"Wash Me Throughly"- true Ron/Remus version

This may not interest anyone but matildabishop, but I'd felt badly that my Ron/Remus story for her ended up going Remus/Severus to accomodate snottygrrl's story. No-one's fault other than the author, of course. At any rate, I spent some time in January revamping the ending and adding to it. This version is now properly Ron/Remus, there's a bit more smut, and an unexpected bit of magical theory that I'll probably end up incorporating in another story.

I'm just going to provide the link to the story on my website: if you've read the first version and don't feel like rereading the first 10 pages, the changes occur at the point when Remus is washing and cutting Ron's hair. I wrote Severus out of it and let Ron and Remus figure out their attraction on their own. With the new and improved skyehawke, modifying it over there should be relatively painless.

Wash Me Throughly, version 2

Phrases you love

I reworked a story recently and came across a couple of phrases in it which I'm particularly fond of. Since many of you who read this LJ are fanfic and original fic authors yourselves, and most of the rest read fanfic, I'd like to open the floor to sentences, short paragraphs, or just phrases of your own writing that you're especially proud of, or think convey something in a way that makes you glow as a creator. If you're not a writer, feel free to quote from someone else's story that captured your imagination, or heart- but let's restrict this to fandom, not literature as a whole. Whether author or reader, please quote the phrase, indicate the source, and tell me why it resonates with you, or why you're especially taken with it. It's not all that often that we allow ourselves to revel in our own work, I don't think, so I'd like to take this opportunity to do so. More for you guys than me, but I'll start in case what I'm describing doesn't make sense. I can't wait to see what you all adore of your own creations!

Here are the two for me, both from "Wash Me Throughly":

The words stood on the page, an unchanging literary convoy his eyes passed over, again and again.

I liked the visual for the concept of the stationary words seeming to move, as they can when you've unfocused on them, then focused again, reading and rereading, but the letters themselves have essentially become an abstraction.

"Remus."

The word scraped more loudly against the quiet than Ron had intended.

I just love the imagery of Ron trying to be subdued, and it not working and it feeling visceral to him. It's a sentence I was so happy to have written; one of those gift ones that make it all worth it, y'know?

And so- off to you!