I found the Gimli trip fic I'd been working on back in '09 (helpfully labeled on the flash drive as 'Gimli Trip Fic, lol, and I really like the title I had/have for it, "A Journey Measured in Friends"), and it's a good 9.3K. The problem? I apparently at the time had some big secret that Gimli was going to tell Pippin and Merry once he arrived in Hobbiton (this is set post-WR when Pippin's second daughter is about 6) but for the life of me, I have no idea now what he was going to tell them. Do I hope it comes back, or just go back to it and ignore that part and potentially re-write it? Oh, the questions. ;)

I've really been enjoying my time off work spent mostly with Evan, but also taking some intense, focused classes at Industrial Barre which is close to me, especially when borrowing Evan's car. Yesterday he and I did something very spontaneous for us (ie: planned out in under 24 hours): we went to Mt. Scott Community Center so I could get my roller skating fix for free!! We were able to visit briefly with our friends Holly and Elizabeth, who walked up to see us and chat and look around at a First Nation fundraiser, and then we went to see Jocelyn at her house. So much socializing in one day! But it was a good time. And here I am, skating! I really prefer Oaks Park, which is a proper skating rink (not a converted basketball court), and there were way too many children, but I at least got to skate for about a half hour or so.



(if the link doesn't work, here it is just written out: http://thrihyrne.net/pictures/20181124KJLSkating.mov)

In joyous news, I discovered a whole new season of The Great British Baking Show streaming on Netflix, so we've been enjoying that and also the newest season of "Sheltand," which arrived on disk. That, my beloved, and knitting, and it's been so wonderful!!

I tend to write for about 30 minutes in the early morning with my first cup of coffee, just small sections of things before I can handle looking at a computer. I've been primarily working on my Dreamspinner novella sequel, the one that may not ever be contracted, I realize. But maybe the first one will sell enough and they'll want to support a sequel. Anyway, I was writing it yesterday and the protagonist and his lover were discussing how they'd get from their cottage to Dowth, maybe a mile or two away. The protagonist asked if they were driving, and the lover noted he doesn't know how to drive a car, so they had bicycles. To which the protagonist surprised me and his lover by saying that he doesn't know how to ride a bicycle. I love it when my characters surprise me with information about themselves I hadn't planned out!!

Since I finished my Yuletide story so quickly, I went to the 'Dear Yuletide Letter' spreadsheet and have selected an Orphan Black request that I'd love to write. Just a short vignette missing moment from an episode in season two we watched a couple of weeks ago. I've never written a pure gift fic before, but I'm really excited to write something in a fandom I've both never written for, and one that I'm currently enjoying myself. ♥

I'm about to have the most social couple of weeks than I've had in maybe a year or more! We'll be enjoying Thanksgiving with our dear friends sanguinity and grrlpup, a tradition I feel so fortunate to get to share with them, then Thursday the 4th Evan and I will attend the Portland office Airbnb holiday extravaganza. This is only the third ever local event where a +1 has been invited. :P Should be interesting since I'm still remote and don't know a good 5/6 of the people who work at the office now. We'll plan to go right at 7:00 and hang out for 2 hours or so before coming home and letting the younger set get crazy with an open bar. Saturday the 6th we have another holiday event with dear friends who've returned to the area from Utah, and then Tuesday the 9th one of the highlights of my month happens: one of my very dear colleagues who's also a remote employee is coming to Portland to visit the office again. She's gathered up a bunch of us who are now 'old timers' in Airbnb-parlance (nearly 2.5 years or longer) and mostly remote or only-recently-not-remote women to go out to dinner. It's a foretaste of how I'm now viewing next year's One Airbnb 2.0 to be held at HQ in SF. I didn't go last year; I was very conflicted in how I felt about my employer at that time, and was personally struggling with a lot of things that I'm not now. I'll be attending this year, and really looking forward to getting to see all of my remote buddies and talking about non-work things. :)

What a difference a week can make! The week after Evan's birthday was very challenging for me in my usual challenging way, but I got back on track with a renewed commitment to several months of working on staying in my own skin. This weekend was particularly wonderful; a Saturday both leisurely and social, including a very fun sushi dinner with grrlpup and sanguinity. I also started out the weekend with a really uplifting conversation Friday evening with emansil_12. We don't usually talk at that time of day, but it was the perfect jumping off point for a positive and quite productive weekend. I worked Sunday but as part of that also managed to hand wash a couple of sweaters, scrubbed the bathtub, washed dishes, sewed on my owl culottes, and worked on my what I'm calling my Dreamspinner fic, but I may route it elsewhere once complete. We'll see. These days I'm feeling much more like my usual self, though yesterday I'll admit to feeling slightly manic because I felt so good physically and wanted to make up for lost time. The challenge of finding balance will probably always be with me, and that's okay. I'm still definitely in the reward phase of my life. :)

Oh, and my left shoulder is giving me issues again; this isn't the now-unfrozen shoulder, but a possible injury that's raising its head again. I'll need to be careful at Mod Physique this week.

I was just over reading LJ and got inspired to post myself. :) Yesterday morning I typed in the most recent few pages of my ofic story that will hopefully, eventually, be submitted to Dreamspinner Press once it's all said and done. I don't enjoy that I write in such fits and starts anymore, and it took typing in a few pages to get re-grounded and rediscover that thankfully there was a flow to it. This Wednesday is a sauna day, and my hope is that I'll be inspired as I usually am while lying quietly in the dry sauna, or sitting up in the steam sauna. I'm also being treated to time in a friend's hot tub after that, so it will be a day of healthy self-indulgence, especially since it starts out with getting to sleep in and then a Mod Physique class.

I'm trying to stay more in touch with friends; last week I wrote several short letters and sent cards and that always buoys my spirits. This week there are people I'm going to try to talk with on the phone— there's something satisfying about writing down these things on a to-do list and being able to check them off, all while enjoying the experience of actually reaching out to people I care about.

The super-complicated double-knitted, reversible vest for my brother is coming along! I've knitted 3" and have discovered, somewhat to my dismay, that while the really cool bat motif on the back is indeed the width I'd wanted, it's only going to be as tall as the armhole. :( Had I realized that, I would have done some motif for the bottom 4", the the bats, and then the remaining 4" so it would be centered. Oh well. I'll improvise. Once I get about halfway done with the bat motif I'll take photos as it really is going to be an eye-catcher. If only it didn't make me then think of other knitting ideas— I'm already swamped with them!! Ah well. I shouldn't be ungrateful for so much creative outpouring, even if it's not in the particular realm I want. ;)

Since my last post, I realized that I have two stories that could be completed and submitted to this online press. One is the wholly unique monk story, but also an HP story I'd started in the summer for a fest, but didn't get very far in writing. I had most of it in my head, and I've recognized that I can change it up very easily in order to get it out of Rowling's version of magical and into something different. So I've begun revamping the first few thousand words and going in a more relationship-centric manner I'd shied away from when writing it for the fest because at that time, I'd decided to make it completely genfic. Now I can add some eroticism and make the new protagonist and his world unique enough that if there becomes a following, he can have other adventures in sequels. Not to project forward too much, lol.

But it's been great to be writing again, and getting re-engaged in this story line that I'd been excited for since the summer, but lost steam on. I'm writing! It feels great to have the characters come to life for me, rather than me having to poke at them to do something. I'm very, very happy about this development of events. My thanks again to snottygrrl for knowing how desperately unhappy I was in my prior work role and who volunteered me for this press in terms of being an able proofreader. I've done my quota and have let them know of my keen interest to do more in-depth editing, so we'll see about that in the future. :)

I'd hoped/planned to sleep in today, but I wasn't able to get back to sleep after Evan left at 6:50. I lay in bed, and was again plagued and somewhat assaulted by memories, and not glowing, cheery ones. The years of 2005-2012 were by far the most traumatic in my life. Conversely, they were also by far the most productive in terms of my writing output, averaging around 200K words a year of fanfiction until 2010. I think I was in a state of permanent escape for much of that time, adrift and untethered from much of my own daily reality, anchored instead by the stories and characters whose lives I could control much better. And I cared about them more than my own, which often seemed petty, futile, and distressing. So why am I having all of these flashbacks now, when my life is based far more firmly in reality, when I have a devoted, loving life partner who cherishes me? I think much of it may have to do with my work, which remains primarily a realm of frustration, despair, tedium and a pervasive feeling of having no control. Is there something in my psyche that misses the drama from before? Even the drama of the rush of writing prolifically, of getting positive feedback from readers and writers and thriving on the weave and weft of lives and characters whose stories begged me to write them?

I suspect I will always have the drive to be producing, whether writing or knitting or letters or being otherwise always engaged in something. And yet, I want to nurture a cultivation of desiring peace and balance and contentment. What I don't want is this unpleasant marching of images of decisions made and unpleasant experiences from those 7 years. Maybe some kind of ritual letting go is in order.

I'd been planning to start a four week trial at a place called Mod Physique today, but the deal I got for it lasts through March of 2014 and I realized yesterday that I wanted much less structure for today. So to temporarily banish some of the demons, I'm planning a trip to my favorite Goodwill with no time limit to browse. Then off to Fabric Depot to buy the lining fabric for my assymetric corrugated sweater and buttons for the cardigan I'm working on now, then a quick trip by my former housemates on 79th. This evening at 7 o'clock I have my MRI scheduled, so it will end up being a full day, but with plenty of time for me to do what I wish and have solo time- outside of the apartment. I'm really looking forward to it. It also really helps that it's autumn, and grey, and overcast and sweater weather. That buoys my spirits in and of itself.

I'm on the cusp of going on my first actual holiday/vacation type thing in about a year. Evan and I are going to Rockaway Beach, Oregon, tomorrow, staying in a large beachhouse with his parents, sister Arwen & family, and brother Dana & wife & daughter & granddaughter. I'm really looking forward to spending time at the beach, and sleeping, and doing some social things, and having a lot - lot - of downtime. :) There will be internet and phone and such, but I'm determined not to check work email at all and to put that part of my life completely on pause while I'm gone. I suspect it will be easier said than done, but I'll try to make it happen.

I printed up my Wraeththu novellas to bring with me to re-read and edit, and it makes me feel a bit odd that I've committed to doing this. I've never revisited any completed work of mine for a serious edit like this before, and I'm uncertain as to how the process will go, if I'll be appalled or if I'll enjoy reading it, if I'll be overcome by memories of what my life was like when I wrote them, and of the initial major overhaul/edit/rewrite from 2009. Hard to say. Hopefully it won't be traumatic or demoralizing. I'm also bringing my notebook to work on my Charliefic which I haven't written on in a couple of weeks. I suspect I'll get a bunch done on that while on break. This will be a very different situation from Evan and me going away together… although now I realize Evan and I have not actually had a holiday together yet, just the two of us. The trips we've made since we've been a couple have all been with our families— and we like our families, but I've just made a verbal commitment that after this trip and the one in September to go to Wenatchee to spend the better part of a week with my dad and stepmom, we will take our next trips just the two of us. I'm pretty sure that our five days together with his family (absent one sibling and progeny) will be just fine. As he pointed out, they are a family of introverts. But I bring with me from my own family of origin (at least to do with my mother) a sense of dread about doing my own thing and being seen as asocial and trying to isolate myself. I believe that there will be a healthy balance of doing my own very-much-needed-downtime activities (reading, editing, writing, reading, knitting and dicking around on the internet, walking, jogging on the beach, sleeping) and group meals, some organic conversation, and working on puzzles. Some of my worries are because I've only spent short periods of time with these folks (2 days) except for his sister Arwen and family, who I know well from when Evan lived with them. I'm probably worrying unnecessarily, but I articulated all of this to Evan and he (unsurprisingly) was very understanding.

So I'll have my computer and will definitely still be online, and hopefully quite productive while also being a lazy, lazy person. :)

I'm very glad to have returned pretty much in the condition that I departed. This means that my flights were gratefully uneventful and my luggage made it with me and I'm back to my love and my home and my primarily quiet life. :)

As this is a public space I won't say too much about HQ except that having a huge open space may be a good way to promote creativity, but it's AWFUL for trying to do any kind of customer-facing work. It's loud and hard to concentrate and impossible to make outbound phone calls. It simply makes no sense for customer support and I'm very, very glad to be back in my home 'office.' On the other side, it was tremendous and heart-warming and illuminating and disarming to meet so many of my fellow remote employees in one place. I re-bonded with my roommate who I got to know during our pop-up office time last year, and spent a fair bit of time with a few select others. I will say that for someone like me, being fed breakfast, lunch and dinner at HQ for several days was really great. Nobody appears in my kitchen and cooks for me when I'm here during my shifts! ;)

Here's a link to a photo of me in proximity to the Golden Gate Bridge:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/88838401@N03/8997005617/

I'm hoping some other group shots and dinner photos will get handed around, but who knows. In having a much-needed 1:1 with my team lead in person, I found out that they actually need somebody to do something that greatly interests me, which is database management and being able to retrieve and make sense of data in a meaningful way for our team. My eyes and face must have lit up when we were discussing it, and now I'm going to be teaching myself SQL. evannichols has said he'll give me an overview as well. :D

In very exciting news, I'm writing again! Not on the Aldarion Numenorean story, but on a HP Charlie-centric fic. evannichols and I tried out setting aside an hour yesterday evening to work on our respective creative pursuits (non-knitting, in my case) and it was great. I'm really happy to be writing rather free-form with this story and seeing where it goes.

Did I mention how happy I am to be back home? In Portland? In bed, with Evan at my side? ♥

My Finduilas/Denethor story is done! It needs a thorough edit and to be beta'ed, but it's finished. I'll look forward to putting this little story into the fandom. Happiness. :D

This week has been more exotic than usual in that evannichols has been home sick as of Thursday. It seems to be a cold that started out as congestion and head swimmy-ness and some coughing and then settled into a chest cold. Much better that than the flu or somesuch. It meant that during my more conventional-hours workdays on Thurs and Fri I was able to come out during breaks and lunch and check up on him, converse, and have company. I really enjoyed it, even though the only reason he was home was because he was/is under the weather.

I'm resisting whatever it is, though in a random act of just experiencing life, I whacked the crap out of my pinkie toe yesterday morning on the edge of the bed. Picture below. I may have fractured it, hard to say and frankly, not really much to be done about it. I'm icing it again this morning and will not be picking up my jogging again until it has a chance to heal. I've not actively limped in ages, but yesterday Evan and I did get out of the apartment to run (well, walk very slowly) some errands in the nearby blocks. We were quite the pair: Evan sniffling and sneezing and coughing, me hobbling along and not at all at my usual Thev-speed, which is At Speed.

( bruised toe :( )

I'm off in a little bit, borrowing Evan's car Ian to get more tissues and to swing by the bank. Then my 1-10 shift, then two days of jury duty! Something entirely new and different. I'll be well prepared for tedium, should there be any: my composition notebook to work on my Ron/Draco, a new issue of Vanity Fair, and a knitting project on circular needles. Yee haw!

Oh, and I filed my taxes yesterday. I'll be happily anticipating my refunds.