"Down the Whispering Well," post 7
Apr. 20th, 2008 07:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thrihyrneTitle: Down the Whispering Well
This post rating: general
Warnings: extended time with Phade, character death (offscreen)
Word Count: 3860
Disclaimer: Ashmael, Vaysh, and the harish world all belong to Storm Constantine; I'm merely playing with great abandon in her sandbox.
Pairings: Vaysh/Ashmael (historic)
Novella summary: Being brought back from the dead doesn't mean happily ever after, especially if you're Vaysh. Life has its costs, and he pays dearly. An exploration of Vaysh's character in the years before and through Pellaz's transformation, and the burdens he endures, because he must.
Post summary: Vaysh crosses metaphoric swords with Phade until Natalia comes again, and he returns to the cold place. Things have changed, and Kervad is the one to serve as messenger. Continued from post 6, here.
Too long and quickly have I lived to vow
The woe that stretches me shall never wane,
Too often seen the end of endless pain
To swear that peace no more shall cool my brow.
I know, I know—again the shriveled bough
Will burgeon sweetly in the gentle rain,
And these hard lands be quivering with grain—
I tell you only: it is Winter now.
~ from "Transitions," Dorothy Parker
* * * * *
"Hello, sweetheart."
If Tassia felt insulted or upset by my affectionate murmurings, they were thankfully kept hidden. The sedu nosed at my shoulder in greeting, and I patted at her flank. I had woken early to the sound of Yazdyar's cries, and sought out Thiede in the land of the mind where I suspected I could find him. He'd been waiting, and gave me all of the details I needed: where to find my sedu, a vision of the town of Samway in Olopade, what it looked like and an approximate path in the Otherlanes. I was a bit nervous, having never travelled alone to a geographic location I'd never been before using those crazed paths in the universe. Thiede reassured me that Tassia knew the way, even though I did not. I kept my good-byes brief, hugging first Jaffa and then enfolding both Firethorn and the harling together.
"Please write, or send word somehow," Firethorn pleaded, wiping a small piece of fig off of the infant's mouth. "Don't just vanish, that's not fair."
"Life's not fair," I said dryly, but I kissed him on the cheek. "I will if I can. Take care of each other."
Tassia allowed me to saddle my small packs into the saddlebags, and we trotted out of Ferelithia to be away from prying eyes. The sensation of opening my mind to Tassia was as comfortable and easy as drawing back a curtain. I held onto the reins and off and up into the charged ozone we went.
Olopade seemed far more solid, earthy and unforgiving as the area further north with the Tollsend hara. For all of the frivolous activities the Fereliths took so seriously, it had been a place with more malleability, or fluidity. The change in terrain put a dull flavour on my tongue through no real fault of its own, not helped by my lack of sleep and general irritability. Due to a variety of factors, it was perhaps inevitable that Phade and I got off on the wrong foot and it was never righted. He rode out to meet me as I approached the stone walls of his tower, untouched, apparently, by harish qualities. He was swarthy, but handsome as all hara are. Thiede had told him next to nothing and he peppered me with questions after the merest of social niceties had been observed. His disappointment that I'd not come from Thiede's elite ranks of Gelaming, nor from Immanion at all, he didn't attempt to hide. Phade did possess enough decorum to give me a tour of his small estate and then took me into town, filling me in on the background of how his clan had come to be there and how they'd battled the humans through will of mind, not gun or sword.
"But you have humans living in Samway!" I exclaimed as we rode our horses back to his stone tower.
"Yes— we Wraeththu have a long lifespan, so it appears, but we can't procreate, or haven't figured out how, so we need human males to incept. It's their choice, but they've begun to grow up in our midst and nearly all of them choose to become har."
"And the women?" I kept my knowledge about harlings and being with pearl to myself. My instincts told me it would be too much for the har to digest.
He shrugged, relatively uninterested in their plight. "It's a rough turn of luck for them, but it's peaceful here, and they're not abused."
"How thoughtful," I said, the words oozing sarcasm, but my sentiment bounced off of him.
By dinnertime he'd appeared to have overcome his keen disappointment that Thiede hadn't sent one of his inner guard. Phade had changed tactics and seemed determined to try and seduce me instead. Having nothing else better to do and nursing my newfound strength in being inaccessible, I played with him. I teased and flirted, squashing down faint shivers of revulsion when he actually touched me. I kept it up all through the meal and on until after dinner drinks by the fire in his surprisingly vast library. I was genuinely curious about the walls of bookcases and nearly exclusively human tomes he had shelved; by asking about them, he kept his tongue, for a time, out of my mouth and speaking on topics that I found of interest.
"Homeopathy?" I queried, handling one of the slim volumes I'd plucked down from a shelf.
"Yes. All communities need healers, and these books are beautifully illustrated," he said, radiating pride I almost found endearing. "These large volumes are on magic, at least as the humans perceived it, and over on that shelf I have some masterfully decorated atlases. Perhaps you could show me where you come from, originally?" He infused the words with intrigue, though no doubt he really did wonder about my origins.
"Perhaps tomorrow. It's been a very long day for me, and I'd be grateful for Oxnard to show me to my rooms."
I saw his face fall at that; if I'd asked him to escort me he would doubtless have seen it as an invitation to other activities. That I'd specified one of his household instead didn't dampen his enthusiasm for long, however.
"I'll summon him. I would be most grateful for you to share breakfast with me in the morning. Are you an early riser?"
He'd drawn closer, the decanter of not-exactly-dauthi poised above my glass. I placed two fingers on top of it to prevent him from pouring any more.
"I tend to sleep late if given the chance. I wouldn't want to keep you from your business in the morning."
Phade wasn't giving up so easily. His staff were all appealing — it was a hallmark of being har, after all — but I knew I far outstripped them in looks and manner. He would shake my tree until the fruits he desired fell into his awaiting hands; I could smell the pungent scent of his tenacity.
"You won't," he insisted, placing the liquor on a serving table. "Besides, you're so pale; you should go out riding with me beyond the lake into the base of the mountains. The fresh air and sun will do you good. The wildflowers are unbelievable this time of year. A circus of colour."
"I'd be happy to discuss that with you. Tomorrow," I said firmly, stepping away from him and giving the door a meaningful glance. "Is Oxnard coming? I really do want to get to bed. Travelling the Otherlanes is tiring, and it's been a full day."
"Oh. Yes."
I sensed Phade reaching out in silent communication, all while planning his next move to entice me to take aruna, or share breath, pin me against the wall— I would have none of that.
"Do you mind if I take this with me?" I asked, smoothing my fingers down the curved glass of the decanter.
"Wouldn't you rather take something with more… fire?" His gaze was smoky and probably erotic to others, but he did absolutely nothing for me.
"No, but thank you. You're indeed a thoughtful host. Ah, there you are," I said warmly to his aide, a young har with wide, brown eyes and fawn-like, cautious mannerisms.
"Make sure Vaysh isn't lacking any comfort," Phade dictated, though the innuendo wasn't lost on Oxnard, whose ear tips flushed an appealing rosy colour. He escorted me to my room, up one more floor with a view of the town in the valley below, though it was nearly all dark.
"Would you like a small fire? Phade said you've come from further south and might find our weather chill," he said, busily arranging a jug and basin, glancing at me with bright eyes, expectant and missing no subtle action on my part.
"A fire would be most appreciated, and then I'll free you from your responsibilities to me."
"As you wish."
The fire was lit and I poured another glass of the clear spirits before standing in front of the fireplace, grateful for the warmth. The weather was mild for them, and would become warmer while I stayed, but there was something about the stone walls and floor that leeched away the heat. Oxnard lingered in the doorway, again asking if I was in need of anything, but I dismissed him with a generous smile. Once alone I slumped into a chair that had been thoughtfully pulled up close to the hearth. Phade was no enigma; after being around Jaffa and Firethorn for months, his similar forthrightness and lack of duplicity was reassuring. If he continued to try and get into my trousers or bed, though, that would get tiresome. That was future trouble, though. In addition to learning well the lesson that anything I loved could be taken away at will, I'd also taken to heart the adage of living in the moment at hand. No doubt there would be more difficulties in my future, but for just this moment, this hour before sleep claimed me, I was not in active strife. That was enough.
I remained in Olopade through the autumn and into winter until Natalia loomed its head, yet again. Throughout those many months I'd written to Firethorn and Jaffa once or twice, and had also begun practising again regularly at a shooting range. Usually I went with Oxnard, or one of the other house-hara, but I did go out with Phade on more than one occasion. I wanted him to know well that I was a good shot. He made a wisecrack about being surprised that such a snow maiden had my skill with a rifle, but he shut up once I'd turned the gun on him, aiming squarely at his heart.
"I'm no woman, Phade," I said, freeing the safety latch and feeling a flush of dark satisfaction as the colour bled from his face. "I'll thank you never to call me that again, especially when I'm armed. And I'm always armed."
"It was a joke," he'd spluttered through temporarily stunned lips.
"I hope so."
The unfortunate side-effect of that particular display of cold power was that Oxnard heard about it and I had to become almost rude in turning away his advances. It was when Phade refused to quit talking about me having both heart and genitals made of ice that I packed my bags.
Phade I would not miss, though I'd grown fond of Oxnard. After the initial three months of relentless pursuit and my equally resolute refusals, Phade had decided that there was something quite troubling and wrong with me. Then the self-declared Master of Samway decided I was both troubled and frigid, most unnatural in any Wraeththu. I'm pretty sure that I'd shared breath with Oxnard on a couple of occasions simply because I knew the news would get back to Phade. By this time I'd turned down several offers of aruna by a bevy of hara, including the endearing Oxnard, who was genuinely worried. I reassured him that it was part of my training, and that I was drawing strength through abstinence, but he let me know he was available and cared for me should I ever change my mind.
As we approached the shortest day of the year, I decided it was the right moment to take the few days' ride back to the place of my own rebirth. I was curious as to Thiede's whereabouts and activities, plus I'd been in Phade's territory for quite long enough. I'd felt a keen snap in communication from Thiede, as though he'd been stretched to his limit by something and sprung off in its pursuit. In meditation, I wandered throughout the paths of knowledge and space; I wasn't alone, but I also wasn't powerful enough of a presence to be noted, except by Thiede. His absence puzzled me, but I'd not sensed pain or trauma of any sort affecting him, and so I didn't worry overmuch.
Since I couldn't seem to get in touch with him, I found myself facing the prospect of returning to the land outside of Tollsend on a conventional horse. I sent out a tentative, curious tendril of thought toward Tassia, but didn't feel the sedu's presence and gave up, resigned. One night a couple of days before the date I'd set to leave, I dreamed of Velaxis. There was that avenue, though I'd never caught a whiff of his aura in any of my mind travels. It seemed to be more prudent to travel on one of Phade's hardy horses than to try to contact the enigmatic har in Immanion. He was still presumably Thiede's assistant, and if Thiede was busy with some all-encompassing enterprise, chances were that Velaxis also had a hand in it.
I could not have guessed the truth with even the wildest flights of fancy, but I grew to cherish the lack of foresight.
The morning I was set to go, a sumptuous breakfast was set out for me, once again in Phade's private dining area. We were engaged in barely civil banter, he still trying vainly to find out why I was leaving before their winter festival.
"It will be much more fun than anything you could expect up in that colder north, especially from what little you've told me about the hara there."
"Phade," I said calmly but with a voice sharp enough to cut glass, "you seem determined to insult every aspect about me: my companions, my dress, my pursuits, my spiritual endeavours, even my choice where to spend Natalia."
There was no verbal apology, but the faintest shadow of true regret stole through his gaze before vanishing. "Everyone has a skill; that's mine."
I let out a sigh despite myself and poured more coffee. Just then Oxnard came in through the open door, excitement and concern battling for supremacy in his cautious face.
"Phade." He nodded in his direction. "Vaysh, one of the stablehara came to get me. Your special horse— Tassia, I believe you called her? She just appeared from the forest, walking," he clarified.
My heart soared at that cheery news; perhaps she'd opted to take a more conventional route to get her bearings in this land with its first deep snowfall of the season. No matter her reasoning, I was greatly relieved.
"She's being well taken care of," he went on hurriedly. "So perhaps you could stay through the afternoon? Or until tomorrow?"
Phade's irritated glance slid over him like oil across water.
"No, but I appreciate Phade's and your reluctance to see me go. I have business up near Tollsend. Thiede needs for something, even though I'm not certain what it is."
"If the others he bosses about look anything like you, he's welcome to send his whole army to visit next time," Phade drawled.
"I'm sure Thiede is well aware of your hospitality," I said, sneering over my plate. "But I'll be certain to tell him of your open arms policy."
I got up from the table, the admittedly tasty breakfast now churning with an unpleasant motion in my stomach. I knew there was a momentous event awaiting me at the fortress, and had thought I'd have a few days on horseback to ready myself. Now I could be there on the stone steps again in mere minutes. There was little I was unprepared to face anymore, however, so I ignored the lurking nausea and butterflies, made certain I'd removed all of my belongings from my room in Phade's tower, and headed out to the stables. There were to be no clinging, weepy good-byes, only my good riddance. Seeing Tassia improved my spirits, however, and she seemed happy enough to be with me again.
"So. Whose are you when you're not with me?" I asked aloud and she gave me a hard look, as much as a sedu can. I'd opened my mind so it was wide and clear, like the early morning spring sky in Ferelithia, bright and cloudless. A ghostly flicker of a face, handsome with almond-shaped eyes dancing with intelligence, shone there, and then dissipated. Whoever it was, the har was unknown to me, but I nurtured my own unique connection to Tassia, tucking it into a hidden fold of my heart.
I was bundled up; the cold tried to slip its fingers under my collar, or around my ears where the flaps of my hat didn't quite reach. "We're going to see Thiede, and you know that, don't you?"
Tassia whinnied softly, snorting so her breath came out in visible puffs. I placed my foot securely in the stirrup and swung my other leg up and over, situating myself on the saddle. With an affectionate pat on the side of her neck, I placed my memory of the stone fortress on display. A thin smile settled on my lips when I realised I'd also envisioned Feslavit and Kervad on the steps, there in my mind's eye.
We burst down from the Otherlanes onto a landscape white with snow, not far from the fortress. As Tassia canted and slowed to a walk, I looked around. The sun was out, though it was the tepid, insubstantial sun of winter. Two hara came bustling out from the solid oak front door, both clad in furs. One seemed more familiar than the other, and I took a cleansing breath. It was strange after so many farewells to be saying hello instead to someone who knew me. I dismounted, giving Kervad a wide smile before he embraced me, an unexpected air of solemnity around him. He held me closely as I noted his again-familiar scent of cinnamon and pine, wondering what had come to pass to be treated this way. After a time he pulled away, tilting his head as though evaluating me.
"It's good to see you again," I said. Noting the har behind him looking expectant, I told him that if he wished to take in my things, I would be most appreciative.
"Welcome back, Vaysh," Kervad said, his melodious voice still harbouring some secret. "Thiede is here— he said that we should expect you. Let's go in out of the cold. We should go to the ground floor library; the fire there's blazing. I remember how quickly you get chilled."
"Thank you. Shouldn't I go see Thiede, straightaway?"
He'd taken my arm, guiding me up the stairs as though I'd never been there before. "No," he replied. "He'll be down for dinner, later on this evening. There's something I need to tell you."
We both stamped the snow off of our boots and hung our heavy coats on the wall hooks that lined the entrance hall.
"So I gathered."
Throughout this brief and cryptic exchange, I'd wondered where Feslavit was. Maybe he was waiting to surprise me; it didn't seem like him, as direct as he was, but maybe things had changed. Perhaps he now had a consort or become chesna with someone, and Kervad felt — wrongly — that he needed to soften the blow.
"Where's Feslavit?" I asked as I sat in one of the overstuffed chairs.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
A-ha, so I was right. "He has a chesnari?"
"No, Vaysh. He's dead."
I looked at Kervad, waiting for a deep stirring of emotion to come at that shocking news, but none flooded through me. Right at the moment, curiosity burned the most. It was hard to kill a har; I should know.
"What happened?"
He'd crouched at the side of the chair, his gaze trained on mine to look for any crazed responses and to make sure I was coping. When he saw I wasn't going to fall apart, he stood and pulled up the footrest, sitting on it.
"It was an accident— nothing more. Last summer he'd been doing some repairs up on the roof, lost his balance, and fell. He broke his neck, all very fast, no pain."
I nodded, now unsure of my feelings, as the suddenness, and tragic unpredictability of his accident reminded me of how I'd died. Though for Feslavit, there wouldn't have been a particular har to go mad with grief, at least not that I knew of.
"Thank you for telling me." I looked down at my interlaced hands. "Did he have someone who mourned him especially?"
Perhaps the question was really too gruesome, but after half a year with Phade, my self-censoring had gone rusty. Kervad took one of my hands, rubbing warmth gently into my cold fingers. I'd forgotten about the arresting green of his eyes; he seemed more mature now. He could well have been a special companion to Feslavit, who'd certainly had a heart expansive enough for at least two.
"No, no one particular har. We all took his death hard. It had been a luxury, you know, being Wraeththu, nearly impossible to kill. And yet, all it took was a misstep on a tile. Thiede had just arrived and was engrossed in this secretive project, but he'll want to tell you about that in his own way." He brought my hand to his face, clasping it there as a young child might. "Feslavit loved you, and never apologised for that. We would've sent word to you about the news, but didn't know where you were, and Thiede indicated without words not to trouble you. I'm glad you're back now."
He kissed my palm with his full lips like plump pillows, and stood up. "I'm here whenever you need me. The day is yours. If you'd like to see Feslavit's memorial, I'll be glad to take you to it, or you may want to go around the grounds at your own pace. It's been snowing a lot, though."
I nodded again, my competent speech having swum away from me into some other pool for me to access later.
"Look," Kervad went on, "this is all a big shock, no doubt. I'm not as naïve as you might think; I could tell you didn't ever plan to blood bind to him. Someone else had that place in you. You seem…" He stopped, fumbling for the word he wanted. "You seem more whole than when you left, but still haunted. Maybe that's why Thiede beckoned you to return, so he could polish you, or something like that. I don't know," he said with a rueful, soft laugh. "I'm fascinated and at times obsessed by him. But his attentions can be too much to bear, and I want to hide. There's nowhere to go, though. He seems to know about everything."
Blinking slowly, I pushed myself out of the chair, caressing the line of his jaw, overtaken by spiritual exhaustion. "You're right. There is nowhere to go. For me, even death was no escape. He brought me back."
Kervad leaned in and shared breath with me; surprisingly, I didn't find it intrusive, only warming with the silky heat that resided in him, like russet, fire-lit fox fur. "You'll find out soon enough, but Thiede did so again. You're no longer the only one."
This post rating: general
Warnings: extended time with Phade, character death (offscreen)
Word Count: 3860
Disclaimer: Ashmael, Vaysh, and the harish world all belong to Storm Constantine; I'm merely playing with great abandon in her sandbox.
Pairings: Vaysh/Ashmael (historic)
Novella summary: Being brought back from the dead doesn't mean happily ever after, especially if you're Vaysh. Life has its costs, and he pays dearly. An exploration of Vaysh's character in the years before and through Pellaz's transformation, and the burdens he endures, because he must.
Post summary: Vaysh crosses metaphoric swords with Phade until Natalia comes again, and he returns to the cold place. Things have changed, and Kervad is the one to serve as messenger. Continued from post 6, here.
Too long and quickly have I lived to vow
The woe that stretches me shall never wane,
Too often seen the end of endless pain
To swear that peace no more shall cool my brow.
I know, I know—again the shriveled bough
Will burgeon sweetly in the gentle rain,
And these hard lands be quivering with grain—
I tell you only: it is Winter now.
~ from "Transitions," Dorothy Parker
* * * * *
"Hello, sweetheart."
If Tassia felt insulted or upset by my affectionate murmurings, they were thankfully kept hidden. The sedu nosed at my shoulder in greeting, and I patted at her flank. I had woken early to the sound of Yazdyar's cries, and sought out Thiede in the land of the mind where I suspected I could find him. He'd been waiting, and gave me all of the details I needed: where to find my sedu, a vision of the town of Samway in Olopade, what it looked like and an approximate path in the Otherlanes. I was a bit nervous, having never travelled alone to a geographic location I'd never been before using those crazed paths in the universe. Thiede reassured me that Tassia knew the way, even though I did not. I kept my good-byes brief, hugging first Jaffa and then enfolding both Firethorn and the harling together.
"Please write, or send word somehow," Firethorn pleaded, wiping a small piece of fig off of the infant's mouth. "Don't just vanish, that's not fair."
"Life's not fair," I said dryly, but I kissed him on the cheek. "I will if I can. Take care of each other."
Tassia allowed me to saddle my small packs into the saddlebags, and we trotted out of Ferelithia to be away from prying eyes. The sensation of opening my mind to Tassia was as comfortable and easy as drawing back a curtain. I held onto the reins and off and up into the charged ozone we went.
Olopade seemed far more solid, earthy and unforgiving as the area further north with the Tollsend hara. For all of the frivolous activities the Fereliths took so seriously, it had been a place with more malleability, or fluidity. The change in terrain put a dull flavour on my tongue through no real fault of its own, not helped by my lack of sleep and general irritability. Due to a variety of factors, it was perhaps inevitable that Phade and I got off on the wrong foot and it was never righted. He rode out to meet me as I approached the stone walls of his tower, untouched, apparently, by harish qualities. He was swarthy, but handsome as all hara are. Thiede had told him next to nothing and he peppered me with questions after the merest of social niceties had been observed. His disappointment that I'd not come from Thiede's elite ranks of Gelaming, nor from Immanion at all, he didn't attempt to hide. Phade did possess enough decorum to give me a tour of his small estate and then took me into town, filling me in on the background of how his clan had come to be there and how they'd battled the humans through will of mind, not gun or sword.
"But you have humans living in Samway!" I exclaimed as we rode our horses back to his stone tower.
"Yes— we Wraeththu have a long lifespan, so it appears, but we can't procreate, or haven't figured out how, so we need human males to incept. It's their choice, but they've begun to grow up in our midst and nearly all of them choose to become har."
"And the women?" I kept my knowledge about harlings and being with pearl to myself. My instincts told me it would be too much for the har to digest.
He shrugged, relatively uninterested in their plight. "It's a rough turn of luck for them, but it's peaceful here, and they're not abused."
"How thoughtful," I said, the words oozing sarcasm, but my sentiment bounced off of him.
By dinnertime he'd appeared to have overcome his keen disappointment that Thiede hadn't sent one of his inner guard. Phade had changed tactics and seemed determined to try and seduce me instead. Having nothing else better to do and nursing my newfound strength in being inaccessible, I played with him. I teased and flirted, squashing down faint shivers of revulsion when he actually touched me. I kept it up all through the meal and on until after dinner drinks by the fire in his surprisingly vast library. I was genuinely curious about the walls of bookcases and nearly exclusively human tomes he had shelved; by asking about them, he kept his tongue, for a time, out of my mouth and speaking on topics that I found of interest.
"Homeopathy?" I queried, handling one of the slim volumes I'd plucked down from a shelf.
"Yes. All communities need healers, and these books are beautifully illustrated," he said, radiating pride I almost found endearing. "These large volumes are on magic, at least as the humans perceived it, and over on that shelf I have some masterfully decorated atlases. Perhaps you could show me where you come from, originally?" He infused the words with intrigue, though no doubt he really did wonder about my origins.
"Perhaps tomorrow. It's been a very long day for me, and I'd be grateful for Oxnard to show me to my rooms."
I saw his face fall at that; if I'd asked him to escort me he would doubtless have seen it as an invitation to other activities. That I'd specified one of his household instead didn't dampen his enthusiasm for long, however.
"I'll summon him. I would be most grateful for you to share breakfast with me in the morning. Are you an early riser?"
He'd drawn closer, the decanter of not-exactly-dauthi poised above my glass. I placed two fingers on top of it to prevent him from pouring any more.
"I tend to sleep late if given the chance. I wouldn't want to keep you from your business in the morning."
Phade wasn't giving up so easily. His staff were all appealing — it was a hallmark of being har, after all — but I knew I far outstripped them in looks and manner. He would shake my tree until the fruits he desired fell into his awaiting hands; I could smell the pungent scent of his tenacity.
"You won't," he insisted, placing the liquor on a serving table. "Besides, you're so pale; you should go out riding with me beyond the lake into the base of the mountains. The fresh air and sun will do you good. The wildflowers are unbelievable this time of year. A circus of colour."
"I'd be happy to discuss that with you. Tomorrow," I said firmly, stepping away from him and giving the door a meaningful glance. "Is Oxnard coming? I really do want to get to bed. Travelling the Otherlanes is tiring, and it's been a full day."
"Oh. Yes."
I sensed Phade reaching out in silent communication, all while planning his next move to entice me to take aruna, or share breath, pin me against the wall— I would have none of that.
"Do you mind if I take this with me?" I asked, smoothing my fingers down the curved glass of the decanter.
"Wouldn't you rather take something with more… fire?" His gaze was smoky and probably erotic to others, but he did absolutely nothing for me.
"No, but thank you. You're indeed a thoughtful host. Ah, there you are," I said warmly to his aide, a young har with wide, brown eyes and fawn-like, cautious mannerisms.
"Make sure Vaysh isn't lacking any comfort," Phade dictated, though the innuendo wasn't lost on Oxnard, whose ear tips flushed an appealing rosy colour. He escorted me to my room, up one more floor with a view of the town in the valley below, though it was nearly all dark.
"Would you like a small fire? Phade said you've come from further south and might find our weather chill," he said, busily arranging a jug and basin, glancing at me with bright eyes, expectant and missing no subtle action on my part.
"A fire would be most appreciated, and then I'll free you from your responsibilities to me."
"As you wish."
The fire was lit and I poured another glass of the clear spirits before standing in front of the fireplace, grateful for the warmth. The weather was mild for them, and would become warmer while I stayed, but there was something about the stone walls and floor that leeched away the heat. Oxnard lingered in the doorway, again asking if I was in need of anything, but I dismissed him with a generous smile. Once alone I slumped into a chair that had been thoughtfully pulled up close to the hearth. Phade was no enigma; after being around Jaffa and Firethorn for months, his similar forthrightness and lack of duplicity was reassuring. If he continued to try and get into my trousers or bed, though, that would get tiresome. That was future trouble, though. In addition to learning well the lesson that anything I loved could be taken away at will, I'd also taken to heart the adage of living in the moment at hand. No doubt there would be more difficulties in my future, but for just this moment, this hour before sleep claimed me, I was not in active strife. That was enough.
I remained in Olopade through the autumn and into winter until Natalia loomed its head, yet again. Throughout those many months I'd written to Firethorn and Jaffa once or twice, and had also begun practising again regularly at a shooting range. Usually I went with Oxnard, or one of the other house-hara, but I did go out with Phade on more than one occasion. I wanted him to know well that I was a good shot. He made a wisecrack about being surprised that such a snow maiden had my skill with a rifle, but he shut up once I'd turned the gun on him, aiming squarely at his heart.
"I'm no woman, Phade," I said, freeing the safety latch and feeling a flush of dark satisfaction as the colour bled from his face. "I'll thank you never to call me that again, especially when I'm armed. And I'm always armed."
"It was a joke," he'd spluttered through temporarily stunned lips.
"I hope so."
The unfortunate side-effect of that particular display of cold power was that Oxnard heard about it and I had to become almost rude in turning away his advances. It was when Phade refused to quit talking about me having both heart and genitals made of ice that I packed my bags.
Phade I would not miss, though I'd grown fond of Oxnard. After the initial three months of relentless pursuit and my equally resolute refusals, Phade had decided that there was something quite troubling and wrong with me. Then the self-declared Master of Samway decided I was both troubled and frigid, most unnatural in any Wraeththu. I'm pretty sure that I'd shared breath with Oxnard on a couple of occasions simply because I knew the news would get back to Phade. By this time I'd turned down several offers of aruna by a bevy of hara, including the endearing Oxnard, who was genuinely worried. I reassured him that it was part of my training, and that I was drawing strength through abstinence, but he let me know he was available and cared for me should I ever change my mind.
As we approached the shortest day of the year, I decided it was the right moment to take the few days' ride back to the place of my own rebirth. I was curious as to Thiede's whereabouts and activities, plus I'd been in Phade's territory for quite long enough. I'd felt a keen snap in communication from Thiede, as though he'd been stretched to his limit by something and sprung off in its pursuit. In meditation, I wandered throughout the paths of knowledge and space; I wasn't alone, but I also wasn't powerful enough of a presence to be noted, except by Thiede. His absence puzzled me, but I'd not sensed pain or trauma of any sort affecting him, and so I didn't worry overmuch.
Since I couldn't seem to get in touch with him, I found myself facing the prospect of returning to the land outside of Tollsend on a conventional horse. I sent out a tentative, curious tendril of thought toward Tassia, but didn't feel the sedu's presence and gave up, resigned. One night a couple of days before the date I'd set to leave, I dreamed of Velaxis. There was that avenue, though I'd never caught a whiff of his aura in any of my mind travels. It seemed to be more prudent to travel on one of Phade's hardy horses than to try to contact the enigmatic har in Immanion. He was still presumably Thiede's assistant, and if Thiede was busy with some all-encompassing enterprise, chances were that Velaxis also had a hand in it.
I could not have guessed the truth with even the wildest flights of fancy, but I grew to cherish the lack of foresight.
The morning I was set to go, a sumptuous breakfast was set out for me, once again in Phade's private dining area. We were engaged in barely civil banter, he still trying vainly to find out why I was leaving before their winter festival.
"It will be much more fun than anything you could expect up in that colder north, especially from what little you've told me about the hara there."
"Phade," I said calmly but with a voice sharp enough to cut glass, "you seem determined to insult every aspect about me: my companions, my dress, my pursuits, my spiritual endeavours, even my choice where to spend Natalia."
There was no verbal apology, but the faintest shadow of true regret stole through his gaze before vanishing. "Everyone has a skill; that's mine."
I let out a sigh despite myself and poured more coffee. Just then Oxnard came in through the open door, excitement and concern battling for supremacy in his cautious face.
"Phade." He nodded in his direction. "Vaysh, one of the stablehara came to get me. Your special horse— Tassia, I believe you called her? She just appeared from the forest, walking," he clarified.
My heart soared at that cheery news; perhaps she'd opted to take a more conventional route to get her bearings in this land with its first deep snowfall of the season. No matter her reasoning, I was greatly relieved.
"She's being well taken care of," he went on hurriedly. "So perhaps you could stay through the afternoon? Or until tomorrow?"
Phade's irritated glance slid over him like oil across water.
"No, but I appreciate Phade's and your reluctance to see me go. I have business up near Tollsend. Thiede needs for something, even though I'm not certain what it is."
"If the others he bosses about look anything like you, he's welcome to send his whole army to visit next time," Phade drawled.
"I'm sure Thiede is well aware of your hospitality," I said, sneering over my plate. "But I'll be certain to tell him of your open arms policy."
I got up from the table, the admittedly tasty breakfast now churning with an unpleasant motion in my stomach. I knew there was a momentous event awaiting me at the fortress, and had thought I'd have a few days on horseback to ready myself. Now I could be there on the stone steps again in mere minutes. There was little I was unprepared to face anymore, however, so I ignored the lurking nausea and butterflies, made certain I'd removed all of my belongings from my room in Phade's tower, and headed out to the stables. There were to be no clinging, weepy good-byes, only my good riddance. Seeing Tassia improved my spirits, however, and she seemed happy enough to be with me again.
"So. Whose are you when you're not with me?" I asked aloud and she gave me a hard look, as much as a sedu can. I'd opened my mind so it was wide and clear, like the early morning spring sky in Ferelithia, bright and cloudless. A ghostly flicker of a face, handsome with almond-shaped eyes dancing with intelligence, shone there, and then dissipated. Whoever it was, the har was unknown to me, but I nurtured my own unique connection to Tassia, tucking it into a hidden fold of my heart.
I was bundled up; the cold tried to slip its fingers under my collar, or around my ears where the flaps of my hat didn't quite reach. "We're going to see Thiede, and you know that, don't you?"
Tassia whinnied softly, snorting so her breath came out in visible puffs. I placed my foot securely in the stirrup and swung my other leg up and over, situating myself on the saddle. With an affectionate pat on the side of her neck, I placed my memory of the stone fortress on display. A thin smile settled on my lips when I realised I'd also envisioned Feslavit and Kervad on the steps, there in my mind's eye.
We burst down from the Otherlanes onto a landscape white with snow, not far from the fortress. As Tassia canted and slowed to a walk, I looked around. The sun was out, though it was the tepid, insubstantial sun of winter. Two hara came bustling out from the solid oak front door, both clad in furs. One seemed more familiar than the other, and I took a cleansing breath. It was strange after so many farewells to be saying hello instead to someone who knew me. I dismounted, giving Kervad a wide smile before he embraced me, an unexpected air of solemnity around him. He held me closely as I noted his again-familiar scent of cinnamon and pine, wondering what had come to pass to be treated this way. After a time he pulled away, tilting his head as though evaluating me.
"It's good to see you again," I said. Noting the har behind him looking expectant, I told him that if he wished to take in my things, I would be most appreciative.
"Welcome back, Vaysh," Kervad said, his melodious voice still harbouring some secret. "Thiede is here— he said that we should expect you. Let's go in out of the cold. We should go to the ground floor library; the fire there's blazing. I remember how quickly you get chilled."
"Thank you. Shouldn't I go see Thiede, straightaway?"
He'd taken my arm, guiding me up the stairs as though I'd never been there before. "No," he replied. "He'll be down for dinner, later on this evening. There's something I need to tell you."
We both stamped the snow off of our boots and hung our heavy coats on the wall hooks that lined the entrance hall.
"So I gathered."
Throughout this brief and cryptic exchange, I'd wondered where Feslavit was. Maybe he was waiting to surprise me; it didn't seem like him, as direct as he was, but maybe things had changed. Perhaps he now had a consort or become chesna with someone, and Kervad felt — wrongly — that he needed to soften the blow.
"Where's Feslavit?" I asked as I sat in one of the overstuffed chairs.
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
A-ha, so I was right. "He has a chesnari?"
"No, Vaysh. He's dead."
I looked at Kervad, waiting for a deep stirring of emotion to come at that shocking news, but none flooded through me. Right at the moment, curiosity burned the most. It was hard to kill a har; I should know.
"What happened?"
He'd crouched at the side of the chair, his gaze trained on mine to look for any crazed responses and to make sure I was coping. When he saw I wasn't going to fall apart, he stood and pulled up the footrest, sitting on it.
"It was an accident— nothing more. Last summer he'd been doing some repairs up on the roof, lost his balance, and fell. He broke his neck, all very fast, no pain."
I nodded, now unsure of my feelings, as the suddenness, and tragic unpredictability of his accident reminded me of how I'd died. Though for Feslavit, there wouldn't have been a particular har to go mad with grief, at least not that I knew of.
"Thank you for telling me." I looked down at my interlaced hands. "Did he have someone who mourned him especially?"
Perhaps the question was really too gruesome, but after half a year with Phade, my self-censoring had gone rusty. Kervad took one of my hands, rubbing warmth gently into my cold fingers. I'd forgotten about the arresting green of his eyes; he seemed more mature now. He could well have been a special companion to Feslavit, who'd certainly had a heart expansive enough for at least two.
"No, no one particular har. We all took his death hard. It had been a luxury, you know, being Wraeththu, nearly impossible to kill. And yet, all it took was a misstep on a tile. Thiede had just arrived and was engrossed in this secretive project, but he'll want to tell you about that in his own way." He brought my hand to his face, clasping it there as a young child might. "Feslavit loved you, and never apologised for that. We would've sent word to you about the news, but didn't know where you were, and Thiede indicated without words not to trouble you. I'm glad you're back now."
He kissed my palm with his full lips like plump pillows, and stood up. "I'm here whenever you need me. The day is yours. If you'd like to see Feslavit's memorial, I'll be glad to take you to it, or you may want to go around the grounds at your own pace. It's been snowing a lot, though."
I nodded again, my competent speech having swum away from me into some other pool for me to access later.
"Look," Kervad went on, "this is all a big shock, no doubt. I'm not as naïve as you might think; I could tell you didn't ever plan to blood bind to him. Someone else had that place in you. You seem…" He stopped, fumbling for the word he wanted. "You seem more whole than when you left, but still haunted. Maybe that's why Thiede beckoned you to return, so he could polish you, or something like that. I don't know," he said with a rueful, soft laugh. "I'm fascinated and at times obsessed by him. But his attentions can be too much to bear, and I want to hide. There's nowhere to go, though. He seems to know about everything."
Blinking slowly, I pushed myself out of the chair, caressing the line of his jaw, overtaken by spiritual exhaustion. "You're right. There is nowhere to go. For me, even death was no escape. He brought me back."
Kervad leaned in and shared breath with me; surprisingly, I didn't find it intrusive, only warming with the silky heat that resided in him, like russet, fire-lit fox fur. "You'll find out soon enough, but Thiede did so again. You're no longer the only one."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-24 03:20 am (UTC)harone around to pamper and love him for 5 years. Sorry!!I'm so very gratified that the part in Olopade is ringing true with people; it's been a part I was most nervous about because I felt it might read as 'obligatory,' but thankfully I seem to be the only one who feels that way, lol!! I have spent an inordinate amount of hours and hours of time analyzing the canon and figuring out every nuance of Vaysh's character and his motivations, especially in regards to the background I gave him in M + M which may have been totally different from what Storm envisioned. In fact, I'd bet money on that. ;) My one caveat is that, hey! We first get all of this fabulous juicy stuff about Vaysh from Pell's POV, and he's certainly not objective. :D
Next post: Pellaz! But not yet conscious, hee. I'm having to dance around some key conversations in canon because nobody wants to read those scenes with identical dialogue from Vaysh's POV, and I don't want to write it! So I'm sneaking fun snippets of intrigue from within canon that no one except a canonically-obsessed writer of a Vaysh/Ashmael gap filler would think were super-cool. One word: Ferelithia. Thanks for your kind words about this story! Having a true Vaysh fan along is marvelous.