The last day

So the time has now come- today is my final day of leave. Thankfully my re-entry will be somewhat gentle in that probably I'll do nothing but read emails and watch recorded meetings tomorrow, I'm off Wednesday, then work Thurs and Fri and off again on Saturday. I am so grateful for this time off, for the luxury of time itself not spent working for someone else, but instead to work on me. I've had some breakthroughs, joy in creative company of others, time at my altar, time struggling as I start the Sinclair Method and how that figures into my life, time knitting and writing and writing letters and on the phone and in person with friends I see only too rarely. I need not worry that I'd be bored should I retire or Evan wins the lottery. ;)

I still have a ritual I've not yet manifested, one of forgiveness for myself. I'd like to write phrases down and burn them, but an apartment complex isn't the best place for that. Perhaps a nearby campground? Not sure yet. One element of note I'm taking away from this is a keen awareness of my nervous system and how important it is going forward to soothe it with quiet, peaceful time every day. Thanks to this amazing website, MyNoise.net, I can listen to waterfall sounds, ferryboat noises, Tibetan singing bowls, you name it. In the past I've been inclined to use my 15 minute breaks to do physical activity, which I suppose I could still do, but at least a couple times through the day I challenge myself to put on a timer for 5 full minutes to listen to soothing noise and either meditate or just lie still. I've perfected the art of distracting myself from stress and the like, but not to gift myself with soothing, gentle space not spent in front of a monitor of some kind or with any kind of goal in mind. I believe that doing this regularly will have as profound an impact as physical exercise does, and as someone with an anxiety disorder, is very nearly as important.