I love all of your thoughts behind the different options (and as much as I drool over idea #4, it won't happen in this fic), and using "tant pis" is an excellent suggestion.

In looking at your LJ, obviously you're someone who knows me, or I'm merely thinking more of myself than I should. Can't place you yet, though. ;) Thank you so much for your insight!

:wanders off, mulling over who you might be: