I don't wanna work...

[thrihyrne]

... I wanna be at home.

Warning: slight whinge-fest to follow, not even fandom related.



I think I’ve already read enough about the Mithrils even peripherally to last me for the rest of the year. Yes, I’m involved. I’m a judge. I judged last year. I know that the process isn’t transparent and that is less than ideal. The last time I checked, it wasn’t an ideal world, either, and quite honestly, I guess I just am more trusting of the people who will be doing the culling through what might be well over 1000 stories. I sure as hell don’t have that kind of time. I guess I assume that there are several people going through to come up with the shortlist of the nominations, and I will continue believing in the usually-positive-mindset way that I have that I will respect the integrity of those people. Whoever they may be. Will there be perceived bias? I’m sure! All you have to do is go read the paper I wrote about members of HASA to see that. Is perception reality? Absolutely. I’m still grateful for the work of the people who are making the Mithrils happen again, and I hope that the authors whose stories I will pore over, read, reread, and make lengthy and hopefully insightful comments on will appreciate the time that I take. [then again, I hope that people do that at HASA’s reviewing process as well. I’m almost tempted to email Ang and see if she can tell me exactly how many dozens/100+? I’ve reviewed since becoming a reviewer. Sure seems like a lot. I feel like I’m not being a good citizen if I don’t. Community contribution and all that.] I’ve seen some of my friends choose not to participate this year, and I respect their decisions. It’s a hobby, and it’s also voluntary. It’s easy enough from the Mithrils main page and FAQ section to opt out. Quite honestly, how many current writers believe that they will still be writing Tolkien fanfiction in ten years’ time? Hopefully it will have the same longevity as Star Trek, and The Professionals. I’ll probably still be writing papers about fandom at that time- maybe a retrospective. That’s all I have to say about it.).

I am having the week from hell. Work sucks. I hate it right now, not that it’s ever inspiring, except for our summer hours when we only work 30 hours a week. That rocks. I have an opera Thursday and Saturday (and the final dress rehearsal tonight, all of which I have to attend) and am getting grief about that and season ticket renewals all at the same time, and found out that two of my favorite coworkers are both quitting. I don’t have the fortitude to keep being sweet and patient and kind to my 550 season ticket holders. I just don’t. Not today.

I’m ready for my martini. I don’t care that it’s only 2:28 3:20 p.m. (I’ve had so many interruptions it’s taken me an hour to post this!) on a Tuesday. This sucks. I hate this. UGH! I’ve been here five years. I should find something more creative to do.

Oh, and I haven’t written anything in days/weeks now, maybe, which makes me feel all out of kilter and question my identity. I’ve never seen myself as being what I do as a job, and I’ve become rather comfortable with being a fanfiction writer. I’m sure the dry spell will pass, but it’s frustrating. I’ll get over it.

Anyway, because things are terribly hectic here at the office and I do need to keep employed in order to support my other habits, I won’t be posting much. But I’m thinking of you all, and hope that you’re all feeling creative, being appreciated by your peers/friends and families, or at least enjoying a good book. Me, I started rereading HP and the Goblet of Fire last night. The researcher in me has come out and I’ve decided to reread the whole set to get a more firm canonical grasp on Remus before going back to my R/S story but, more importantly, I’m taking notes about Fred and George. Why? Because I’ve decided to try and write a long HP story about them, kindof in the "Rosencrantz and Gildenstern" model. Say, do the entirety of OotP, but from their POV, with them dipping in and out of their entrances in the book. But I wanted to get their backstories and tricks and whatnot (ie. their personalities) while figuring out what they’re doing offscreen. I’m actually really excited about this potential story, such as it is, germinating in my mind and giving me something to look forward to on the other end of the Week From Hell.

It snowed here today. In Nashville. On April 13th. How odd.

Comments

[febobe.livejournal.com]

I love you dearly, as you know, sweetheart. But please know that you are, for me, the *only* positive spark about the Mithrils. I've seen enough about them that I would have absolutely nothing but some very, very dark commentary were it not for the fact that you *are* still involved and you are so dear to me and I know you too well. I know your heart, IMO, at least in this respect, and I have no questions about your intentions. However, my lack of questioning about your heart cannot, regrettably, change my feeling about what I've seen of the whole process. What I am glad of is that you respect my decision - the fact that I cannot in good conscience participate. And I respect your decision to remain a participant. . .frankly, you're my one hope to bring some sanity to the whole matter. I'd rather stay out here where it's still about being a hobby and being enjoyable. And I regret that I was so withdrawn at the time you were getting started with your paper and with fanfic in general: part of me feels that perhaps you might have had the chance to experience other areas differently had I been better able to introduce you to them. But that was the period when I was having trouble even getting out of bed in the afternoons (forget mornings), and I'm afraid I wasn't much help or much of a friend during that time, for which I'm truly sorry. But I'm glad you're somewhere out here in fandom writing fanfic, even if it is over at HASA. ;D

That brings me to my next point: don't worry about the dry streak. It's natural when you're going through stress, particularly more stress than you realise, which it sounds like is very much the case with you. I've gone MONTHS in the desert, and it's horrible, isn't it? Try coddling your writer self: I'd suggest you explore, if you haven't already, The Artist's Way and The Artist's Way Datebook (both available from Nashville Public Library) by Julia Cameron. From there, feel free to move on to her other books, but start there. She has some stuff that isn't really my thing, but really it's great stuff for any creative artist, including writers. :) There's also Jane Yolen's lovely little volume entitled simply, Take Joy, and Unstuck by Jane Anne Staw, Ph.D., which I'm reading ATM.

The fact that you have ideas bubbling should give you hope. Don't let go of that. :) Your identity is still there. . .it's just that we all go through seasons as creative artists. And sometimes those seasons include dry ones, when our leaves fade and there seems to be no bearing of fruit and we begin to wonder whether we were truly made to blossom after all.

But that does not mean, dear one, that we weren't. :)

I'm so sorry things are rough at work right now. . .it's always awful losing any beloved colleagues, much less two at once. :( And I'm sorry this is a tough time. The weather switches aren't exactly helping. . .talk about making the whole world here feel weird. My only saving grace was that, despite having to get up early to take D. for a long test this morning after getting in late yesterday, I at least had enough time to leave him (since I couldn't go in anyhow - we agreed on it in advance), get a leisurely breakfast at the cafeteria, and come home to write a bit. My first real alone time since - well, since he lost his job, and I wasn't holding it together well enough to function like this and enjoy it even then, so. . . . What I wish you is time like THAT. A special surprise little block of time that bubbles up and catches you and surprises you with being able to write again. . .this was my first writing done in weeks. So maybe it'll rub off? :)

And hey, I meant to post this before my class tonight, and now it's over six hours after I started it. . . . ;D

Yes, I still expect to be writing this stuff in ten years. That's certainly my hope. Let's raise our glasses together to a decade and more of happy writing and friendship, everything else aside. :)

Hugs,
Febobe :)

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

I love you dearly, as you know, sweetheart.

*feels the love, and blackberry cobbler, as only my dear febobe can make it. (looks both for coolwhip and drool cup)*

But I'm glad you're somewhere out here in fandom writing fanfic, even if it is over at HASA.

You know I can't stop. And I love HASA. Yes, now I've said it. It's such a wonderful place for those of us writing in multiple genres/time periods/adding to the virtual-Gondorian-level-library. Now I have my own site. The worry for me now is that I have adult content stories that I don't want my parents/grandparents/ex-inlaws reading. But I always feel your slightly wagging finger when I start back in on my HP. *ducks and runs*

I've gone MONTHS in the desert, and it's horrible, isn't it?

Thankfully I haven't gone through that yet, but I sure feel like my muse has been working overtime. Everything I've written has been within the past 13 months. It's a bit unreal, considering I've tried to tuck in two quasi-academic papers in there. I think I need to be in graduate school. After I win the lottery.

Let's raise our glasses together to a decade and more of happy writing and friendship, everything else aside. :)

All I have to say to that is after spending time sprawled in my doorway with you, after watching FotR at my house, that first Lomelindi meeting at home with food and hobbit-sized friendship, and feeling as though the wings which must spring rather unseen from your back had made their way to me, was grounding. You and Amy are very different people, but you both lighten my heart, and for that I am eternally grateful. Just be glad I didn't make the "Lomelindi" pillowcase for you for your birthday that I had in mind, which would have had a self-scrawled "Frodo slept here" on the back side for good measure. ;)

I am, if nothing else, incorrigable.

[lindorien.livejournal.com]

You got my views on it elsewhere. At least I hope you did. My LJ skills are small. I found this through windswept1. But its not easy to OPT OUT. It took me twenty minutes to figure out how. I know, I know, I'm a computer idiot. But if anybody reading this does want to opt out, the way to do it is to go to the Mithril Awards page, Thev marked above, hit nominations and about a few paragraphs down it gives a link for the authors whose stories NOT to nominate.

Or you can just email mithrilawards@yahoo.com and let them know and one of the committee will put you on the list.

But it took me a long time to figure out how to do that, Thev, it really did.

Why is everybody having a bad day. Me? I have two day to file taxes. My ADD meds have FINALLY kicked in. Like they should have done that LAST week. My taxes are complicated, they take forever. No they don't. It's just that I have to sort through everything.

By the way, Thev, there is a nifty new feature on HASA in which you can actually read ALL the review that you have done for people. I've done about a million of them. I should shutup and give somebody else a chance. And I left comments with a fair few of them. So, I've done my bit for fanfic posterity. I opt out without guilt.

I think the feature is under the My Stuff section. Under Reviews and then there's a subsection for reviews you've received and then reviews you've given. Pretty cool.

[thrihyrne.livejournal.com]

You got my views on it elsewhere. At least I hope you did.

Yep! :D And you know, you're not nearly as computer-incompetent as you keep trying to make out.

By the way, Thev, there is a nifty new feature on HASA in which you can actually read ALL the review that you have done for people.

Found it! That's so cool! One of the admins had emailed me last night, and I was rather stunned to see that I have, indeed, since July of 2003, done 90 reviews. Goodness gracious.

I so have you beat - part 1

[lindorien.livejournal.com]

I've done 199 reviews. Count 'em and weep. Somebody should just tape my fingers together. I haven't even been there a year.

I really am this computer incompetent. One of my degrees is Computer Science. It's almost twenty years old. Were it not for that degree I would be wandering around in circles muttering to myself.

Seriously, Thev, it is that bad. I can't even set up my own equipment anymore. Husband does that. He is first class geek, likes wires and buttons. I cannot program the VCR. I can barely work the DVD. I can't figure out how to record something that is on TV onto the VCR. I don't watch TV at except for news on occasion. Good thing because I have a heck of a time figuring out the digital converter or the remote control. I can't work my kids TV or their DVD thing at all. I use Macs, the kids have a Dell. I can't help them if something isn't working, even a program, they have to wait until their father gets home.

I can't figure out how you guys get those little pictures up. I don't know where the little pictures come from. I didn't know where those smiley faces were coming from all over HASA for the longest time. I credit HASA with teaching me what HTML I do know. I post there first because it autoformats my stuff. Then I can just copy and paste it to SoA which does not autoformat my stuff, but I don't know why.

My ever fitful laptop was replaced by Apple because it kept crapping out. I handed the new one to husband and he spent the time loading all software that needed loading because I honestly wouldn't have had the foggiest notion where to begin.

My other persona on LJ friended people. I can't remember how to do it. This place is really big. Too big for me.

I think its the ADD maybe? I don't know. Lately I am overwhelmed by word overload, which is why I find the awards site so incomprehensible, as well as most of the back and forth that was going on, so I only read the occasional thing. I get lost very easily at sites. I don't know how I got there. I just learned that browsers have history. I have to use Safari at HASA now and I don't know how it works so I can't tell if it is doing what I want and I can't figure out how the bookmarks work on Safari. When macintosh made the big change on their operating system with OS X, I almost crumbled into a little ball and disappeared into a corner.

I could not find anything on my hard drive. I kept calling my husband - "I can't find this file. How do I do this? How come it all looks so wierd?"


too long, must continue...

OMG! It worked - part 2

[lindorien.livejournal.com]

I can't get the new HASA to do anything I want, but I'm not sure what I want so that's probably just as well. Ang assures me that I won't crash her server. I am not so certain that I won't crash her patience, so I am going to lay low for a while and get used to the new look.

It is why I like SoA - it is simple.

Regarding printers - I did not print out anything at all for a year because I could not get my printer to work. My husband had to print things out for me because I couldn't get the printer to work for me. I just made him buy me a very fancy and very expensive laser printer that is wireless and that listens to all my computers. I love that printer. It works. It will print thousands of pages before I will need to have husband change toner or ink, or whatever it is using to print things. The paper does not jam.

Yes - I am a computer freaking idiot. Especially as most normal people today go. If I ever tried to start an archive or just a website or something, I'd have to hire somebody to do it and maintain it because I actually don't really understand the concept of a server. I mean, I think I understand the concept from my ancient Computer Science pre-internet days, but I don't really understand the concept.

If my computer ever got a virus, I would throw it away and buy a new one. In fact, that has been my technique up until now- I don't upgrade, I buy new ones because the upgrades never seem to work right and I don't know why and I can't figure it out and my husband is almost never home.

I have also learned to copy posts like this to word processor first in case it doesn't post right. Because lots of times they don't post and I don't know why and then I give up and don't post.

Yes - I am a computer idiot - I am a technodolt - hear me roar.

Microwaves - off/on - I have that much down pretty well. I have a fancy convection oven - I use like two features on it.

Do you know I went through Calculus without a calculator. Seriously. And without a slide rule. We were supposed to use calculators, but I just kept deriving the sins and cosines from scratch. The prof couldn't figure out why I was spending hours on the exams. I interpolated by hand.

Shall now hit post and see if it works. If not, maybe I'll just drop an email.

hugs
Lindorien