Bummed out

[thrihyrne]

I'm trying very hard not to do a large 'fuck you' to the Universe right now, as I'd gone so far in the interviewing/vetting process with a company I really thought wanted to bring me on, Squarespace. They declined my candidacy today after 5 process steps, and I admit to being more than a little heartbroken. I loved their office culture, their office location, and the thought of being able to learn so much about their beautiful website templates. *sigh* That it's so soon in my time being alcohol-free feels like a giant metaphorical carrot had been dangled in front of me, only to be yanked away and a big, "PSYCH!" yelled at me to challenge me in my earliest days of recovery fueled by Antabuse. On the plus side, Evan and I had a conversation last night and since I am committed to being alcohol free and staying on Antabuse, even if I have to order the fucking pills from India, instead of finding yet another place to hang out for a few months until I returned to the apartment, I'll be returning home next weekend. Having that stress resolved has made this disappointment much easier to put into perspective. Which is, "Squarespace's loss, someone else's gain." I'm not in desperate financial straits, and I have a skill set that someone else will need a drool cup to handle. It's just disappointing.

Comments

[bookherd]

I'm so sorry about the job. That must be so disappointing!

[febobe]

I understand in a small way...I remember how frustrated I felt when my application for a job where I'd been a practicum student, a place I longed to return to, where they had the PERFECT opening for a CLINICAL LIBRARIAN, which was my main specialty...rejected me with a form letter that they hadn't even bothered to sign. No interview, nothing. I've also had jobs that I really wanted and got much further along in the process with fall through too. And I understand it is so very painful when you are trying so darned HARD to do everything RIGHT and make your life work, and you've worked so hard and are still working so hard, and...then...THIS. Like a gut-punch. And I'm so sorry you're going through this.

But I want to say how very proud I am of you for committing to Antabuse-fueled recovery on your terms, being alcohol free. I know this is so hard for you. But know that you are doing the Right Thing, for yourself and for those you love, like Evan. I was so, so proud to read of you making that decision. And I am so very glad you will be returning home, which should be something you read as a HUGE carrot put in your hands. :) This is something you are helping make happen with your commitment, something you can be really proud of.

The people who won't be able to pass you by are out there. :) It just may take a little bit to find them, that's all. <3

*hugs* It's okee to be disappointed. Just don't let it win by driving you back toward alcohol. B/c that's what the alcohol wants, and it's not driving this bus, YOU are. :) And you are strong enough to do this. And needing help from Antabuse is not a sign of weakness...the fact that you KNOW you need the help is a sign of STRENGTH. :)

I'm praying for you, sweetpea. Hang in there. <3 I love you. (And PS - if you can't read my entries here, let me know. I granted you access and subscribed to yours, so we should be all good now.) *huuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs*

[eccequambonum]

Alcohol-free is the only way to truly recover and regain who you *really* are under there. It's ugly and hard, but I'm glad you have found the way that works for you.

And the Universe at the moment is in this huge snit of granting some things, then giving you a smack around the next corner. You are not the only one going through this, trust me.

::hugs::