Okay at the end of a long day, I get another treat. Also I went to HASA and was impressed at how many fics you've written. Read your essay on gender. Gad, we have so much to talk about. But for now . . . this fic I am liking more and more. I love how you are exploring the precepts of Storm's world - in the best tradition of fanfic. I like the foreshadowing of the love "problem" as Vaysh experiences jealousy when Ash takes aruna with Parallax (great name) and I like how you show that subtly with small gestures, cigarette smoke. And Ash's gradual realization that they are in love. "when it came to him, I could no longer deny that every cell in my body, the very marrow of my soul, rang with the forbidden word: mine." "We were marked by it, though not to the naked eye; we were like trees, whose tale in rings is only truly told once cut down and exposed for the world to see." I love the tree ring idea. Great stuff. I also like the sense of a bunch of guys at a fraternity with the catcalls and waggling eyebrows. But you know the whole story took on a more intense feel when Firestorm and Cloudblaze show up with their harling. Your depiction of Firethorn, with his direct language is great. I love how entranced both Ash and Vaysh are with him and how we get the sense that they are very drawn to becoming chesna themselves and taking that next step of creating life. I also like the sense of humor in places. You are definitely incorporating Storm's world and transforming it into your own creation. I look forward to more. Oh and here are some more phrases that I particularly enjoyed:
Anything of value had been stolen ages ago, and there were shadowy marks on the walls where pictures had hung for a few decades according to the histories I'd read. I did feel the scrutiny of several pair of eyes as I left the dining hall and found that I stood up straighter under their pressure. he evaded my lips to get out another confession The new parts— they kind of creep me out, "I've been stuck in my head, analysing things, and feeling myself up. I'm tired of both, When his fingers became grasping talons, but right then I wanted nothing more than us both to be ouana, I was a long spade, digging deeply into warm, loamy earth. Lights danced behind my eyes as the last of our exultant energies flew far off out into the fathomless universe. Eventually the subtle noises of the room faded back into my consciousness "So!" Euclase said, waggling his eyebrows."Oh, give it a rest," energetically occupied his beauty and inner power pulsing around him like violet flames. discussed the logistics of draining the indoor pool we'd been using all summer Vaysh tapped at his temple impatiently. sank in that already there was a generation — of one, at least — for whom the word mother was utterly meaningless.
no subject
I like the foreshadowing of the love "problem" as Vaysh experiences jealousy when Ash takes aruna with Parallax (great name) and I like how you show that subtly with small gestures, cigarette smoke. And Ash's gradual realization that they are in love.
"when it came to him, I could no longer deny that every cell in my body, the very marrow of my soul, rang with the forbidden word: mine."
"We were marked by it, though not to the naked eye; we were like trees, whose tale in rings is only truly told once cut down and exposed for the world to see."
I love the tree ring idea. Great stuff.
I also like the sense of a bunch of guys at a fraternity with the catcalls and waggling eyebrows.
But you know the whole story took on a more intense feel when Firestorm and Cloudblaze show up with their harling. Your depiction of Firethorn, with his direct language is great. I love how entranced both Ash and Vaysh are with him and how we get the sense that they are very drawn to becoming chesna themselves and taking that next step of creating life. I also like the sense of humor in places. You are definitely incorporating Storm's world and transforming it into your own creation. I look forward to more.
Oh and here are some more phrases that I particularly enjoyed:
Anything of value had been stolen ages ago, and there were shadowy marks on the walls where pictures had hung for a few decades according to the histories I'd read.
I did feel the scrutiny of several pair of eyes as I left the dining hall and found that I stood up straighter under their pressure.
he evaded my lips to get out another confession
The new parts— they kind of creep me out,
"I've been stuck in my head, analysing things, and feeling myself up. I'm tired of both,
When his fingers became grasping talons,
but right then I wanted nothing more than us both to be ouana,
I was a long spade, digging deeply into warm, loamy earth.
Lights danced behind my eyes as the last of our exultant energies flew far off out into the fathomless universe.
Eventually the subtle noises of the room faded back into my consciousness
"So!" Euclase said, waggling his eyebrows."Oh, give it a rest,"
energetically occupied
his beauty and inner power pulsing around him like violet flames.
discussed the logistics of draining the indoor pool we'd been using all summer
Vaysh tapped at his temple impatiently.
sank in that already there was a generation — of one, at least — for whom the word mother was utterly meaningless.