycldesweoster!), edainfj, and more recently miraminx, licia_north, altariel1, and qowf.

And I’m borrowing a best of Howard Jones CD from my stepkids’ mom. I’ll be cranking “Pearl in the Shell” after these two wretched meetings!!

Edit, 12:14 p.m.
must share a funny moment from an email I exchanged with Amy, discussing the lack of Alan Rickman face time in HP II:

me:I really want him as Snape. And a dungeon. heh.

Amy: LOL! Me, too. And if Lucius Malfoy comes in to watch, I'll invite him to stay. Slytherin sandwich, anyone?

Hmmmmm. Slytherin sandwich...

Comments

[miraminx.livejournal.com]

Lack of time alone, coupled with all those people (who sound like they're demanding a lot of your attention and energy) crammed into your home, sounds really, really draining. I was going to suggest on your previous post that you hire a sitter for the kids and just take off an afternoon or evening, but your night at the hotel sounds even better.

Also, it was really nice to see my name among the good things that have happened to you! I feel the same way about you. Now if you'd just get broadband in your house...

Take care, and good luck with surviving the visit of the 80-foot relatives.

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Also, it was really nice to see my name among the good things that have happened to you! I feel the same way about you. Now if you'd just get broadband in your house...

Thank you for saying so. :) Yes, well- now that I've paid off Bianca the white Subaru, cable is looking like a very real possibility. Though I told my stepdaughter that and she said, "You've been saying you're going to get cable internet for months! I don't believe you!"
*cringe*

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

Ah, so that's what happened to that entry! I read it before it disappeared, but had no time to comment.

Besides, if you can't whinge in your own LJ, where can you? ;-)

[edrys.livejournal.com]

Precisely - and that's also what that little lock thingie is for. :-)

Friends don't mind a little whine. ;-) There's always a comforting shoulder to lean on, and ((hugs)) are definitely in the offing (of course there's the occasional thump on the head, kick-in-the-butt, or whatever the situation calls for). :-D

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Thank you both for your perspective. It's not like I have a huge readership here, and it's mostly RL these days, sadly, instead of writing, though I'm sure that will change.

(of course there's the occasional thump on the head, kick-in-the-butt, or whatever the situation calls for)

Yes, I'm glad that those come around too! I'm all about hugs and listening ears, but it's the true friend who will say, "Y'know, you just need to get over it and move on!!"

((hugs to you and Cel))

[forodwaith.livejournal.com]

Hope life slows down a little soon. I hear you on the overwhelmingness of company (even loved company).

Also - thanks for rec'cing Transfigurations on your website! I read it last weekend and was blown away. Great stuff (and I'm not even normally a H/D fan).

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

Hope life slows down a little soon.

This weekend should be blissfully void of much activity- I just want to do some writing, and hope that inspiration strikes. If not, I'll be watching a bunch of QaF and some other movies and maybe finally starting to relax.

Also - thanks for rec'cing Transfigurations on your website! I read it last weekend and was blown away. Great stuff (and I'm not even normally a H/D fan).

I'm so glad you liked it!! You did email the author and tell her how impressed you were, correct? hint, hint I was really floored with the magical elements of it- really complicated stuff, and the side-bar of the romance was well handled and believable in this context, I thought. I'm reading another one now which is Harry/Snape which is, again, grippingly written and fascinating with the qualities of magic. Anybody have any really great Tolkien stuff that I'm missing? I feel like all I read nowadays is HP and the vibrancy of the wizarding world (and the occasional review at HASA). Maybe I need to find some grippingly written Silmfic or somesuch. Some great angsty Elf story. Oh, wait, that was another idea I had. Damn nuzgul!!

more Tolkien fanfic

[cim-halfling.livejournal.com]

My dear Thevina, I haven't started in on HP fanfic (still trying to read more Tolkien pages, but did you find Baylor's stuff yet? I really like her take on the Hobbits (called appropriately, Mushrooms). Let me know if I should e-mail you the link. Yours in fellowship, fondly cimorene, the halfling